SOS Onboard the Maid Star
by fukuji mihoko
Summary: Neru needs a job to buy a new cell phone, and Miku knows just the place. A maid cafe. But is the promise of a new cell phone worth putting up with embrassing outfits, perverted boys, and conflicting emotions? :Miku/Neru:
1. First FML: Neru's New Job

**SOS Onboard the Maid Star**

**First FML**

'Neru's New Job'

* * *

"I hate her, I hate her, I hate her."

Akita Neru was glaring bitterly at Hatsune Miku, who was sat on the other side of the classroom. The turquoise-haired girl was surrounded by a circle of friends and admirers, as always, talking animatedly and stabbing her chopsticks into the air as she made certain points. Her usual crowd began to laugh at something or other she'd said, and Miku smiled brightly. It was a pretty smile. That smile was the reason everyone liked Miku so much. A lot more than they liked Neru, at least.

Neru had practised smiling in her bathroom mirror last night, but it hadn't worked.

The disturbing flatness of her chest, and her general lack of height, had simply left her feeling depressed and angry. Her smiles hadn't been sincere at all- they looked forced and scary. She'd come close to punching that stupid smirking mirror. How _dare_ it show off her lack of curves and wrong proportions so candidly? In the end, Neru had given up trying to look 'cute', and instead settled for her usual scowl.

Miku had a nice smile, _and _a nice body.

Neru was sure she'd never been asked for her ID when trying to buy a fucking Pokemon game.

It wasn't fair.

Some people were so lucky.

"I hate her," Neru repeated bitterly.

"So you keep saying," sighed Gumi. "Shouldn't you be thankful that she found you a job?"

Urgh, that job.

That was another thing Neru was pissed off over.

She'd been fired from her last part-time job because she'd been 'unreliable' - but it was hardly her fault babysitting was so boring she kept falling asleep! And Yuki had been a smart kid anyway- she'd knew not to stick her fingers into electrical outlets or anything. It wasn't like she'd hurt herself. So what was the problem? And she only turned up late once or twice, or maybe even three times- maybe more than three times- but who was keeping count, really?

Honestly, some people were so childish.

And Neru had _needed_ that job, so she could buy a cell phone.

Whilst Neru had been complaining about her tragic life to Gumi that morning, Miku had overheard, and offered Neru a job at the place she worked at.

"We're short on staff anyway!~" Miku had beamed her thousand watt beam, which practically blinded poor, starstruck Neru. Honestly, it had been like being in the presence of a celebrity; Miku was so popular, with so many friends and so many parties to attend to, Neru had never thought she'd have time to talk to little old her. 'Little' being the fucking key word.

"A bunch of the staff seem to be coming down with summer colds or something. How weird is that, right?" Miku had continued, unaware that she had intimidated Neru to the point of nearly giving her a heart attack/nervous breakdown. "And then Rio-chan went and broke her leg when she was rollerblading. So, we have lots of open spaces! You should definitely come, definitely!"

"U-um..."

Neru had been so flustered (honestly. Her cheeks had been on fire. Like, burning), she could barely form words. She ducked her head, looked at the floor, and fiddled about nervously with the end of her ponytail.

"U-um... I-I gues... Eh... O-okay?"

"Great!~" Miku had chirruped, in that speciality Hatsune Miku sing-song way of her's. "I'll meet you outside school after last lesson, kay?"

"K-kay..."

And with that, Miku had gone.

And Neru realised, with a sinking heart, that she didn't even know what job she'd agreed to do, and she'd have to spend the rest of the afternoon Miss Fucking Perfect Hatsune- the idol of Vocaloid Acamedy- that everyone loved and adored and doted upon.

Except Neru.

Neru hated Miku.

Hate hate hate hate hate hate hate aboslutely _detested_.

"I can't believe I agreed to go with her," Neru said, slumping down on the desk. "Imagine, if I actually have to spend time with her... I think I'd die. God. Fuck. Hate her." Neru mumbled the last part rather incoherantly into her arms, head pressed against the table. "I am _so _going to write about this on ."

* * *

"Yay! Neru-chan! You came!"

"Hey, don't call me 'Neru-chan' like we're friends, okay, Hatsune?"

...was what Neru _wanted_ to say.

Instead, she said "urk."

What was not nearly a good enough substitute.

Neru was stood by the school entrance, looking resolutely at her shoelaces as though they held the secrets of the inner workings of the universe. Her face had begun to flush that horrible burst-up tomato color. It didn't help that Miku hadn't come skipping (oh yes. _Skipping_. What with the none-too gentle breeze, there had been masses and masses of pigtail thrown everywhere) out of the school building by herself- oh no. Since when did Princess Miku _ever_ go _anywhere_ by herself? Tagging along behind her, talking to each other and laughing in a way that just exuded _cool_, were various members of Miku's extebsive entourage; Shion Kaito, Sakine Meiko, Megurine Luka, Kamui Gakupo, Lily, Kagamine Rin and (eek!) Kagamine Len.

Len.

_Len_.

Neru felt her heartbeat speed up. It was pounding so fast, she felt sure it would burst out her ribcage and fall onto the floor in a sticky, ugly, sanguine mess.

And wouldn't that be sooo attractive.

"Okay, you guys! You can go now!~" Miku said, waving her pose away, smiling as she did it. "Me and Neru-chan have some business-like matters to discuss, m'kay?"

"Okie dokie. Whatever you say, leader~" Kaito replied, with a goofy grin and a two-fingered salute. "Bye, Miku-chan. See you, Akita-san."

"Oh my gosh! I'm, like, totes gonna miss you!" Rin exclaimed, throwing her arms round Miku in a rather more violent than loving hug, which nearly bowled Miku over backwards onto her butt. Rin's over-sized hair ribbon bounced crazily as Rin moved. That ribbon, it was like her trademark- like Miku's trademark was that rainbow smile and the leeks in her bento box, and Neru's was hating everyone and, indeed, being hated by everyone in return. "Miku-nee-chan, let's see each other tomorrow, okay? Okay?"

"Of course!" Miku was quick to affirm- maybe because Rin was crushing her ribs, and she wanted to prise her off as quickly as possible.

"Yeah! Okay!" Rin released Miku from her death-grip. "See you tomorrow! Let's hang out again!"

"Bye, Miku-chan," said Len. He was Rin's calmer, much more mature brother, who aced every maths test and didn't go around hugging people so hard their bodies snapped in two. Even though he and Rin were virtually indentical appearance-wise, beneath the surface you couldn't have found more different siblings. Besides, if Len was anything like Rin, Neru'd have to kill herself, because one Rin was too much for almost anyone to handle. Unless you were stupidly nice. Miku-nice. "Bye, Akita-san."

_"Bye, Akita-san."_

Neru played that one last line over in her head, like on a CD.

_He said my name._

_He said it like it was nothing._

_But it sounded so cool!_

"Alright." Miku's cheery voice cut through Neru's reverie- which was probabaly a good thing, because if her face got any redder it'd explode. "Let's go, Neru-chan!"

"Huh what?"

"To your new job, of course!"

"Haha. Oh yeah."

* * *

"T-this..."

Neru stared up at fairly standard brick building- but it was not the building she was seeing. Instead, her vision was completely preoccupied by the gaudy, colorful banner secured to the walls that declared, unabashedly, in bold font; '**MACNE NANA-CHAN'S MOE CAFE, FOR GREAT FOOD AND CUTE GIRLS ^_~**'

What was worse, was that the winking emoticon was actually there.

What was worse, was pretty girl dressed in the maid outside standing outside, holding out flyers and trying to attract attention (what, like the huge banner hadn't done it already?)

What was worse, was that this was where Miku worked.

Neru was going to hyperventilate and pass out and drop dead, she knew it.

"What?" Miku turned to the blonde girl, all innocent eyes and cheery expression. "Didn't I tell you it was a maid cafe?"

* * *

**a.n: **written on a whim, uber-quickly, because I've wanted to make a maid cafe fic for oh so very long, and because there isn't enough neru/haku on this site :/ and it's so goshdarn adowable. srsly.  
it probabaly won't be very long, but, ha! i say that about alllll my fanfictions XD

nyoron~


	2. Second FML: Miku's Friendship

**SOS Onboard the Maid Star**

**Second FML**

'Miku's Friendship'

* * *

"Hi, Miku-chan! And hello, um...?"

But Neru could not give her name. She could hardly even _breathe_, let alone talk. She had to keep her mind focused on inhaling and exhaling, because if she didn't she'd probably forget.

Neru didn't even know why she'd let Miku drag her into the stupid maid cafe to begin with. For a start, Neru hated stupid otaku places like that- they were filled with disgusting human beings Neru had no desire to be aquainted with, and lecherous men who mentally undressed the pretty girls and then left the cafe pretending to be respectful. It was so two-faced, it almost made Neru sick. Neru didn't want middle-aged men to look at her like _that _(not that there was a huge chance they would, considering her lack of height and chest and bad temper). Plus, she _hated _the idea of waiting on people. It was demeaning, almost like being a slave. Was it really _that_ fucking hard to get your own damned cup of coffee?

Of course not.

It was just laziness.

Neru should've have no.

She should've turned on Miku, shouted at her that she was obviously deluded if she thought there was a snowball's chance in hell that Neru would ever, ever consider demaning herself in such a way, and maybe her weird 'leek diet' was lacking in vital nutrients needed to make her brain function like an intelligent being's, and then punch her in that stupidly perfect face and storm out.

But Neru didn't do that.

She didn't know why.

Maybe it was because Miku was the sort of person you couldn't disappoint, and she had such a nice smile you didn't really want to see her unhappy, because it would just make you feel like the most awful person in the world.

That fucking bitch.

Or maybe it was because- and Neru didn't even want to admit this to herself- Len would come into the cafe at some point - not that he would, of course, but it was a possibility - and he'd see Neru in a cute maid's outfit and then, perhaps, he'd realise how adorable Neru was, and how he much prefered flat-chested psycopaths to beautiful, kind, sweet, charming girls like Miku.

Neru could but hope.

Okay, okay, it was a stupid fantasy.

And Neru knew, the moment she stepped into that cafe, that the chance of it coming true was approximately zero.

All the girls in the cafe were so pretty.

Much prettier than her.

Len wouldn't spare Neru two glances if there were attractive girls like _that _working in the cafe alongside her. Girls with boobs, no less. Neru could still pass off as her younger brother, Nero, if she wore boy's clothes, stopped wearing make-up and got her hair cut shorter. That was the reason she grew her hair out in the first place- so people stopped mistaking her for a boy. A twelve year old boy.

Hell, even the stupid manager of the stupid cafe was prettier than Neru, and she wasn't even dressed up! Her proportions were so perfect, they looked like that of a film star's.

"U-uh..." Neru couldn't bring herself to look at Nana. The older woman was making her feel very insignificant and useless- oh, Neru would so troll any internet accounts this woman had and write horrible insults, no doubt about it.

Little things like that made Neru happy.

"This is my friend, Akita Neru-chan!~" Miku beamed.

Well, that was a lie.

Neru and Miku _never_ spoke. Miku was much too busy dealing with her crowd of adoring fans and obnoxious friends to even spare Neru a glance.

Today had been the first time they'd ever exchanged words (not that there had been much of an 'exchange', consdering Miku did all the talking).

"I told her that we were down on staff, and I asked her if she wanted to help out for a while! Don't you think that's awesome? Neru-chan is so helpful," Miku said sunnily. Even though her words were all fabrications (honestly- these lies were even more ridiculous than Neru's notion that Len might, possibly, like her back), Miku looked so trustworthy you sort of belived her. Even _Neru _was beginning to believe she could be 'helpful', even though that very morning, when the english teacher had asked Neru to go and fetch the text books from the store cupboard, she'd said no, and gone back to texting mean messages to Megurine Luka's mixi account (under a fake name, of course).

Who knew Miku would lie on behalf of Neru?

Who knew Miku would _ever _lie, full stop?

She seemed far too angelic to do such a thing.

Neru felt her cheeks beginning to flush.

"Well, if Neru-chan's a friend of your's, that should be fine. I'd be happy to hire you!" Nana smiled at Neru. "Come over after school every week day, okay? Your shift'll end at seven. You're only covering for Rio-chan at the moment, but if you're really good at this I might let you stay longer. What else? Hmn..." Nana tapped her lower lip, and cast her eyes skywards, racking her brain for any details she may have forgotten. "Ah! I know! Your uniform!"

"Neru-chan can borrow one of my mine for now," said Miku. "We're about the same size..."

Neru blinked up at Miku. She was not a particularly tall girl (not even close. Now, Yokune Ruko- that was a tall girl), but she was still taller than Neru. But that was nothing new. _Nero _was taller than Neru. And when it came to their chests, there was no comparison.

Neru felt herself flush even more, embrassed over her own pathetic body.

"Well, maybe not exactly the same. But I can modify one of my own outfits, no problem!~" Miku exclaimed. "I'm good at sewing."

"Awesome!~" said Nana, with the chipper energy of one who'd been drinking frappuchinos all day and lived on a diet of sugar. "That sounds great! Come over tomorrow after school, okay, Neru-chan? You can change here."

"Thanks a lot!" said Miku. "Can I just tell Neru-chan a little about the job before my shift starts?"

"Sure thing."

And with that, Neru and Miku left- Miku pushing Neru's back gently, because she was barely able to place one foot in the front of the other.

What had she done?

She didn't want to work there!

Getting a new cell phone wasn't worth the indignation!

Neru would rather _die_.

"Okay, I'll just tell you a little about what you have to do, m'kay?" Miku babbled. "I know Nana'll get someone else to go through it with you tomorrow, but no harm in being prepared, right? Soo~ You have to take orders and serve cakes and drinks or whatever, like you would at any cafe. But at this place, sometimes you can get some really weird people, so if they start harassing you or whatever you just tell Nana-chan and she'll sort them out, or, like, ask Meiko-chan, and she'll bash their heads in. Yeah~ The people who work there are really nice! There's Kaiko-chan, and she's Kaito's little sister, and they look sooo alike, it's totally creepy. Kaiko is, like, Kaito in a dress. Well, not really. But it looks like it. When I first came here I was all 'Kaito? What are you doing?' eheheh. So don't do that. And there's also Teto-chan, who's really funny, and Momo-chan, who I swear is like a natural born maid or something, she's so polite and well-mannered, and always cleaning everything all the time. Teto says she has OCD, but I don't believe her, because Teto wanted to be a chimera when she was a kid so she's not one to judge. And there's, um... Lily-chan! Lily's cool. And Rio-chan, but she broke her leg, obviously. And Yowane-san-"

All the talk was beginning to get to Neru.

She was already confused and embrassed, and now Miku wanted to give her a headache, too?

Well, fuck her.

"Look!" Neru suddenly exploded. "I don't get _why _you asked me to work there anyway! I hate dealing with people who go to places like that, and - you know what - I just plain hate dealing with people! It's annoying! I don't want this job!"

But Miku look taken aback by this outburst, far from it.

Instead, she smiled and said, "I asked you because you're cute."

"W-what?" Neru's eyes widened. Her cheeks began to redden. She could feel the warmth prickling her skin.

_Fuck._

_I must look so stupid._

"I asked you to work here because you're cute. The cafe would suit you. It's also very cute," Miku smiled.

"Me? Cute?" Neru asked, disbelievingly.

She wasn't.

She was always cruel to people, even those that tried to help her, and she had a body like her brother's. How could anyone find that _cute_? Neru wasn't like Miku. _Miku _was attractive.

_Maybe she's making fun of me._

_That bitch._

_I hate her._

"Yeah, you're cute!" Miku said enthusiastically. "Len-kun even said he thought so. When you're not threatening to beat him up for breathing on you or whatever, I mean."

"L-l-l-Len?"

If Neru's face had been red before, it was positively crimson now. Neru was sure the rest of her body had gone white and ghoulish, because her blood flow had all been relocated to her cheeks. It must've been. It felt like she was burning.

Her heart beat faster and faster.

If it was a joke, she was going to murder Miku.

With her bare hands.

_I hate her, I hate her!_

_I hate her for making me act so stupidly!_

_Argh!_

"Sure, Len-kun," said Miku nonchalantly. She said it like it was nothing. "He likes you."

It felt like Neru's heart was going to explode.

"And!" Miku continued, oblivious to Neru's agony. "I like you, too. I asked you because I want to become friends. You seem like a nice person."

_Me?_

_Nice?_

Nobody had told Neru that before.

Probably because it wasn't true.

Miku was so weird, always trying to find the good in people. She lived in her own dream world, where everything was bright and happy and even people like Akita Neru were 'nice'. Welcome to the Mikuverse, where life is beautiful and the sky vomits rainbows and lollipops.

Yeah, right.

_I hate her._

"Okay. I've gotta dash! My shift starts, like, two minutes ago! See you later, Neru-chan!"

_Neru-chan..._

Nobody else had ever called her that.

It felt nice.

* * *

**a.n:** Ahh gomen D: I decided to change it to Miku/Neru instead of Neru/Haku because... idk. it just fit better DX -is shot- gomen D: i should write a real neru/haku sometime XD but this is miku/neru now. yus.  
i hope you like it XD


	3. Third FML: Rin's Big Mouth

**SOS Onboard the Maid Star**

**Third FML**

'Rin's Big Mouth'

* * *

The sun was shining, the birds were singing, the clouds were white and puffy in the cornflower blue sky, and Neru felt commiting suicide.

Yes- it truly was a beautiful morning.

The so-called 'tsundere' (and if Neru heard you calling her that, she'd kick you into next week) hadn't slept a wink last night. Now, this wasn't that unsuaul- Neru rarely slept at night, being too busy trolling people on the internet and the like. This was why Neru slept through class instead. But, most unusually, Neru hadn't been insulting people via their mixi accounts yesterday (prime example of internet trolling: 'oh my god, luka, u think ur so awesome, rite? well u rn't that kwl, if u didnt hav those bewbs u wd b nuthin! lol u no its tru rite?'). Instead, she'd been playing the words Miku said over and over her head, like a looped cassette: 'Len thinks your cute'.

**Len **thought **she, Akita Neru, **was **cute**!

Oh em gee!

It was too much to take in; Neru's brain had gone into meltdown mode, and for eight hours she'd been reduced to a blushing pile of fangirly goo.

So Neru hadn't slept.

But she wanted to sleep now.

By God, how she wanted to sleep...

She'd been this close to punching Gumi in the face when the good-natured girl tried to wake her up that morning.

If Gumi hadn't been her best (and pretty much only) friend for, like, forever, Neru would have done, as well.

"So, did you get the job?" asked Gumi, walking alongside Neru on their way to school (more like, Gumi was pushing Neru along from behind, because the blonde would've collapsed right then and there on the sidewalk if she hadn't).

Neru tried to say 'huh?', but it came out more like; "Hnghhh?"

Oh well.

At least Neru never pretended to be lady like.

"The job. You know. The one Miku offered you." Gumi frowned. "It's not like you to be this spacey. Don't you hate uncoordinated people that daydream all the time?"

It was true.

Then again, Neru hated a lot of people- you didn't need to be her long-standing best friend of seven years straight (like Gumi) to know that much.

In fact, Neru had written a list of all the people she couldn't stand once, for fun.

The list had grown and grown until it hit triple figures, and the amount of people Neru couldn't stand was only increasing by the day.

"Bleurghh," Neru mumbled incoherantly. She didn't have the strength to carry her school bag- instead, she dragged it against the floor. It made an unpleasant 'skkkrttt' sound, as holes wore in the fabric at the bottom of her bag. "Leave me alone."

"I'm just curious. Did you get the job?"

"Yuhuhh. Yahh. I s'pose so."

"That's good, right?" Gumi tried to smile encouragingly, but the effect was lost on Neru, who was still half-dead and barely concious. "What was the job, anyway?"

"Ah..." Neru felt her cheeks flush with embarassment. Even through her sleepy haze, she knew she really, really didn't want Gumi to know where she worked. At all. She didn't want anyone to know where she worked. Maybe she would wear a paper bag on her head when at the cafe, so nobody would notice? A foolproof plan!

"What's wrong? It's nothing... Weird, is it?"

"Of course not!" Neru protested. Her flushed cheeks gave away more than she'd like. Irritably, she ducked her head, and gave Gumi a gentle shove. "Don't assume such creepy things!"

"Well, I know how much you love cell phones. You'd do anything to get the latest one, right?"

"Yeah, but not, like, prostitution or anythin'! Seriously!"

Hahaha, now that was a funny thought.

Like people typically went for plain girls like Neru, with a chest flat as a pancake.

"I wasn't suggesting that," said Gumi. She blinked a little, and looked confused. "...You're not saying Miku works as a prostitute, are you?"

"No!"

"Well, that's what it sounded like... huh..."

"Please don't tell me you're thinking about that."

"O-of course not!" Now it was Gumi's turn to blush a little. "I wasn't!"

"Heheh. Gumi's a pervert." Neru couldn't help but snigger childishly. "You going to get a nose bleed now?"

"S-shut up! Y-you still didn't tell me what your job is."

"It's not important."

Gumi looked triumphant. "Aha! So it is embarassing!"

"No. And I'm not telling you, so-"

"Hi! Neru-chan!~ I've been looking for you!~ Kyah!"

Neru felt a pair of arms hug her quite violently from behind. The newcomer latched onto Neru so tightly and suddenly the poor, surprised blonde was nearly thrown to the floor. Luckily, she managed to right herself, and throw the intruder off her.

Whirling round, ponytail blowing quite dramatically behind her in the slight breeze, Neru turned to find a rather sheepish-looking Miku stood before her.

"Hehe." Miku giggled, rubbing the back of her head. "Sorry, sorry."

Neru glared at her. She was too shocked, tired and irritated to even begin to remember to be intimidated by the taller, prettier girl.

"What are you, retarded?" Neru snarled. She folded her arms. Somehow, even despite being slight of stature, Neru was still incredibly scary. "Couldn't you say hello like a normal person?"

But Miku merely laughed Neru's harsh words off, as though they were nothing.

"I said sorry, Neru-chan!" Miku pressed the tips of her index fingers together, and scuffed the sidewalk with her brown school shoes. "It's just, Rin-chan always greets me like this, and I guess it rubbed off on me. Don't be angry! Please!~"

"Yeah!~ You can't be angry at Miku-chan!" said Rin, appearing (as if by magic) at Miku's right hand side.

"W-where did you come from?" Neru looked about the surrounding area, trying to find some hiding place Rin could've sprung out of- but to no avail.

Could she teleport now, or something?

Neru groaned.

Why were idiots so drawn to her?

The level of stupidity just kept growing and growing.

Who knew, maybe Kaito was standing abou somewhere, and then the idiocy meter really would max out.

"Doesn't matter!" Rin beamed, flashing Neru quick peace sign. "I came here to tell you how hard my little Miku-chan worked last night, all for your benefit!~"

At these words, Gumi's eyes grew wide.

"Work... Last night... You don't think Miku actually is a pro-" Gumi began to whisper in Neru's ear, but the blonde girl pushed her away.

So much stupid.

Oh so much.

"What were you working on, Miku?" Neru asked, voice filled with suspicion.

"This, of course!~" Rin squealed, pulling a very pretty, very extravagant maid's outfit from behind her back. The apron was white and frilly, whereas the dress underneath was made of light yellow plaid, complete with numerous bows and underskirts, and various other girly adornments that Neru would never normally have worn. In short, it was the male otaku's wet dream.

"I was going to alter one of my own outfits to suit your physique-" At these words, Neru self-conciously moved her hands to cover her chest- "but in the end I decided to make you something completely new! And then I got really into it and couldn't stop!" Miku giggled. "Isn't it cute?"

But Neru couldn't formulate a response.

She was too busy trying to a) get over the shock of the Frilly Monstrosity (as the 'dress' would hereby be named), b) get over the shock that she was actually expected to wear the Frilly Monstrosity, and c) that Miku had actually stayed up the whole night to sew the Frilly Monstrosity especially for Neru.

Nobody had done anything like that for Neru before.

The Frilly Monstrosity was hideous, and ugly, and everything Neru hated! She hated it!

She hated Miku.

So why was she blushing...?

"Neru-chan?" Miku prompted. Her eyes were almost sparkling with hope. She clapsed her hands together, and blinked at Neru winesomely. "Do you like it? I made it especially for you."

"I-I..." Neru's voice stuck in her throat.

"Ooh, what's that?" Gumi asked, interrupting Neru- which may have been a good thing (Neru had no idea what she was going to say- but it was probably something quite mean that she'd regret later). "Why do you need to wear a maid's outfit, Neru?"

_Crap!_

_I don't want Gumi to know where I work! What if she tells everyone? It'll be horrible!_

Neru widened her eyes, and tried to make frantic neck-slashing motions at Miku; a clear 'if you tell Gumi, you're fucking DEAD' warning. It couldn't have been any clearer if Neru actually made to hack Miku's head off with a knife.

Miku blinked confusedly at Neru, tilting her head a little.

Neru allowed herself to be hopeful- maybe Miku had gotten the message!

"It's because she's going to work at the maid cafe! Isn't that awesome?" Rin declared.

_...Shit._

"Ooh~ Really?" Gumi loked intrigued.

Meanwhile, Neru seethed.

"If you tell anyone, I'll fucking kill you!"

* * *

"Neru-chan, are you mad at me?" Miku asked worriedly.

The green-haired girl was bent down by her shoe locker, putting away her indoor shoes in favor of her outdoor ones.

Neru cursed the fact that their shoe lockers were located so close by (I mean, 'Akita' and 'Hatsune' were not anywhere near each other in the alphabet! How the hell did that work out? And how did Len's shoe locker get to be right next to Sukone Tei's, who was this creepy Len-addict fangirl who - rumor had it - sacrificed small animals to her evil Elder Gods in the hopes this would make Len fall in love with her or whatever. Life might have been many things, but it wasn't fair).

Throughout the day, Neru had been attempting (note the key word: attempting) to avoid Miku and her gang- mostly because the ecounter that morning had been excruiatingly embrassing, and now Gumi knew her secret, too, thanks to Rin and her stupidly big mouth.

Now, though, Neru had to face up to the facts: she'd never be able to avoid Miku now.

They worked together.

And for some strange, bizarre feeling, Neru didn't want to turn on Miku and say 'I quit, find somebody else'.

Not after Miku had sewn that Frilly Monstrosity for her last night.

Even if it was fucking hideous.

"I'm not mad _at _you, I'm mad at life in general," said Neru, angrily tearing her shoes off. The motion was so violent, she very nearly fell over for the second time that day.

Stupid gravity.

Luckily, Miku managed to catch Neru (how she managed to get out of her crouching position and into her 'rescuing the fair maiden' position in under two seconds, Neru would never know) before the blonde crashed into the floor.

"Ehh..."

At the feeling of Miku's armed wrapped round her, and the thick scent of that weird leek(?) scented perfume Miku wore, Neru felt her cheeks flushing light pink.

"I-I'm okay," said Neru, shoving Miku off her, before her blush had a chance to take over her face completely. "Get off."

And why the hell was she stuttering?

"Hehe~" Miku giggled. "I saved you now from, like, face planting in the middle of school. So you're not mad anymore, right?"

"Mmmh." Neru muttered, picking up her shoes (stupid fucking shoes, more trouble than they were worth- arghhh) and throwing them into her open locker with a clatter and a crash.

"Although, I don't understand why you're so embarassed about working in the cafe to begin with..." said Miku, leaning against the row of shoe lockers. She folded her arms. "There's no reason to be."

"Huh?" Neru turned and blinked at Miku in confusion.

She hadn't realised Miku had noticed her discomfort; she seemed too busy stuck in her own little lala land.

"I mean, you're pretty, Neru-chan," Miku continued. "You'd look nice in that outfit. So... There's nothing to be embarassed about, right?"

Neru's cheeks had begun to flush again.

"Shut up," was all Neru could say. With a frown, she pulled out her outdoor shoes and began lacing them up- any excuse to look away from Miku, so she wouldn't see her red face.

Urgh.

This was so stupid.

* * *

**a.n: desu.  
fun story is fun to write XD**


	4. Fourth FML: Neru's Confusion

**SOS Onboard the Maid Star**

**Fourth FML**

'Neru's Confusion'

* * *

"Eee! Neru-chan, you look so cute!~" Miku squealed, clapping her hands together. "Oh yeah, I did an awesome job. Sleep deprivation was totally worth it. Eheheh."

As Neru pulled at the hem of the Frilly Monstrosity, willing it to cover just a little bit more leg, she began to wonder just how the hell her life had gone so wrong.

What had she done to deserve this torment?

She wasn't a bad person! She'd only ever spammed Luka's mixi account once or twice! Or maybe three times! In the past month! Or maybe it was more like ten or eleven times a day, but who was keeping count? Like it even mattered! Plus, Neru's spam was usually burried under 'oh em gee i lahv u luka! be my bride!' comments from her admiring fans after a few minutes, so it wasn't like Luka ever even read what Neru wrote anyway.

Probably.

So what exactly was the problem?

Neru sighed.

That one sigh summed up her whole life up until that point.

"Eh? You don't look happy, Neru-chan." Miku pouted. "Do you seriously not like the dress?" At this, the green-haired girl's eyes widened, and she clutched her chest, as though mortally wounded. "No! I'm so sorry! If you hate it, I can just stay up all night and sew another! I'm apologise humbly, Neru-sama!"

"Hey! Don't say such stupid things so loudly!" Neru admonished Miku. The anger was useful- it provided a momentary shield to hide her embarrassment. "Besides, you wouldn't really sew another. That's stupid." Neru fingered the hem of her dress a little more, tugging at the lace. "I didn't even ask you to make this one..."

"But I did, because I'm such an amazingly big-hearted person." Miku grinned- but the moment she glimpsed Neru absent-mindedly picking her handiwork to pieces, she reached forward and grabbed hold of Neru's hand. "Don't do that. You'll ruin it."

"I-I wasn't going to..." Neru snatched her hand from Miku's gasp. "I-idiot."

"I wouldn't mind sewing another, though," said Miku. She smiled. "It's fun. And I wouldn't want you to wear something you hated."

"I'm fine. You don't need to worry," said Neru, shaking her head.

The last thing she wanted was to be in Miku's debt even more.

She felt she already owed the stupid girl something for bothering to make the Frilly Monstrosity in the first place- that debt would only escalate with the coming of the Frilly Monstrosity Mark Two.

Neru frowned, and began to think of ways to repay Miku. She didn't have much money- as was evident, by her need to take this stupid job. Maybe she should give Miku one of her kidneys? It seemed the only viable form of compensation was her body- urgh, no! At this strange train of thought, Neru felt her cheeks begin to heat up again.

_I should really be more careful with that I think..._

_Argh! This is all Miku's fault!_

_I still hate her._

_I'm not appreciative in any way!_

_I just don't want to hurt her feelings._

_I guess._

"You know, Kaito was the one who taught me how to sew in the first place," said Miku, reaching forwards to retie the bow at the back of Neru's outfit.

"What?" Neru was too shocked at this information to tell Miku to get lost, she could tie her own fucking ribbon (except, of course, she couldn't, considering it was at the back of her dress... But Neru didn't want to owe Miku anything else! The idea of her performing even mere tasks for Neru was quite embarrassing now.) "Kaito? Shion Kaito? **That **Kaito?"

"Yeup~ Hehe, Kaito's really nice! He tried to teach me how to cook, too, but I'm like, sooo not the cooking type. I think my homemade lunch nearly poisoned him."

"You're really good friends with Kaito, huh?" said Neru, more to herself than anyone else.

"Hmn? Oh, yeah." Even though Neru couldn't see her, she could hear Miku's smile resonating in her words. Then again, when wasn't she smiling? "We've known each other since Kindergarten. It was his job to take care of the school pet one day- it was this tortoise, right?- only, somehow, he lost it. I mean, I don't even know HOW you lose a tortoise, they're so slow! Haha. So I found Kaito, and he was crying because he thought the other kids would hate him or something, even though that tortoise never DID anything because it was totally a tortoise- so I said- cause I'm really amazing and friendly and stuff- 'I'll help you!'- and then I did, and then we became friends. Hehe. Kaito's still totally hopeless without me around, though."

"I noticed."

"It's okay though, 'cause he does all my cooking for me and cleans up my house, and I help him find tortoises. We're like, this unbeatable team, or something."

"Has he lost many tortoises lately?"

"No. Just the one." Miku laughed. "But I'd totally help him if he lost another one!"

Neru couldn't help but smile a little at that, too.

She didn't know why.

Maybe she was feeling sick.

"Okay, Neru~chan~" said Miku, firmly tying her bow in place. "Let's go and serve some customers! You can stick by me, alright? It'll be fine and wonderful and rainbows and stuff."

Miku was so weird.

How could she be so happy all the time? It was unreal.

Neru barely managed to be happy for half a minute a day- but Miku was constantly bright and cheerful 24/7. It was enough to give you a headache.

How irritating.

Vaguely, Neru pondered that it had taken Miku an awfully long time just to tie up that one bow.

* * *

"Okay, what do you want- Gumi?"

Neru stood there blinking, notebook and pencil clenched in her hand. Her fingers curled so tightly about the pencil it seemed ready to snap in two clean pieces.

"What the fuck are you doing here?" Neru hissed at the green haired girl, eyes narrowed.

Oh, if looks could kill...

"I don't get why you're so unhappy, Neru-chan~" said a childish sing-song voice, which was nothing like Gumi's normal tones.

Urgh.

It was Rin.

Neru couldn't help but feel slightly betrayed. How could Gumi- her own childhood friend!- betray her so completely, by allying herself with Rin? Rin was the enemy! Rin did not belong in their circle of friends! Only Gumi and Neru belonged in their circle of friends!

This was unacceptable.

"I only wanted to see where you were working," said Gumi, feigning innocence. Her eyes darted back to the menu, still in her hand. "Ooh, the Mont Blanc looks good..."

"Fffff." Neru was so irritated, she was actually hissing, like a cat who's tail had been trodden on. "Get out. Get out now."

"But I was just being a good friend. I only wanted to see how you were- and, y'know, I was worried you might have hurt somebody. I was only acting in the general public's best interests."

"I don't think you have the authority to throw a paying customer out unless they, like, start throwing forks at you or something," said Rin pensively. Her ribbon bobbed merrily. Somehow, it seemed to be mocking Neru- like all the other people in this stupid cafe (okay, maybe Neru was being a tad paranoid...) "Can I have a slice of iced orange cake and a glass of orange juice, please?"

Neru was just about to tell Rin, in no uncertain terms, where she could stick her fucking slice of iced orange cake, when she caught a glimpse of Macne Nana out of the corner of her eye. Nana seemed to be watching her- no doubt judging the new girl.

Neru doubted being rude to her customers (even a customer like Rin) was likely to secure her a place at the cafe.

Not that she wanted to work there, of course.

"Sure thing," said Neru, forcing down her anger, and scribbling down the order.

"And I'll have the Mont Blanc and some jasmine tea."

"Really, though, Neru-chaaan~" said Rin, catching hold of Neru's arm just before she was about to leave. "I don't get why you're so unhappy. What's wrong?"

"Nothing."

That was a lie, of course.

But Neru never said she was a good actress.

She just didn't want any more people from their school knowing where she worked.

And getting iced orange cake for RIN, of all people- someone who got to see Len every single second of the day (should she so choose to), and probably didn't appreciate it, and always seemed to be so mean to him and made fun of him- was just humiliating. Neru would rather serve the multitude of other no-life loser otaku who thronged the cafe in droves than RIN (and Neru HATED otakus. Especially perverted ones who kept trying to look up Miku's skirt ((they did not extend Neru the same 'courtesy'- she was plain compared to Miku. Everyone was plain compared to Miku. Apart from, like, Luka).

Rin didn't deserve iced orange cake.

She deserved to be kicked in the teeth.

Neru decided that she hated her almost as much as she hated Miku.

* * *

"So, what did you think? It was fun, right?"

"That depends on your definition of 'fun'."

Miku and Neru were now free of their stupid maid outfits (except, only Neru found them stupid. Miku rather liked them, or so it seemed- but then again, Neru was Neru and Miku was insane), and were walking home. It was not quite dark yet, as it was only around seven; even so, the air was cool, and the light breeze from that morning had grown into something more biting. The trees lining the sidewalk were shaking in the wind, and Neru had to draw her arms around her shoulders for some warmth.

Sighing, she wondered why she hadn't brought a coat.

"I think it went pretty well," said Miku, smiling. "I bet Nana-chan was impressed with you- you didn't mess up really bad or anything! Not like I did this one time, where I tripped and dropped this mug of coffee on someone."

Neru snorted at this.

The men who frequented such places, in order to stare at attractive young girls in maid's outfits, deserved some kind of punishment for their perversions. Neru didn't believe in karma, but she did believe in paying people back for being terrible human beings.

"I bet he didn't mind," said the blonde, "I thought clumsy girls were supposed to be attractive to people like that."

"Yeah, in popular media, maybe..." Miku giggled. "But in real life it doesn't work quite like that. Especially if you give them second degree burns."

"He deserved it," said Neru.

"Maybe that's a little harsh. If they didn't come and buy things from us, I wouldn't have a job. Hey-" Miku turned to Neru. The shorter girl had her arms still wrapped round her shoulders. She was rubbing them up and down, trying to generate some heat from friction. It didn't seem to be working, judging by the way she was shivering. "Neru-chan, are you okay?"

"I'm fine."

"No you're not~" said Miku, prodding Neru in the cheek (Neru flinched away). "Do you want to borrow my coat?"

"No," said Neru, shaking her head. She didn't want to borrow anything of Miku's- she didn't want to feel even more indebted to her! What if Miku expected something in return? Not that Neru supposed she did, considering how nice Miku was, but still.

"C'mon, it's fine. I don't mind." Miku wheedled.

"I do." Neru's reply was very cold and final.

"Oh. Huh." Miku frowned, visibly unhappy that her attempts to be a philanthropist had been shaken so easily aside. "But I don't want you catching a cold, Neru-chan. You're so stubborn. No, wait- aha!" All of a sudden, Miku's pout had dissipated, to be replaced with another Miku-brand sunshine smile. "I know!" And with that, Miku reached forwards, and pulled Neru into a hug.

Neru was altogether quite unprepared for such a show of affection, and her cheeks began to bleed heat the very moment she felt Miku's arms around her. Her heart beat began to intensify, much to Neru's disgust; she could hear it drumming in her chest, pumping more and more blood to her cheeks.

Well, at least she didn't feel cold anymore.

"W-w-what are you doing?" Neru stuttered helplessly.

She could barely talk, she was so surprised.

"Warming you up. This way, you won't die, see?"

"Common colds don't kill people..."

"But they're not very nice! I'd say this is an improvement, right?"

"U-uh..."

"Well, you wouldn't borrow my coat. I had to think quickly. Hehe."

Neru could only stand there, blushing furiously, clenching and unclenching her fingers into fists (the only part of her that seemed able to move), until Miku finally drew back. The weird scent of leek(?) perfume became less heavy as Miku moved away, and Neru found she could breathe easily again. She drew in a deep lungful of air she hadn't even known she'd needed.

Neru hated human contact; it turned you into a useless, confused mess.

Her heart was still pounding.

It was only after Miku walked away, that Neru remembered something- a rather important memory came back to her through the layers of hazy confusion swimming about her brain.

Miku's house was in the opposite direction as her's.

_So why did she walk me home...? _

* * *

**a.n: ell oh ell.  
for some reason, this fic reminds me of an anime a lot XD like, not an existing anime, but an anime that could be made XD idk, it just has that 'feel' to it XD**

oh, and mixi is a Japanese networking website, like facebook, in case you didn't know XP


	5. Fifth FML: Gumi's Secret

**SOS Onboard the Maid Star**

**Fifth FML**

'Gumi's Secret'

* * *

"Oh my God! There's, like, been a total disaster!" cried Macne Nana.

Neru had only been working at the cafe for three days, but already she knew what exactly Nana deemed as a 'disaster'. For Macne Nana, disasters involved, but were not limited to: a couple breaking up in her favourite soap, a band she liked splitting up, running out of apples, accidentally eating something with more than twelve calories, gaining weight, losing weight, and breaking a fingernail.

As such, Neru felt absolutely no inclination to console the older woman.

Nana had no right to be unhappy, anyway- she had been most graciously blessed by the boob fairies, whereas Neru got landed with a child's psyique and a permenantly bad temper.

What exactly did Nana have to complain about?

She didn't even have to serve the stupid customers, like Neru did.

The blonde noted quite a few people from their school frequented the cafe, in order to get a glimpse of the Great and Almighty Hatsune Miku in a maid's outfit. Whenever Neru saw any of these people, she died a little inside- however, they rarely (if ever) noticed Neru's presence at all, being far too enraptured by Miku.

Which was a good thing.

Even if it made Neru feel a tad insignificant.

Not that she cared, or anything.

Anyway, back to Macne Nana, and the 'total disaster'.

Luckily, unlike Nana's numerous other outbursts, it did not occur in the room where the rest of the customers ate- otherwise, they would've been quite disturbed. Instead, Nana was in the kitchen, sat atop of a counter that was usually used to prepare food.

_Now, that _can't _follow health and safety restrictions... _thought Neru, as she loaded various cake-crumb stained plates into the dishwasher.

"What is it, Nana-chan?" asked Miku, rushing up the blonde woman, alarm printed across her face.

"It's terrible!" Nana wailed, grabbing hold of Miku's shoulders and shaking her (quite unecessarily, Neru thought- but Nana did seem to be a bit of a melodramatic diva. No, wait... It was definitely more than 'a bit'.) "Miku-chan, this could be it! The end! The final bow for our small, humble little cafe! What am I going to do? It's just too horrible! Uwahhh!"

"What is, Nana-chan?" asked Miku, now looking quite disturbed. She tried to prise the woman's hands off her shoulders, but they would not budge. Nana's long nails must've been digging into Miku's skin, but she said nothing. "Is something terribly wrong?"

"There is!"

"...Care to elaborate?"

Nana (finally) released Miku from her evil, taloned grip (much to the teal-haired girl's relief), and drew in a deep breath, so as to make an epic(?) proclomation:

"We have... Run out of French bread!"

A silence followed Nana's exclamation.

Then, Miku tilted her head, aparently confused, and said; "But Nana-chan, how did we run out so quickly? I thought you just ordered a new batch."

"Ask... HER!" cried Nana, pointing a clawed finger directly at an unassuming, unexpecting Teto.

Teto was, as Miku mentioned previously, another one of the employees at Nana's maid cafe. She was unmistakably pretty, with bright red hair teased into the most insane princess curls Neru had ever seen. They were like drills. And one time, when Teto invited Neru to touch them, Neru discovered they were, like, completely solid. They seemed indestructible. Neru always wondered if Teto's natrually did that. Honestly, Teto's hair should have been the Ninth Wonder of the World (the eighth being Luka's breasts, of course, which could be seen from space).

"Ehhh?" Teto jumped, as Nana's finger nearly poked her eye out. As Teto jumped, the twin drills bounced, too. Their movements were almost hypnotic. "I-I didn't do anthing, Nana-chan, I swear! I'm totally innocent!"

Nana stared at Teto, her eyes narrowed into slits.

"Then what are THOSE?" Nana cried over-dramatically, stabbing her taloned finger at Teto once more. At Teto's cheeks, to be more precise.

They were dotted with a few stray crumbs.

"U-um..." Teto backed away from the enraged Nana slowly, hands in front of her, as though trying the ward the older woman off. "This isn't how it looks!"

"Bread thief! Bread thief!" By this time, Nana had jumped off the counter (and managed to land quite gracefully, considering she was wearing seven inch high heeled shoes- also something which couldn't have fit in with various health and safety regulations). Backing Teto into a corner, Nana continued to say; "Bread thief!"

"It wasn't my fault! It's because I was so hungry... And my family is so poor..."

"But Teto-chan, I thought you lived in a really big house? It was almost a mansion," said Miku, pressing a finger against her mouth and tilting her head in thought.

"M-Miku..." Teto clenched her fingers into a fist. "You idiot! Way to give it away!"

"What?" Miku looked shocked. "Oh no! I'm sorry, Teto-chan! I said that without thinking!"

"I'm gunna kill you!" cried Teto (interesting fact: when she was five years old, she believed she was a 'chimera' and tried to 'fly' down two flights of stairs in her less-than humble home. The traumatising event resulted in tears and broken bones- and probably disloged a few of Teto's braincells, juding by how hyperactive she always was... And what was with the bread fetish, anyway? That wasn't normal).

"No! Teto-chan, don't kill me!"

"Kyahh! Almighty 'Hand of God', level up!" Teto screamed, diving under Nana's arm. With one swift motion, she took hold of Miku's cheeks, and began to pinch them.

"Noo! Get off, Teto!"

Neru could only watch the unfolding scene with a deep-seated feeling of worry for the future of humanity.

_It's like I'm the only smart person here._

_Normally, that would make me feel good about myself, but right down, it's just depressing..._

Neru sighed.

She'd gotten really good at doing that.

* * *

"So... How did it end up like this?"

Neru and Miku were stood outside of a rather gaudy-looking cafe, not unlike Nana's- except the sign on the building read 'COCO'S COSPLAY CAFE.'

Neru couldn't help but shudder.

Deadly waves of 'otaku' were pouring out of that building in droves- even looking at it was almost eough to make Neru's brain go so;diwoerpwrw.

"I can't believe there are so many disgusting places like this in the town where I live," Neru complained, crossing her arms. Frowning, she kicked angrily at the sidewalk beneath her feet, as though it were the fault of that poor, inanimate object that her life was so messed up. "Urgh. Being here is making me feel ill."

"Don't complain, Neru-chan~" Miku sang, patting the shorter girl on the head. "Sometimes, when life gives you lemons-"

"What do you mean, when 'life gives you lemons'?" Neru hissed, pushing Miku away from her. "It's all your fault we're here in the first place!" There was a short pause, before Neru finished her rant; "So stupid..."

"Well... Heh..."

Miku had begun to play with her hair, winding it round her index finger. Neru watched the teal locks shimmer brightly, with some irritation. Her hair never looked like that... What was her secret? Leeks didn't contain some unheard of chemicals to increase the beauty of hair, right? Urgh. Looking at one of Miku's many perfections was only making Neru angrier.

"I felt bad that I got Teto-chan in trouble with Nana-chan," Miku explained (like Neru didn't know the story already. She had, after all, been there. Who was Miku giving this unecessary exposition too, anyway? Did she think she had an audience?), "so I offered to go to the neighbouring cafe for Teto-chan and Nana-chan, to borrow enough bread rolls to replace the ones Teto-chan ate. Coco-chan is Nana-chan's big sister, so she'd help us out, right? I bet she's a really nice person!"

"I get that, I get that," said Neru.

"So what's the problem?"

"Why the hell did you have to drag me along too?"

"Ahh?" Miku smiled, though she looked a tad flustered. "I guess I did... Didn't I?"

"Yes. You did. You grabbed hold of my hand and said 'let's go together, Neru-chan!'" Neru's Miku impersation was uncannily similar to the teal-haired girl; one would've thought Neru had been paying close attention to Miku and her mannerisms for quite some time. Not that she had been, of course. Of course not. She only noticed Miku as a by-product of noticing Len, who was always with Miku... That was it. Obviously.

Neru growled.

Was it really productive, having an argument with youself, inside your own head?

What was all this accomplishing?

"Sorry, Neru-chan. I guess I just got used to having you around." Miku smiled, and began to ruffle Neru's hair (Neru winced, but didn't push her away). "Besides, wouldn't you be unhappy left all alooneee at the cafe without me?"

Neru looked at the floor, frowning. "Not really."

"You're so mean."

"And you're an idiot."

"Hehehe. Guilty as charged! This time, anyway, I guess."

"Man. You're so tiresome." Neru sighed, and (finally) made to bat Miku's hand away. If Miku kept patting her like that, maybe she'd get even shorter? Was that even possible? "And keep your hands to yourself. It's annoying."

"Oh, how you wound me so."

"Shut up."

* * *

"I-it's..." Neru's right eye twitched. As she glanced about the cosplay cafe, she found she was unable to move; the atmosphere in that place was too weird. The fact that such a place should be allowed to exist was proof in itself that all was not right in the universe. "It's so pink..."

"Really?" Miku smiled. "I think it's cute!"

"Standing here makes me feel like I'm losing brain cells," said Neru, sighing. "Seriously. Let's go find Macne-san's sister so we can get out of here. I think I'd actually die if one of those girls," Neru made vague gestures at the various maids, who were all wearing stupid outfits from stupid shows Neru had never cared to watch before, "came up to me and said something like 'how can I serve you today, Master?' Honestly, some people have no self respect."

"But you walked halfway across town wearing that maid's dress, Neru-chan," Miku pointed out. "You're in no position to comment on other people's sense of dress."

"Shut up!"

Neru's cheeks began to burn at the truth behind those words.

She hadn't realised Miku could be so blunt.

"Ah, sorry. I said something without thinking, didn't I?" Miku smiled. "I'm sure nobody minded you wearing that outfit, not particularly. You look so cute! I'm sure it touched the hearts of many."

"And my fists will rip out the hearts of _any _who were thinking such thoughts about me in this stupid dress," Neru hissed. With her narrowed eyes, she looked dangerous, even in her, quote, 'stupid dress'.

"Then please don't rip my heart out, Neru-chan!"

_Eh?_

_Miku... thinks I'm cute?_

_What the hell?_

_I thought she was just saying that before to make me wear this hideous thing, but... Really?_

_This must be a mistake._

Neru shook her head, trying to rid herself of these useless thoughts before her brain truly imploded and went jfkjsdfd.

"Anyway, let's ask somebody if they know where Coco-chan is," said Miku, walking up to the nearest maid. Reaching out, she tapped the girl on her shoulder. "Excuse me, miss, but do you-" The moment the unknown maid turned around, though, Miku could only say "Huh?"

Because the unknown maid suddenly wasn't so unknown any more.

The green-haired maid was wearing a very ruffly, girly outfit that Neru wouldn't be seen dead in; comprised of various yellows and oranges, with a pretty short skirt.

"Gumi?" Neru blinked at her best friend in confusion.

"Ah!" A suddenly flustered Gumi tugged at her skirt in alarm, and her eyes widened, whilst the pupils became no more than small pin pricks. "W-what are you doing here, Neru? And Hatsune-san, too? Y-you made me jump! I wasn't expecting you to come here of all places... I thought you hated things like this, Neru..."

"I do. I hate it," said Neru bluntly. "But from the looks of it, you don't."

Gumi flinched.

"How long have you been working here, Gumi?" asked Neru. "And why were you keeping it a secret from me?" The blonde-haired girl grinned, in a way that made her look indisputably evil. Truly, her heart was one that had been claimed by darkness. "Heh. This is very interesting. I wonder what people at school would say if they found out. Heheh."

"No! You can't tell anyone, okay? You can't, you can't- I absolutely forbid it!" said Gumi, her eyes growing wider and wider by the second, until she looked like a cartoon character. The resemblence was quite striking- especially if you coupled the facial expression with her 'interesting' attire.

"Why? You told people about where _I _work. I think it's only fair I return the favour, right?"

"No, no, no! I'd die! It'd be so embarassing!" Gumi took hold of Neru's shoulders, and began to shake the small girl as though she were a ragdoll. Neru wondered why people always manhandled like that- it made her wish these people weren't born without hands. Hadn't they heard of personal space, or look, don't touch?

"Get off me!"

"Not until you promise not to tell anyone!"

"Gumi, if you mess up my hair I will mess up your face! Don't think it's a basless threat, because it's not!"

"Hey, come on, everyone! Let's stop this now," said Miku, somehow managing to get in between the arguing Neru and Gumi. "Neru-chan promises not to tell anyone, don't you?"

"I never made such a promise."

"Neru. That's so cold," said Gumi, clutching her chest as though she'd been wounded.

"You'll get over it."

"That's no good," said Miku, shaking her head. She pointed a warning finger at Neru, and glowered at the shorter girl. Despite having such a cheerful disposition, her face at that moment really was something to behold; it could've scared even the most fervent horror enthusiasts. The difference between Miku's normal smile and that scary expression was huge; a rift as large as the difference between night and day, or some other such cliched thing. "You will keep Gumi-chan's secret, Neru-chan, or we'll never get to see Nana-chan's sister at this rate!"

Neru had to admit, even she felt a tad intimidated by that expression. She wondered what other expressions Miku was hiding, that her usual fanbase never got to see.

Who knew?

Maybe she was an evil, cold-blooded serial killer, under those bright smiles and happy faces.

It was always a possibility.

"Alright then, fine!" said Neru, looking away. "Whatever. You're no fun."

"Maybe so, but you don't want to see Nana-chan when she's angry. Trust me on this." Miku turned to Gumi, who's eyes were still dinner plate-sized with shock, and smiled. "So now we've got this messy situation sorted out, would you get Coco-chan for us, please?"

"W-what?" Gumi was momentarily confused, before she finally managed to make sense of Miku's request. "Macne-san! Of course. Right. Sorry. Hold on one sec, I'll go get her."

"Thank you." Miku began to coil her hair around her index finger again, and gave an apologetic smile. "And sorry for asking, but I'm just curious. Who're you dressing up as?"

"I'm Ranka Lee, of course!" Gumi began to look happier at this question- it was obvious she enjoyed talking about her weird hobby, even if she didn't want anyone to know about it. "I know all the words and the dance to 'Interstellar Flight!' During stage performances, I dance it for the customers! Isn't this outfit cute?"

Miku clapped her hands together and nodded. "Yes! It's very cute!"

"Hehehe!"

Neru could only watch this following exchange with something akin to disgust on her face.

"You really are a pathetic human being, aren't you, Gumi?"

Gumi grit her teeth, and clenched her fists.

"I'm going to pretend I didn't hear that."

* * *

After meeting Macne Coco, who had been far more responsible and mature than her sister (even if she was the older sibling by only a few years), Neru was feeling even more insecure about her chest than normal.

What _was it _with the girls around here, anyway?

Was there something in the water?

Maybe that was where Neru went wrong- she only drank bottled water (having some strange, irrational fear that any number of evil, slimy, sewer-dwelling creatures had been swimming around in the tap water).

"It's good we got enough bread, right?" Miku asked with her usual Miku-brand smile, holding a cardboard box to her chest.

"H-huh?" Neru, distracted from her gloomy thoughts, turned to Miku. "Oh? Yeah, I guess."

"I never knew Gumi would've worked at a place like that. It was a surprise."

"Yes." Neru began to snigger.

"Oh? What's so funny?"

"I'll _never_ let her live this down."

* * *

**a/n: **i swear, this whole fic seems like something that could be an anime XD  
heheh.  
i like giving more minor characters screen time, like teto and gumi, but i fear this creates filler and is not interesting to read XD  
this whole chapter is referencing a gumi song XD i'm sure you know which one it is.

this chapter was just written for teh lulz, actually plot-related carp will be in the next chapter, and the few following that~  
there may be one or two other chapters focusing on minor characters though, like kaito, luka, gakupo, miki, etc.

even so, i still don't think this fic will exceed 15 chapters...  
but then again, you never know XD

renahhchen xxxox


	6. Sixth FML: Miku's Problem

**SOS Onboard the Maid Star**

**Sixth FML**

'Miku's Problem'

* * *

"Hey, Gumi, would you do this problem for me? It's really difficult," said Neru, sliding her math book across the table, into Gumi's hand.

The two friends were sat in the library. It was very quiet, and sunlight streamed through the window, lighting up the spines of books that lined the shelves. The comfortable atmosphere was making Neru feel very sleepy- and as she lay her head in her hands and shuffled about in her chair so the spots of sunshine shone directly upon her, her math homework was beginning to feel less and less important.

Sleep was good.

Sleep was important.

Neru would've dozed off right then and there, if Gumi hadn't kicked her legs under the table (quite on purpose, of course, despite the fact she denied it later) and gone, in this scandlised way, like Neru'd ask her to strip in public for fifty yen or whatever, "I'm not doing your homework, Neru!"

Neru blinked up at Gumi, barely mustering the strength to lift her head, let alone kick Gumi back.

She'd do that later.

It was too warm and nice and sunny and desky and library-like to move at the moment.

"Besides, you're better at math than me! Shouldn't you be helping me to my homework?" Gumi continued, drumming her fingers on the desk.

Neru stared at Gumi- really stared at her.

And then she said, with no trace of emotion in her voice whatsoever; "Cosplay cafe."

At these two fatal words, Gumi flinched. The color drained from her cheeks. Neru had never really been able to picture the phrase 'she went white with shock' before, but now she had the definition of that metaphor sat right in front of her.

"You wouldn't," said Gumi, trying (and failing) to sound confident.

Neru yawned. "You've known me for freakin' ever. You should know by now that I would."

"But you promised Miku!"

"I had my fingers crossed."

"Like that makes it okay!" Gumi pushed Neru's math textbook away, and folded her arms. "You're bluffing. You wouldn't."

A dangerous look crossed Neru's face.

"Oh? Wouldn't I?" The blonde demon gave a particularly twisted smile- a smile that heralded misery, and turned the blood to ice- and began to scan the library, head still nestled in her hands. Once her eyes met the person nearest to their table, Neru cried; "Hey, Kamui! Guess what super-interesting thing Gumi's being doing lately!"

"Hn?" Gakupo stopped searching through the books in the history section, and turned towards Neru. Once he realised who'd been calling him, even Gakupo- who prided himself on living 'courageously, in the footsteps of a samurai'- couldn't help but shudder at the pseudo-angelic look on Akita Neru's face. "A-ah, Neru- I mean, Akita-san! It's good to see you." And by that he meant 'please don't hurt me'. Giving Neru a polite bow, he asked, "how may I help you, madam? What do you require?"

"Nothing really," said Neru. She liked being in a position of power. It was nice being feared; it gave her a warm, fluttery feeling in her heart. "I just wanted to tell you about Gumi's amazing job. Did you know, she's working in a cos-mph!"

But Neru was cut off.

Gumi, her face now the color of an over-ripe tomato, had lunged across the table (almost upending said table as she did so, she was in such a panic), and pressed her hands to Neru's mouth.

"Ahahaha!" Gumi forced a laugh. "How silly, nobody wants to hear about _that_, Neru!"

"What's wrong, Gumi-san?" Gakupo inquired. "Is something ailing you? Your face looks very off-color. Perhaps I should valantly offer to escort you to the nurse's office?"

"Don't worry about me, I'm fine! Hahaha!" Gumi forced another laugh. It managed to sound even more fake than the one before it. "I was just going to help Neru with her homework!"

"As you wish. But remember: heat stroke is a deadly opponent, even to us samurai."

"Okay! I get the message. Loud and clear." Gumi tried to smile, and, hesitantly, removed her hands from Neru's mouth.

"Yes, don't worry, Kamui. You can go now." Neru waved Gakupo away. "I don't need you anymore."

And Gakupo left.

Just like that.

He hadn't even found the right books he wanted.

But everyone at Vocaloid Academy knew it was best not to talk to Neru if you didn't have to.

Being a source of fear amongst her fellow students was something that made Neru smile, if nothing else did.

"Gumi, are you just going to sit there or what?" asked Neru, with another yawn. She stretched, and curled up again on the nice, warm table, like a cat. "I thought you were gunna do my homework. Or do I have to tell Leon over there about your 'interesting' job?"

"Alright, fine! I'm doing it, I'm doing it!" said Gumi, pulling Neru's math textbook closer to her and grabbing a pen.

"And you better do it right, or I really will tell Leon. I will check your answers. Fufufu."

Gumi glared.

"You fucking suck."

"I know."

And, just like that, Neru gave one final sigh of content, shifted around on the table a little more, and fell asleep.

_Mmmn._

_So warm~_

* * *

"Hey. Hey. Get up."

"Nghhhh. Dun'wanna."

"You have to."

"Not gonna."

"If you don't wake up right now, I'll stab you in the eye with this pencil."

"You wouldn't." Yawn. "Yer not..." Another yawn. "N't _that _mean, ya knoww, Gumi."

"Hey, Neru. There's someone here who wants to see you."

"Tell 'um to g't lost."

"Oh. Now isn't that a shame." Gumi sighed. "Len-kun! Neru told you to get lost!"

"Huh?"

At the words 'Len', something sparked in Neru's mind, and she instantly snapped into the land of the living. Her eyes opened approximately 0.32 seconds after Gumi first said 'Len', and by the time the green haired girl had reached 'lost' Neru was sat up in her seat, eyes saucer-wide, mouth slightly parted in a tiny 'o' of surprise. Her hair was sticking up from where she'd been lying on the desk, and she immediately began to pat it down.

And then, Neru realised.

She shot a look at Gumi that could only be described as 'murderous'. Her eyes darkened, like storm clouds passing over a bright sky, and her hands dropped from her hair, landed on the table, and clenched into fists.

"Where is Len, Gumi." It wasn't a question.

Gumi shrugged in reply. Then she smirked. "Haha. I totally knew that would work. Oh-" Gumi reached forwards, and poked Neru in the cheek. "You've got some drool right here-" she pointed at Neru's chin "-and _here_, by the way. Ewww." Gumi then began to wipe her fingers on her school sweater. "Gross."

Neru slammed her hands on the table, making the contents of Gumi's pencil case rattle.

At this sudden, angry motion, everyone in the library turned to look at the unexploded time bomb that was Neru. Everyone went quiet. You could've heard a pin drop (or, in this case, a steady ticking, as Neru's anger quickly reached explosion point).

"U-um..." Gumi shrank back in her chair, and began to laugh sheepishly. "April fool's?"

"It's not April."

"Hehe. Well-"

Neru rolled up her sleeves, and began to crack her knuckles.

She breathed in, and then out.

And then the timer on Neru's short temper reached zero.

With blazing eyes, Neru stood up so suddenly her chair fell to the floor with a 'clatter', and shouted; "Gumi, I'm going to **kill you**!"

But she never managed it.

"Kyahhh! Neru-chan, Neru-chan, help me!"

And that was the reason why.

Hatsune Miku, in all her pigtailed glory, ran over to the smaller girl and threw her arms round her middle. Neru, who had been unprepared for the weight of a Hatsune Miku to fall upon her so suddenly when she was in berserker mode, found all the air was squashed out of her, and she was sent falling backwards onto the floor, banging her head on a shelf as she did so. Miku may have been skinny, but was still a whole load heavier than the smaller, childish form of Neru.

"Ow! Shit!" Neru cursed, rubbing her head.

It felt as though it'd been cleaved open.

Maybe it was bleeding.

Urgh.

She was going to have such a headache.

"Ohmygosh! I'm so sorry!" Miku squealed, offering her hand to the fallen girl. "Sorry, sorry, sorry! I didn't mean to hurt you! Can you stand? Don't die, Neru-chan!"

"I'm not going to die, stupid," Neru hissed, slapping Miku's hand away. She regretted it, however, when she made to stand up, and found her vision swimming. She was seeing double of everything- and one Miku was enough for anyone, let alone two. The thought of two Mikus was enough to make her feel physically ill. Neru's legs buckled, but Miku caught hold of her, and pulled her to her feet.

"Neru-chan! Are you okay? Are you alright?" Miku babbled. Then, she stopped. She tilted her head. "You've got drool here-" she pointed at Neru's cheek "and here-" she pointed at Neru's chin "by the way."

Neru's cheeks burned red- not only from Miku's comments, but also from the way they were standing so close.

What happened to personal space?

Maybe it died alongside dignity.

"S-shut up," Neru stuttered. She hastily wiped the drool away with her sleeve, and at the same time took a few steps away from Miku.

"Anyway, what's your problem?" Neru asked, trying to control her reddening cheeks and keep her heart beat under control. Geez- being thrown around like that right after waking up was the **last thing **Neru needed. Miku could've killed her! "What the hell were you trying to do?"

"Oh, well~ I was waiting here a while, but you were still sleeping. And then when you woke up, I was all excited and 'yay!', and maybe I got a bit too carried away. Forgive me?"

Neru looked at the floor, and folded her arms.

"I-I guess so..."

"Good~" Miku sighed in a relived kind of way, and then smiled. "I was worried you'd hate me. People seem to be scared of you... Gakupo was saying he thought you were creepy; he said you were some kind of evil unholy terror, or the spawn of Satan something. And I was like 'how can that be the case? Neru-chan's so sweet!'"

"H-how can you say things like that? You've only known me a few days..." Neru was much enraged to note the blush and stammer had come back, full force.

Fuck.

Maybe she was allergic to compliments, or something?

They made her skin burn.

"Ah, but I know a cruel person when I see one~" Miku said brightly.

Neru didn't believe that for a second.

Miku was the kind of person who tried to find the good in everyone- she probably didn't know the meaning of the word 'cruel'. In Miku Magical Sparkly Desu Land, such a concept didn't even _exist_.

"And about people like that... Cruel people, I mean. Um." Miku seemed to have sobered now; she looked far less happy than usual.

Oh?

So maybe there _were_ bad people in Miku Magical Sparkly Desu Land.

That was interesting.

At the very least, Miku seemed aware that not everything was wonderful and perfect and fabulous and amazing all the time.

"Neru-chan, I came to ask for your help because I'm in a bit of a pinch, and I don't really know what to do."

"And you're asking _me _for help?"

Nobody had asked Neru for help before.

It was a rather novel idea.

"Yes, well, I thought you'd know what to do in a, um... situation like mine."

"What's wrong?" asked Gumi, looking at Miku with intrigue. "It's nothing to do with your job, is it?"

"Yes. And no. I don't know. It's complicated!" Miku sighed, flopping down in the seat next to Gumi. "And it's really horrible!"

"Hey, it's okay, you can tell me," said the green haired girl, smiling. _"I'm _considerate, unlike _some _people." At the 'some people' part, Gumi shot a rather pointed glare at Neru (who had, by now, sat down in her original place, in that lovely warm sun spot. Mmm. Warm).

"Okay then... It's um..." Miku had begun to fiddle with her hair again. Neru wondered if she only did this when she was upset. "For a while now, these guys from our school have been following me..." Miku coiled her hair round her finger; it looked like she was getting more and more agitated. "It's really creepy. They even come into the cafe sometimes and... And I really hate it... It feels like I'm being watched all the time."

"So, like a stalker?" asked Gumi.

Miku nodded. "That's it, exactly! So..." Miku turned to Neru, her eyes large and pleading. "What would you do about it, Neru-chan?"

Neru cracked her knuckles again. The sound made Gumi flinch.

"I'd beat the shit out of them, of course."

Miku uncoiled her hair now, and watched with some interest as it sprung back into the proper shape, before she promptly took the end of one twin tail and tugged on it in distress.

"B-but I can't do that! I-I could never..."

Neru watched as Miku managed to tug out a few stray teal hairs from her ponytail. She winced. It looked painful.

"Stop that."

With a commanding tone of voice, Neru leant across the table and pulled Miku's hands away from her hair.

"N-neru-chan..."

"You don't need to worry about it," said Neru, looking up into Miku's eyes. Not even the alluring warmth of the sunspot on the table could distract Neru now- she'd been presented with a mission, and there was nothing Neru liked better than beating up perverted guys who really, really deserved it (apart from texting). "I'll look out for you."

"Ooh~" Miku breathed. She blinked at Neru with newfound awe.

"W-what?" Neru flushed, letting go of Miku's hand (she hadn't been aware she'd still been holding onto it). She clenched her fingers two, three times, before bringing it back to her lap.

Neru didn't like being stared at like that.

It made her feel self-conscious.

"Just then, Neru-chan, you sounded so cool!" Miku exclaimed, with a bright smile. "So awesome!"

"W-what?"

"Yay! Neru-chan's going to protect me! Amazing!"

"It's not, it's really not!" Neru squeaked.

"Wow," said Gumi, grinning at her blonde friend, who now resembled a skittish mouse. "This is strange. It's so unlike you to be compassionate towards _anyone_, Neru."

"Not you too, Gumi!" Neru said.

Gumi smirked.

It seemed this was some form of revenge.

* * *

**a/n: **yo, 'sup.  
this story is so much fun to write, i don't even XD  
although, the library scene was supposed to be short.  
it turned long.

this is what i mean about things getting out of control when i write, heheh -sweatdrop-  
anyway, the next chapter should be up soon-ish ;3

renahhchen xoxo


	7. Seventh FML: Miku's Clone

**SOS Onboard the Maid Star**

**Seventh FML**

'Miku's Clone'

* * *

"So, do you know who those guys are? The ones harassing you?" Neru asked, reaching up on her tip-toes to get to her shoe locker.

_Really, _Neru thought (as she did every time she went to change her shoes), _being short sucks so much. And it doesn't help they give me the highest fucking locker they could manage. I wonder if this was all some big, practical joke? Maybe some undefined, unknown holy deity is laughing down at me from it's magical cloud, as it makes everyday objects too high up for me to reach._

_Oh, wow, I just discovered the meaning of life._

_To be miserable._

_Forever._

_Unless you're Megurine Luka, of course. Then, the universe bends to your every wish and whim._

Miku looked thoughtful. She had gone back to toying with strands of hair, as she did so every time she was agitated. It was quite cute, really. Not that Neru just thought that, of course not. Hahaha.

"No," said Miku slowly. "They must be in a different year or something..."

Well, that was a surprise.

Neru thought Miku, being the social butterfly that she was, knew everybody in their school; even if she _did_ have so many friends and followers she couldn't be expected to know them all.

But, apparently not.

Then again, stalkers didn't make themselves known to their targets quite so easily. That would completely undermine the thrill of chasing your victim.

...Not that Neru had ever stalked anyone.

Not at all.

Her extensive knowledge on Kagamine Len was completely coincidental.

Hahahahaha-

Okay, even the laughter in her internal monologues were sounding_ very_ strained at that point.

"Well, how am I going to track them down if I don't know their names?" asked Neru, trying to snatch at her shoes. Even stood on tip toes, with her arm stretched out to near breaking point, it wasn't enough.

Screw this.

"Do you need a hand?" Miku asked. She'd already put her own outdoor shoes, and was standing by Neru with her arms behind her back.

"No!" Neru retorted. She didn't want Miku to help her- it'd only make her feel even more in debt to the twin-tailed girl. Somehow. Which was very unfortunate, considering Miku seemed to exist on the earth to help people, for no properly defined reason, like a character in a kids' cartoon. "I'm perfectly fine. Just- argh, shit!"

Neru's outstretched fingers had finally managed to catch hold of her shoes. Unfortunately, she hadn't been able to get a firm hold on them, and both shoes fell out of her locker to land on Neru's head. If it had been a scene in an overly-dramatic movie, the shoes would've spiraled through in the air in slow motion, accompanied by frequent cuts to Neru's face and eyes, with a creepy Latin chorus singing in the background of the woe that was to befall the young blonde.

But naturally, it being real life, none of those things happened.

Instead, Neru felt a momentary rush of pain, followed by a headache.

Yes.

Somebody up there really was laughing at her.

Someone who didn't know the pain of being short.

* * *

As usual, Neru wandered about the cafe, taking orders and serving food with a 'I hate humanity and I wish you'd all die' expression on her face (order food and drinks from Akita Neru and get a free scowl with your snack of no extra charge: this exclusive combination cannot be found anywhere else! Hurry and get your carrot cake with free evil aura today!). However, the blonde girl was discretely analyzing every single customer she saw, and calculating which persons looked most likely to harass Miku.

It was a grueling task.

Almost all those disgusting, perverted men, with their eyes fixed on the maids in their revealing outfits, were likely candidates.

_I can't let my own prejudices cloud my judgment, though..._

_Maybe some of these guys are actually decent human beings in their spare time! They can't _all _be as loathsome as I'd like to think._

"Oh, Miku-san, you look prettier every time I see you~" some twenty-ish looking man smiled up at Miku.

"Hehe, you think so?" asked Miku happily, apparently oblivious that this man was (so, _sooo_ obviously) mentally undressing her.

As the man cast his lecherous eyes about Miku, Neru felt her previous resolve crumble away.

She grit her teeth, resisting the sudden urge to punch the stupid man in the nose.

_I give in._

_They're all perverts._

_How can I be expected to see the good in people like _THIS? _It's like trying to find a needle in a haystack, or a half-way normal human being at an anime convention._

_In other words: __IMPOSSIBLE._

_I guess I'll just have to find the ones who look even _more _perverted than the rest of them, that's all._

_Then I'll make them wish they were never born._

_...Well, I have to vent my anger out in _some _way._

"Ah, pretty young girl!"

Neru didn't turn her head.

The obnoxious voice was probably calling for Miki, or Teto, or somebody who was actually attractive and actually caught people's attention (Neru didn't know why, though. Both girls were flat like pancakes.

...Maybe it was because they smiled.

That must have been it.

Neru wasn't going to change herself so people would like her, though. She was above all that).

Whenever anybody wanted Neru's attention, usually they'd say 'Oi, Shortie.'

"Young girl! You, the blonde-haired one."

Huh.

Maybe, for some utterly inexplicable reason, this guy _was _addressing her after all.

"Yeah, whaddaya want?" asked Neru, with her usual 'charm' (or, make that, lack of thereof. Then again, that seemed to be her main 'selling point', according to Miku.

"It's tsundere, Neru-chan! _Tsundere_!" Miku had said happily, clapping her hands together.

You mean, some people were actually turned on by girls who treated them like crap?

Whatever.

Freaks).

The guy Neru was currently firing invisible death rays at was fairly nondescript, apart from his hair. It was bright red. Instantly, Neru's mind jumped to 'hair dye'- but then, did she have any right to think that, considering everyone she knew had a crazy hair color they all claimed was '100 percent natural'?

"That table is making quite a lot of noise," said hair dye guy, looking over his shoulder.

Neru followed his gaze, to see a table of rather rowdy looking people. Strangely enough, there were a few girls mixed in there, too- a rarity for their distinctly male-oriented cafe. The strange people (there were **GIRLS!** The female half of the planet still EXISTED, outside of heavily objectified girls in maid uniforms serving cute cakes! Neru was still trying to adjust to that shock) were sniggering with each other over something like naughty five year olds planning to play a prank on someone.

When the rather nervous-looking maid, Yowane Haku, stumbled up to them and stuttered out 'w-w-what would you like?' in that soft voice of hers, they began to snigger all the more.

Neru clenched her fists.

She hated people like that.

If she had her own way, those who were so cowardly they could only harass others when in large groups would be rounded up and put into blenders. Neru didn't give a damn if such actions could be considered 'genocide'; those people deserved it.

If Neru ruled the world, the first action she'd take as the Supreme Overlord (Overlady?) and Ultimate Dictator would be to murder those useless people.

And, at the back of her mind, Neru wondered- alongside her mild concerns she had some deep-rooted mental problem-

_Are these the people Miku was talking about?_

_Are these her 'stalkers'?_

_I wonder..._

They were dressed so stupidly Neru could hardly believe they had more than forty two fully functioning brain cells between them. It was quite chilly outside, but they'd completely ignored that in favour of 'fashion'- or lack of thereof. Rather, they seemed desperate to look as _**un**_fashionable as possible- which was an interesting angle to take. Maybe it was meant to be a 'subtle' shot at the fashion industry- a 'haha, take_ that_'?

...Or maybe they just had no taste.

That seemed to be more likely.

All their clothes had been slashed to ribbons, as though some mad person had taken a pair of scissors to their outfits. They wore tight-fitting leather and fishnets that clung to the skin without leaving much to the imagination. They were all very pierced, too; Neru was sure, between them, they had a tonne of molten steel pierced through their ears, noses, eyebrows, tongues- and various other places Neru didn't even want to imagine.

And... was... one of those girls wearing a bra with a pair of tight, barley-there shorts?

...Oh well. Who cared?

It was her own stupid fault if she caught pneumonia and died.

Neru couldn't right all the wrongs in the world- and 'educating people who wear stupid clothes thinking they're amazing when they actually look like morons' was pretty low-down on her to-do list.

"So, red-head," said Neru, looking back at the glasses guy with folded arms. "What do you want me to do about them? I can't exactly go beat them up- unless you want me to lose my job."

At least- that was what the very calm, rational part of Neru had said.

But that side of Neru swiftly died a swift, painless death when she heard the words pouring from these people's mouths- which were even more idiotic than their clothes.

"Hey, sexy!~" crooned a twin-tailed abomination who looked an _awful _lot like Miku, only with a terrible (er... terrible-'er') taste in clothing.

Neru looked around, her eyes searching the cafe.

Maybe she was talking about somebody else?

...But there was nobody else.

That strange girl was talking to _**her**_.

_Oh, __come on__, _Neru thought, massaging her temple with her fingers. _There are __**guys **__with you, as well. If I'm going to get sexually harassed, I'd rather it be by somebody who doesn't have boobs- and bigger ones than mine, too._

_...I hate my life._

_And seriously, this girl looks so much like Miku you'd think they were related. What- have they (whoever 'they are') run out of unique-enough looking faces, so now they're recycling them? Can I expect to see 'gothic', pierced, mark II Akita Neru at some point in the future?_

_...This is messing with my head._

"Yeah, I'm talking to _**you**_, shortie," hollered the Miku-lookalike.

_Ahh._

_'Shortie'._

_That's more like it. Now I feel I'm back on familiar territory._

Neru cracked her knuckles, narrowing her eyes.

_Nobody's ever called me 'sexy' before- but I know __**just **__what to do when somebody's stupid enough to bring out the 'shortie' comments and the cracks about my height._

_I hope you like having a broken jaw, Miss Miku-copycat._

_How dare you even have Miku's face, anyway? I feel like you're dirtying her image, or besmirching her._

_...Also, I don't know why I'm getting so defensive about this._

"Come over here and serve us already- we want to have a pretty maid tending to our every wish and whim! Kyahaha!" the blonde-haired, bikini-and-shorts wearing bimbo joined in, laughing like a hyena.

"Well..." Miss Miku-lookalike said. She frowned slightly, as though she were deep in thought. If her hair hadn't been pink, one probably could have taken her semi-seriously with an expression like that. It looked like her few brain cells were working hard at that moment. "I don't know about 'pretty', not realllyyy. I mean, some people find short girls cute, but they always seem to have complexes and they get all _**pissy**_ and self-defensive about it. That's not 'adorable'- it's a fucking **pain.**"

"True, true," said bikini bimbo. "I mean, this girl looks pretty self-conscious- she's blushing already."

"I'd be self-conscious if my chest was as flat as that. Haha! Is she even a girl at all?"

Neru swore she heard a collective intake of breath from everybody in the cafe.

Some of the maids actually froze.

It seemed they- Teto and Miki in particular, both of whom were glaring knives, daggers, and various other pointy objects at Miku Act II and Sluterella- understood just how much of a social faux pas it was to insult a girl about her boobs; especially in a _public place._

As fellow suffers of having the flat-chest gene, Neru felt a sudden sisterhood with Miki and Teto.

It seemed all had become silent.

Everybody in the cafe was watching her.

Watching to see what she'd do.

Neru was sure Teto was silently willing her, through some weird chimera mind-control rays, to go punch 'Miku Two: the Electric Boogaloo' the face.

...Or maybe that was just the voice in her own head, getting mixed up with Teto's angry glare and folded arms.

Either way, being stared at like that was uncomfortable.

Neru didn't like being the centre of attention. Even though she complained so vehemently about being over-shadowed in school, she didn't really mind. In fact, being a nobody was _vastly _preferable to being a somebody everybody spoke about; the mere thought of popularity on such dizzying levels left her feeling a little light-headed.

So, logically, Neru should have been doing something to shrink back into the shadows, right?

Well...

No.

Not really.

Because, no matter how uncomfortable Neru felt, and no matter what situation she was in, she could _never_ let a comment about her chest go unpunished.

Never.

That Miku lookalike had hit her berserk button- and, by doing that, she might as well have said 'please, Neru-sama, hit me as hard as you possibly can! Try and make me bleed!'

That was how Neru interpreted it, anyway.

As a declaration of war.

At that moment, Neru didn't care that she was at her job, or that the merry group of five might have been the people stalking Miku, _or_ that there were five of those pierced, leather-and-fishnet clad Visual Kei rejects and only **one **distinctly short little old _her_.

In that moment, she had enough strength for twelve people.

And they would soon know what it meant to feel the full wrath of Akita Neru reign down upon them.

_Then _they'd be sorry- and some of them would probably be in hospital, too.

"Oh look, she's gone so red~" said another of the freaks; another pink-haired girl with a side ponytail, and eyes so thickly lined with kohl about half of her face was smothered with black circles.

"You think she's gonna cry?" asked bikini-bimbo.

"I'd like to see that! Hahah- urghh!"

But Miss Miku-lookalike's taunt had quickly been quashed by a fist...

Not from Neru...

But from _**Miku**_.

Neru's own fist had been inches away from the clone's face- but the polite, mild-mannered, sweet tempered _Hatsune Miku _(and Neru had to repeat that line in her head to make sure she wasn't seeing things or going delusional- but nope, no matter how much she blinked, that was definitely Hatsune Miku, and it didn't stop being **Hatsune Miku** no matter how wrong that sentence was) had beaten her to it.

Her eyes were narrowed, and she was pouting- and, whilst she didn't look _terrifying_ (not like Neru did when she got pissed off), she certainly didn't look like her usual smiling, bright, happy-go-lucky self.

"H-hey," snarled Miss Miku-whatever, glaring up at the **real** Miku.

Neru waited for the cussing.

The violence.

Maybe Miss Miku-face would try and bite off _Neru's_ Miku's (now... where did that possessive come from all of a sudden?) finger?

Neru was sure Miku would be unable to cope with an assault like that- not from five heavily pierced, stupidly dressed fans of Luna Sea (Neru didn't need to ask them about their musical inclinations: she was positive they listened to bands like that). And, when that violent attack came, Neru would be sure to roundhouse kick them in the stomachs, and most probably lose her job- but it'd be _worth _it, because Neru didn't really want the sweet, helpful, irritatingly-good-at-everything-and-yet-impossible-to-hate Hatsune Miku being turned into Miku-chan pancakes or a turquoise-ish smear on the floor.

Neru would help Miku.

In fact, she was kind of hoping the 'not so fantastic' five _**would **_try to attack Miku, so Neru could show off with her impressive fighting skills, prove to Miku she wasn't completely useless as a human being, and deal some severe damage on the creeps who had insulted her chest measurement.

But...

Strangely enough...

None of that happened.

"W-what was _**that **_for? Y-you don't hit people, Miku-nee-chan! That's **my** thing!" squealed wannabe-goth Miku-face, reaching forwards to prod the real Miku in the cheek.

It was hardly the ultraviolent, completely horroshow, something from a dystopian novel about free will and raping people fight scene Neru had been hoping for.

It wasn't even a fight at all.

Because, seconds later, Miku's pout slipped away into a small smile.

"Neru-chan, please don't be too angry with this idiot," said Miku, rapping gothku's head with her knuckles. "She says silly things she doesn't mean- which is probably why nobody likes her."

"Hey! Onee-chan! That's mean, so meannn~"

'_That's mean?'..._

_Why does this gothic girl sound like a character from a moeblob anime all of a sudden? I thought she'd at _least _try and jam a nail in Miku's eye or something. This contrasts with her appearance somewhat._

_And..._

_'Onee-chan'?_

_Miku, why is your 'onee-chan' grinning at me like that?_

_I feel like I'm the only person who has absolutely no idea what's going on._

* * *

**a/n: **Ooh, been a while since I updated this XD But I lost my plot plan, and then I just now drafted it all up again, so I know exactly where this is going XP~ It should have like 10 more chapters, plus epilogue.  
I hope you enjoy it :3  
I will definitely finish it!  
Now! Let's go!  
Kyahhh!

-is getting all excite-  
xD

**~renahhchen xoxo**


	8. Eighth FML: Hagane's Introduction

**SOS Onboard the Maid Star**

**Eighth FML**

'Hagane's Introduction'

* * *

"Onee-chan...?"

"Yep!" Miku-mark-two (okay, Neru needed to know her real name, so she could stop referring to her like that. It was getting to be a real struggle keeping her insults child-friendly) said cheerfully, popping the 'p' of her 'yep' as though it were a bubblegum bubble.

Then, smirking, the palette-swapped Miku pulled the _real _Miku into a bone-crunching hug- though she didn't get up from her seat. As a result, the real Miku ended up doubled over, her too-short skirt doing little to hide her thighs from the staring eyes of various men.

Neru had half a mind to pull Miku's skirt down for her, to 'protect her honour' or some such thing- but then she realized she sounded a lot like Gakupo, and shuddered.

It wasn't _her _job to make sure Miku didn't flash her leek-print panties at everyone.

Besides, Neru was sure, if she_ did_ deign to help Miku, she'd open herself up to a lot of teasing. As a rule, Akita Neru didn't help anyone- not even if that 'help' so something so small as lending somebody a pen in class. The last time Kaito had asked her that (he was so forgetful it was a wonder he remembered to go out of the house with his head attached to his shoulders), Neru had pinged a spare hair tie against his forehead, and then revelled in the look of pain that spread across his face.

Neru couldn't start helping people out now- it would completely ruin her image.

Good grief.

"Ahaha, that's not strictly true!" said the real Miku. She seemed to have realised the danger of being bent over like that, too, because one hand was trying to push her double away from her, whilst the other was trying (fruitlessly) to tug down the hem of her skirt.

"Whaa~aat?" Heavy Metal Miku whined, gripping onto Miku even more tightly. "That's so mean! You'd deny our bond _stronger than sisters? _I'm so hurt!"

"Yeah, Miku-chan!" said Miss Bikini Model (who, Neru realised with a shocked start, was actually really, really flat-chested. Why was she wearing a bikini when she had nothing to put in it...? The mind boggled), prodding Miku in the sides. "You might act like a nice, refined lady, but you can be so cruel sometimes!"

"I-it's not like that!" Miku retorted. "I-I'm happy to see Hagane-chan-"

_Hagane-chan?_

_Finally- a name! I don't think the '-chan' honorific suits this girl, though. Then again, Miku's so polite she sometimes adds honorifics to inanimate objects, so it's not like her example is the best one to follow._

_'Hagane' doesn't sound like a first name, though._

_Not at all._

_I mean, I know Japanese names all have deep, oh-so-complex meanings, but who'd call their kid the rough equivalent of 'metal sound'?_

_No wonder she's turned out the way she did._

_That's like a self-fulfilling prophecy, or something…_

_Or is that 'I think therefore I am'?_

…_I don't know._

"If you love me so much then whhyyy are you trying to get away from me?" asked Hagane, staring up at Miku with a pout that could end all pouts. It would've been devastatingly adorable- even to an icy-hearted girl like Neru- had there not been so many piercings skewered through her poor, abused lips, and she hadn't been wearing black lipstick. That lipstick, coupled with her chalky white skin, made her look a little bit like a corpse. "Stay here, Miku-nee-chan! I haven't seen you in agesss~"

"I have to go to work!" Miku squealed. "L-let go..."

"Stop being immature, Hagane-san," said the salmon-haired girl with the side ponytail. Despite her style of dress, her voice was very calm and commanding- almost regal. It... reminded Neru of somebody. "Let go of Miku. She can talk to you later."

"...Humphh. Fine, fine," said Hagane, after a short pause, pulling away from Miku.

Then, Hagane turned to look at Neru, her eyes lighting up like lanterns.

"But can I have some fun with this sour-faced maid?"

At the phrase 'sour-faced', Neru's expression contorted into something even more bitter (just to prove this girl's point, it seemed, much to Neru's irritation). Scowling, Neru reached forwards, picked up a menu from Hagane's table, and hit her across the face with it.

"No. I am strictly off limits- _especially _to people like you," said Neru, throwing the menu down and flicking her ponytail in a haughty manner. "Wear some decent clothes, and then maybe I'd consider spending more than two seconds in your company. Geez."

"H-huh..." Hagane frowned, sticking out her tongue. "These people are all so boring."

"They're just more responsible than you," said the pink-haired girl with the side ponytail who was completely copying Neru's trademark hairstyle.

"Being responsible is bo~ring, Luka-chan!" said Miss Bikini Model, ruffling the pink-haired girl's hair and-

Wait, wait, wait a minute.

_Luka?_

_As in, Megurine Luka?_

_**The**__ Megurine Luka?_

But the longer Neru stared at the Living Dead Doll that was 'Megurine Luka', the more she began to see the resemblance between her and the mild-mannered, polite, incredibly attractive salmon-haired Yamato Nadeshiko whose mixi account she liked stalking. At first Neru had been unable to recognise her, because of those huge black circles round her eyes like a panda's, and those strange clothes.

But...

Neru definitely recognised those sharp eyes, that pointed chin, and that silky, pink hair- even though it was tied up in a messy side tail, strands of hair exploding outwards in a fluffy haze.

And now, the closer Neru looked at the other girl- the one wearing the completely pointless bikini- she began to see she bore slightly more than a 'passing resemblance' to Kagamine Rin, even if she wasn't wearing her trademark ribbon.

And then Miss Bikini Model confirmed that by smiling at Neru, tilting her head to one side, and saying, "Hi, Neru-chan! Are you having fun? Miku-Miku's being nice to you, isn't she? Hehehe~"

Neru could only stand there...

And stare.

She didn't recognize the two boys (and thank God for that; if they'd been Kaito and Gakupo- or, God forbid, _**Len**_- dressed up like Halloween monsters, Neru would have had a heart attack), but that didn't change the fact those two girls were definitely, _indisputably _Luka and Rin.

And just who was 'Hagane-chan' in relation to Miku, anyway?

Neru suddenly felt like she'd stumbled into the midst of a very confusing shoujo manga. This would be the part where fifty thousand new characters, all of whom looked almost identical to previous characters because the artist was lazy, would be introduced. And then the reader would completely forget them all within ten pages because these extra characters were useless and completely irrelevant to the plot.

...Not that Neru had read any such manga series, of course.

Well.

Not _that_ many of them.

And she only did them to laugh at how ridiculous the main characters were- certainly, she never sympathised with any of the female leads! And she _never _wished she had their cheerful, happy, love and joy filled lives like theirs, either.

...Honestly.

It was true.

You'd have to be an idiot to think that.

"Oh, maybe I should introduce you to my band~" said Hagane, smiling. When she smiled, she didn't look all that scary, really; her resemblance to Miku was so striking it was bordering on impossible for her to look _truly _scary. "I mean, I already know who you are, Neru-chan-"

"Don't call me that. You're not my friend."

"-but you don't know all of us, yes?"

_I don't know._

_If those two girls really __**are**__ Luka and Rin- which they totally __are__- then I'll try to distance myself from them and _make them _strangers as much as possible._

_...I wonder if Gakupo knows about Luka's weird cosplaying-type hobbies?_

_And since when did Luka get so many piercings?_

_Are they __**real**__?_

_...I always thought Luka was too quiet and 'normal'. Of course there'd be something weird about her._

_For some reason, I'm really not surprised about Rin, though._

"Well~ This is Rin-chan-" said Hagane, motioning towards the Rin-lookalike whose identity had now been confirmed, "-and Luka-chan-", ditto, "-and Rinta-" she pointed towards a guy who looked an awful lot like Rin, "and Meito," she pointed towards a guy with expertly-styled brown hair, feathered and layered and spiked to such a great degree he looked like he'd been designed by Tetsuya Nomura. He even had that whole 'unspecified gender' thing going on for him.

"... ...Right."

Neru could only stare at this band of weirdos with her mouth partially open, her head tilted to one side.

It felt an awful lot like somebody had pulled her brain out of her ear; not that Neru knew, first-hand, how that felt, of course.

She was only speculating.

"Hey, Neru, Miku!" Neru heard Nana shouting at her. "I don't pay you to stand there looking pretty! Get to work!"

Both Neru and Miku jumped at this- though Miku looked significantly guiltier than Neru. Neru just looked vaguely pissed off- though, she _always_ did, so that wasn't too different from normal.

"Y-yes, Nana!" Miku chirruped, bowing her head in an apology. She was blushing.

"Haha~ Miku, you're so adorable," said Meito. He was smirking like a cat that'd just caught a mouse- and Neru decided, in that instant, she didn't like him very much. He didn't really have a right to flirt with Miku when he looked so much like a girl himself.

"Yeah," Rinta chipped in. Smiling lazily, he reached forwards and tugged at one of Hagane's light-pink pigtails. "Not like this troublesome girl here."

...Neru decided she liked Rinta quite a bit more than Meito.

She'd been thinking that about Hagane for a while now.

"I-I am not troublesome!" Hagane said, prodding Rinta in the ribs. "I'm not! I'm amazing and awesome and a really, really nice person- stop laughing, Rin! And stop SMILING at me like that, Luka, like you're so much better than me! Kyahh!"

Neru turned to give Miku a cold look. Her expression was so icy it could have frozen a lake.

"You _are _going to explain this situation to me, Miku."

"Haha..." Miku gave a small, embarrassed laugh, rubbing the back of her head. "Okay, okay."

"Neru! Miku! Stop talking to each other and do some work!" Nana snapped.

Light pink bloomed across Miku's face again, and she gave a small, uneasy smile.

"I'll tell you after work, kay?"

Neru pursed her lips.

Folded her arms.

She was feeling incredibly confused, and a confused Neru only ever led to destruction and chaos. But... Neru supposed she could hold off on the destruction and chaos _this_ time, just for a _little _while, so Miku could explain everything to her.

"...Fine."

* * *

"So... You're Miku's cousin?"

"Yepyep!" Hagane said, nodding so furiously Neru wondered if her head was going to fall off.

_Geez._

_She may look pretty 'tough' on the outside- ignoring those girlish twin tails, of course- but her personality really doesn't match up with her outward image. It's disconcerting- kind of like if all rabbits were evil, homicidal killing machines._

_Then again, I shouldn't have expected anything less from a relative of Miku's._

_I think stupidity must run in the family._

_That, and a general naivete/ditziness that makes me wonder how they managed to survive past their fifth birthdays._

Neru, Miku, Hagane, Rin and Rinta had gone back to Miku's house after Neru and Miku finished their shifts in the cafe. Luka and Meito declined Miku's invitation to come back to her house- but Neru felt vaguely suspicious of this. She hoped Luka wasn't dating Meito or anything; that would probably have crushed Gakupo, like an eggplant being driven under the wheel of a truck.

...Then again...

Neru didn't know why she should feel sorry for Gakupo. It wasn't like she got along with the purple-haired wannabe samurai. In fact, she found him (as she did with most of humanity) incredibly irritating.

If Neru had to choose between Gakupo and Meito, though, she'd definitely have gone for Gakupo.

At least he still looked a man- despite his long, smooth, highly desirable hair, which seemed even better kept than Miku's.

Meito was just...

Blaaaahhh.

Oh well. If Luka and Meito really were 'an item', it'd be another thing for Neru to post about on Luka's mixi account. Spreading gossip was fun.

...If she did that, wouldn't Luka know it'd been _her _who was leaving those spam messages?

How many other people knew about Luka's pierced, leather-and-fishnet-clad alter ego with the side ponytail, anyway?

Besides, Neru was sure, no matter whom she told, nobody would believe her. Luka was far too pretty and perfect to be related to the Visual Kei movement; in the mind's eye of the general public (and by 'general public' Neru meant all of Luka's fanboys), she was more suited to wearing traditional clothes than ripped apart fishnets and corsets.

Neru wouldn't have believed that girl was Luka if it hadn't been confirmed by Miku.

...Damn.

_I guess this means I can't use this as potential blackmail material, then._

_What's the point in even having this useless information anyway?_

Miku had taken her entourage back to her house because, as she'd told Neru, it would have taken too long trying to explain her complicated family tree in the middle of the street- and anyway, it was really, really cold. Rin had been shivering so badly it looked like she was going to turn into a Kagamine popsicle- not that Neru had any objections to that happening. It probably would have been fun to watch, if she had a bucket of popcorn. But Neru had been freezing to death just a little bit, too.

Besides, Neru didn't suppose Len would be very happy if his sister caught frostbite and her limbs dropped off.

"Miku-chan is my cousin- even though it pains me to say it," said Hagane, petting Miku roughly on the head. "I mean, it must be so tough for her, having such a sexy, talented, amazing-awesome cousin! I bet she feels overshadowed- but I can't being so incredibly wonderful!"

"Or so incredibly big-headed," said Rinta dryly, rolling his eyes.

Neru couldn't help but smirk at this comment.

"Hey! Don't be mean!" Hagane yelled, sticking out her tongue. Neru noticed it was pierced- the shining metal ball sparkled in the lights of Miku's living room.

"The truth hurts, doesn't it?" said Rinta.

"Not as much as I'm going to hurt _**you**_ right now!" Hagane puffed out her cheeks like a blowfish, picked up a cushion from the sofa, and made to throw it at Rinta but-

"Please don't," said Miku, taking hold of Hagane's arm. Miku was smiling pleasantly, and her voice was polite enough, but there was a certain steely quality to it that made even Neru flinch. "I don't want a repeat of what happened last time you came over."

"Yeah, Mii-chan," said Rinta, getting to his feet. He cracked his back, rolled his head around a few times to remove any knots of stress in his neck- and then walked swiftly over to Hagane, flicking her in the forehead. "Don't be so hot-blooded. It's such a pain."

"I wouldn't be a 'pain' you could be a decent human being for five seconds!" Hagane retorted.

"Hmnnnope. Not going to happen."

"Rinta, stop being an asstrumpet," said Rin, tugging her male look-a-like back down onto the sofa beside her. "Hagane-chan might act like an air-head, but that's not the case. She's _scary. _If she holds a grudge against you she'll come and get you when you're sleeping… Standing over your bed… What, are those fingernails scratching at your neck? You'll never be free… Never… Kikikikikikiki…"

"...That's actually pretty friggin creepy," said Rinta, clapping his hand over Rin's mouth. "You've got to teach me how to do that laugh- urgh!"

Rin had just licked his hand.

Rinta recoiled from Rin as though he'd been hit with a cattle prod.

"You freak."

"Takes one to know one," Rin retorted.

"Okay, so you're Miku's cousin," Neru said to Hagane, trying to make sense of this in her head. "Why'd you call her 'onee-chan', then?"

"Because we're as close as sisters!~" said Hagane.

"We looked almost identical when we were younger, so people would mistake us for sisters, or twins," Miku explained, with the patience of a saint. She had to have been patient, to grow up with an annoying girl like Hagane.

"Yeah~ We used to dress up as each other sometimes- and everybody would be really confused. Kikikiki~"

_Why do all these people have such good 'creepy' laughs?_

_It's beginning to make my skin crawl._

"We didn't get to go to same high school though," Hagane continued, pouting. "Because I'm stupid."

"I did try to help you study," said Miku, sighing. "But it was almost as if you were _actively trying_ to ignore everything I taught you as quickly as possible... Hmn." She frowned. "I wonder."

"She just wanted to get into the same school as me," said Rinta, smirking easily. "Because she knew there was no chance_** I**_ was going to study for any exams. So she thought 'why should I try? If I go to that smart school I won't be able to see Rinta again, and my life will be over!' Hahaha- ow-"

Rin had just thumped Rinta over the head.

"Don't make fun of a girl's heart!" Rin said seriously. "'Love' is the most serious emotion in the world, you stupid sore-head!"

"Says the girl who loves Valentine's Day because all the unsold chocolate goes on sale dirt-cheap when it's over," said Rinta, sticking out his tongue.

"Well, at least I can find love and happiness on such a wonderful holiday even without a date!" Rin retorted.

"That's only because you're a greedy bitch."

"Oh, that was a lowww bloww, pretty boy. Get ready for the death sentence!"

And, with that, Rin grabbed hold of Rinta and began to tickle him to death.

With many interruptions and small outbursts of this sort between Hagane, Rin and Rinta, Neru eventually learned that Miku, Rin, Len, Hagane, Rinta, Luka and Meito had been childhood friends. Whilst Miku, Rin, Len and Luka were intelligent enough to get into the same high school (this was probably the most unbelievable part of the tale. Rin? _Smart_? Those two words didn't belong in the same sentence, unless you put a 'not' before the 'smart'), Hagane, Rinta and Meito had gone to a different high school. Those three were members of a heavy metal band, alongside Luka (the vocalist) and Rin (the drummer).

And what was Hagane's full name?

...Hagane Miku.

Oh yeah. She just happened to have the _same exact _first name as her eerily similar-looking cousin.

What were the odds?

Neru supposed Miku's family was just really, really uninventive. One relative had settled for the name 'Miku', and all the others had gone, 'yeah, that'll do. I think I'll steal that.'

What a joke.

"If that's too confusing you can just call me Mii-chan," said Hagane. "Or... can you get a good nickname out of my family name? What about nee-chan?"

But Neru put her foot down on _that_ pretty quickly.

"**No."**

"Aww~ Why not?" Hagane had pouted.

"Because it sounds too much like 'onee-chan'," said Neru flatly. "And I'm _not _going to compromise my self-respect by calling a person like _you _'big sister'. What if people thought we were actually related?"

"N-neru-chan!" said Miku. "That's a little cruel..."

"It's perfectly understandable, though," said Rinta. "_I_ wouldn't want to be related to her, either. I don't know how you stand it, Miku- it's a wonder you haven't jumped off a bridge yet."

"…There aren't any bridges in this immediate area," said Miku.

Rinta laughed and clapped his hands together, as though he'd just discovered plutonium.

"That'll be the reason why then, won't it?"

"Ooh, I've got another idea!" said Hagane cheerfully, putting her hand up in the air as though she were in class. Of course, if Neru had the option of picking her or not, she wouldn't have done- she'd have sat there, glaring at her, until Hagane kept her hand in the air so long her blood stopped circulating properly and it fell off. But Hagane didn't wait for anybody to choose her- instead, she just started talking. "Why don't we call goodie two-shoes Miku 'Miku-chan' and you can call me 'Miku-sama'?"

"...There are so many things wrong with that I don't even want to begin picking holes," said Neru, giving 'Miku-sama' a disgusted look, as though she were a water beetle and Neru had found her in her soup. "I'm sure it must be sad, having such a miserable existence you need to glorify your name, but don't rope other people into your ego-boosting. Because, for the record, I don't _**do **_that. I let pathetic people know when they're pathetic.

"I think I'll just call you 'Pest' from now on," Neru finished, flipping her blonde side tail over one shoulder in a dismissive gesture.

Neru was acting even crueller than usual- but she couldn't help herself. It wasn't that she enjoyed being nasty (although she _did_); it was more... stress relief. She was unloading her own problems on other people.

After she'd spent a good few minutes insulting somebody, she always- invariably- felt better about herself.

Maybe that was childish; but Neru really didn't care.

If bruising a few feelings and smashing a few egos kept Neru from murdering Luka with a soup strainer for being so damned perfect, it was worth it.

Besides, Neru was feeling even _more_ irritated than usual; mainly due to her realization that Hagane and her crew weren't Miku's stalkers, she couldn't utilise her newfound gossip on Luka in a productive way, and because she couldn't- just _couldn't_- extend her verbal barrage to cover Hatsune Miku herself.

Neru didn't know why...

But, somehow, she felt Miku was 'off-limits'.

Neru didn't discriminate when it came to insulting people; anybody who got in her way, she'd cut down. That was probably why she didn't have many real friends, save Gumi.

But Neru... couldn't insult Miku.

She didn't know why- but she was sure, if she ever tried, she'd feel like a horrible person.

Making Miku cry would've been about as much fun as kicking puppies.

At least Neru _could _insult Hagane. The fact that she looked so much like Miku, too- though with a significantly higher tolerance to insults and an awful fashion sense- made Neru feel slightly better, too. In essence, Hagane was acting as Miku's expy. Neru was unloading two lots of hate onto that one person.

Hagane seemed to be taking it pretty well, though.

"N-neru-chan..." Miku's eyes had gone so wide it looked like her turquoise irises had eaten up most of her face.

Rinta, however, was smirking.

"I like this girl, Miku," he said, gesturing towards Neru. "Can I have one?"

...Neru decided she really _did _like Rinta quite a lot.

That didn't stop her from flipping him off, though.

She still had her reputation to think of.

…Or what little was left of it, thanks to working at a maid café.

* * *

**a/n: **yeahh Hagane Miku :3 I love her XD~ I like the idea of her being all rather dark and scary in outward appearance, but being just as much of a ditz as Miku (maybe even more) irl XD  
There's something desu about it.  
The plot thickens o:  
Actually, not really, it hasn't properly started yet XDD

**~renahhchen xoxoxo**


	9. Ninth FML: Miku's Embarrassment

**SOS Onboard the Maid Star**

**Ninth FML**

'Miku's Embarrassment'

* * *

"How come you know so much about me, anyway?" Neru asked Hagane, folding her arms.

Just for the occasion (the occasion being 'intimidate that pink pigtail'd bitch'), Neru had put on her best 'I will rip your entrails out of your body' expression- and, yes, that _**was**_ a real expression Neru had in her extensive repertoire of incredibly scary faces. It came somewhere between the 'I'll tear your fingernails out, one by one' and the 'I'll peel your stupid smile right off your skull' expressions on the 'disturbing-o-meter'.

Neru had used that face on her English teacher once when he'd given her bad grade. As a direct result, that same teacher had to take a week off school. Apparently, he'd caught some 'mysterious illness'.

Yeah, 'mystery illness'- riightt.

The only illness that teacher had been suffering from was _fear_.

Thus, Neru knew her expression was scary. However, much to her irritation, Hagane didn't seem to be swayed by it. Her sleepy smile didn't even flicker; Neru's murderous intentions hadn't put a single, solitary dent in Hagane's cheerful, beaming face.

Neru was beginning to doubt whether Hagane had enough brain cells to know a death glare when she saw one. She was probably the sort of girl who'd pet a rabid dog on the head- and she'd keep right on giggling, even after it bit off her fingers.

"Well, of course I know about you, Neru-chan-"

"I already told you not to call me that."

"-because you're onee-chan's friend, _**Neru-chan**_," Hagane finished, adding extra emphasis on Neru's unwanted nickname.

Neru was now 100% positive Hagane was just trying to push her buttons. Sure, the pink-haired girl was smiling genially, but Neru was beginning to suspect that was an act.

Neru clenched her fingers into fists, narrowed her eyes, and counted up to ten in her head. She _wasn't _going to get upset. She _wasn't _going to murder Hagane. She was _far _too mature for Hagane's 'mind games'.

"Onee-chan talks about you a lot," said Hagane blithely, nudging Miku in the side with her pointy elbow. "Isn't that right, onee-chan?"

"A-ah, um... N-not really..."

Neru noticed, to her surprise, a slight blush had spread across Miku's cheeks. What did she have to blush about, exactly? What had she been telling Hagane?

Neru suddenly felt very curious.

"Aww, you're just being modest," said Hagane, giggling. Then she leant forwards, placed a finger against her lips, and said, with a conspiratorial wink, "Onee-chan doesn't want me to tell you this, Neru-chan, but she _really _likes you~ Kikikikiki~"

"T-that's not even true!" Miku retorted, grabbing a cushion. For a brief second Miku pondered hitting Hagane over the head with it- however, her blush soon became so violent she decided against that course of action. Instead, Miku crushed the poor cushion to her chest so forcefully that, if it'd been a person, it would have died. Then, she buried her face into it.

Neru could watch their exchange with a vague sense of dread curdling in her stomach.

She was beginning to feel very confused again.

_What does that even mean, 'she __really__ likes you?' I don't like the emphasis Hagane placed on that 'really'- but, in all honesty, Miku __really likes__ everyone. Even me, I guess, for whatever weird reason._

_I guess, despite being a nice person, she has no taste, and no common sense._

_... ...Am I insulting myself?_

_...That's just depressing._

"Kikikiki~" Hagane continued to giggle maliciously, like an imp. She was _staring _at Neru, too- really staring at her, as though she'd suddenly grown an extra head. That was a rarity. Most people didn't stare at Neru; they were smart enough to know that wasn't a good move.

Neru was sure Hagane was trying to unsettle her.

Well, she wasn't going to let her win. Neru had _far_ too much pride to lose against a poorly-dressed freak like that!

Besides, Hagane's teasing had made Miku's face go so red she looked like a sunburnt tomato. Neru rarely saw Miku getting flustered like that; she had so many friends and followers at school she'd never had any cause to be embarrassed. It was... interesting... seeing her so shame-faced, but Neru also felt a little sorry for her. Miku had somehow become mixed up in Hagane and Neru's disagreement- and it wasn't fair. Miku didn't have anything to do with it.

_"You don't need to worry about it. I'll look out for you."_

That was what Neru had said to reassure Miku about her stalkers. But Neru was now rather perturbed, disturbed and thoroughly _un_nerved to note that promise was no longer solely applicable stalkers. Instead, it had extended to cover Miku's annoying cousins- and anybody, in general, who made Miku feel uncomfortable.

Miku didn't deserve to be bullied- she was too nice.

But... Neru had never felt that protective over somebody else before.

She'd certainly never felt those powerful feelings for any object that wasn't inanimate, with an LCD screen and a keypad that she could use to text insulting messages anonymously to various people she didn't like (and there were a lot of people that fit into that category, which was why Neru's cell phone was pretty much superglued to her hand).

"Hey, you," said Neru, her voice colder than a Russian winter.

"Huh? Me?" asked Hagane innocently, pointing towards her face. "What have I done, Neru-chan? I was only doing onee-chan a favour. She's shy, you see, so she can't express her real feelings too well."

"I don't care if you have a problem with me," said Neru darkly, cracking her knuckles. "Most people do- and I don't really blame them. But don't drag Miku-chan into your petty disagreements- it's not fair on her."

"Ohh?" Hagane raised a brow. "'Miku-chan', is it?"

Under normal circumstances, Neru would have blushed at a comment like that. She wasn't on first name terms with many people- it was almost a novel idea.

But Neru was too angry to even _remember _her usual embarrassment.

"Yeah, it is. Because she's my friend. And I don't care if you're her cousin or the princess of the fucking universe- I won't go easy on anybody who insults me, or Miku. And..." Neru got to her feet, drawing herself up to her full height- which, granted wasn't very impressive. Her dangerous smirk more than made up for it, though. It was a smirk that had sent countless people into near hysterics- and it's effect at close range was devastating. "I remember I never paid you back for those 'flat-chested' comments. Saying things like that about me is unforgivable, you know."

"Ahaha!" Hagane laughed sheepishly. Then, in one swift movement, she grabbed hold of Miku's shoulders (the expression that flitted across Miku's face could only be described as '...!') and pulled the turquoise-haired girl in front of her, like a shield. "Don't hurt me! You wouldn't want to hurt Miku-chan too, would you?"

Neru paused for a few seconds. She rolled her eyes.

"...That's so cheap."

"Personally, I'd go for it, Akita," said Rinta, who (thankfully) wasn't addressing Neru with the same creepily intimate terms as Hagane did, despite only knowing her for an hour. "Miku-chan's a freak; she'll forgive just about anybody for anything."

"Yeah, I mean, reallyy," Rin agreed. "You'd have to try pre~tty hard to make Miku hate you. Or _anyone_."

"So if you hurt Miku-chan whilst going for Mii-chan, we'll all understand," Rinta finished. "Nobody will blame you."

"I think somebody should beat Mii-chan up sometimes," said Rin, giggling. "She totally deserves it!"

Both Hagane and Miku turned to give Rin and Rinta, their so-called 'friends', rather scandalized looks. The expressions on their faces were almost identical; it was nothing short of eerie. Neru suddenly felt like she'd stepped into the Twilight Zone.

"H-hey!" Miku squeaked. "D-don't drag me into this..."

This was precisely what Neru had been thinking for the past few minutes, too.

She frowned.

"Anyway, Neru-chan, you'd _never _hurt Miku-chan, right?" Hagane said, tightening her grip on Miku's shoulders so her cousin squeaked. "Miku-chan was telling me what such a short temper you had- that was why I had to test it out in the café, to see if it was reallyyy that bad! Ahaha!~ But Miku-chan said you were nicer to _her_! Isn't that interesting? I wonder why!"

"That's not true!" both Miku and Neru said at the same time.

Then, her face set in an unusually serious line of determination, Miku grabbed hold of a cushion, beat Hagane over the head with it, then slipped off her lap and exited the room- but not before taking hold of Neru's arm and pulling her along.

"W-what?" Neru asked, confused, as Miku deposited her in the hallway as though she were a pizza box.

Miku blinked slowly and looked around her surroundings, as though she'd only just realized what she'd done. Somehow, in her hurry to get away from her cousin, she'd unwittingly pushed Neru against a wall. Miku's hands were pressed the shorter girl's shoulders, her face so close to Neru's their noses were also bumping.

"...Kyahhh..."

Miku gave a small, weak sound of distress. If Neru had to liken it to any Earthly sound she'd ever heard, she would've said it sounded (just a bit) like a yowling cat whose tail had been stamped on.

Face bright red, Miku jumped away from Neru as though she'd been electrocuted, apologizing all the while.

"A-ah, I'm sorry, I'm sorry-"

Miku's embarrassment was so thick it was almost tangible. Neru could feel it in the air, heavy, like smoke fumes. It seemed to be catching, too, because a faint pink blush soon began to spread across Neru's face, and her heartbeat seemed to triple. She could hear it drumming out a rhythm in her chest, pumping blood to her cheeks.

"N-no..." said Neru, sighing. She ran a hand through her blonde bangs, trying to dispel the oncoming headache she could already feel prodding at the margins of her mind. "It's okay. I don't mind."

"Good... Hehehe..." Laughing nervously, Miku mirrored Neru's uneasy movements and began to run a hand through her own hair, too.

Noticing how stupid this looked, the pair of them copying each other like reflections in a mirror, Neru dropped her own hands to her side. Miku followed suit. Neru's eyes narrowed, and a small hiss of irritation escaped her lips. It sounded a lot like a kettle. However, Neru couldn't bring herself to be irritated with Miku- not when she looked so flustered and embarrassed.

"My cousin just says all kinds of weird things, you know?" said Miku, trying to explain away her odd behavior before Neru brought it up. Her hands were clenched together in front of her chest, and she was leant forwards, looking up at Neru imploringly from underneath her eyelashes.

Neru couldn't help but note Miku's bangs were hanging in front of her eyes, and it must've been annoying the teal-haired girl- but Miku didn't move to sweep them aside. Well, even if Miku's disordered hair didn't annoy Miku, it was sure beginning to irritate_ Neru_. Neru bit her lip. Tried to resist the urge to brush those pesky strands of hair to one side.

In the end, her emotions overruled her brain's final judgment- '_no, keep your hands where they are. This situation is awkward enough, stupid_'. Neru's fingers moved forwards, somewhat shakily (_what do I have to be __**shaky**__ about? It's not like I'm trying to kiss her or anything- I'm just moving her hair away, geez_), to brush Miku's bangs behind her ear.

Miku's breath seemed to halt as soon as Neru's fingers made contact with her skin.

Then again, Neru was probably imagining that- forcing her own paranoid delusions onto Miku.

"N-neru-chan...?"

...But Neru probably _wasn't _imagining that nervous, stuttery tone in Miku's voice.

Or that blush on her cheeks.

And Neru was sure, by the heat radiating off her own face, that her expression was almost exactly the same as Miku's.

_Damnit._

If it wasn't so pathetic, Neru would have laughed at herself.

As it was, she just felt like kicking herself.

"Your hair was in the way of your eyes," Neru muttered, by way of explanation- but that didn't explain why, exactly, her fingers continued to linger on Miku's skin. Oh well. It was probably best not to think about these things too much- or her brain would implode and she'd end up as stupid as Rin.

Urgh...

The mere thought of a fate _that_ miserable was enough to make Neru shudder. Because she certainly wasn't shuddering because of Miku, or Miku's proximity, or Miku's breath ghosting across her suddenly super-sensitive skin- not at all. That would just be ridiculous. Almost as stupid as Teto's hair.

"I was just... brushing it away..." Neru finished.

"I see," said Miku. A small, uneasy smile tugged her lips. It was so far removed from her usual calm, controlled expressions that Neru felt it hit her heart, making it beat erratically. "Hehe... Thanks~ Although, I could have done that myself."

"I bet you wouldn't have done it properly," said Neru, smirking slightly. "You're such an idiot."

"Hey... I-I take offence to that..."

"Can't help it. The truth hurts."

"Yeah, well, so will _this_."

Pouting, Miku moved forwards, making to flick Neru in the forehead- however, the blonde girl was too quick for her. Catching Miku's hands between her own, she turned around, pinning Miku against the wall she had previously been held against.

"N-no fair!" Miku exclaimed, staring imploringly at Neru. "You're being so mean!"

"You hadn't figured that out already?" Neru asked, raising a brow.

"I-I thought you'd be a little nicer to me... I _am _your friend."

"Ha, yeahhh," said Neru, rolling her eyes.

Miku blinked up at her worriedly.

"W-we're... not friends...?"

"Well, I thought we were," said Neru. She scowled, her light-hearted, 'cheerful' (the closest Neru could get to 'cheerful' anyway, which was more of a blood-curdling smirk than a sweet, innocent, smile- but it was the best she could do) expression turning dark(er). "Until you started telling Hagane all about my... shortness... and..." Neru turned her head away, looking down at her chest. "Gyahh..."

"I-I didn't say anything like that!" said Miku, shaking her head. Her twin tails bounced. "I-I would never... She just likes teasing people! But I didn't say any bad things about you- certainly not!"

"I am so sure, hair extensions," said Neru dryly, tugging gently at one of Miku's pigtails.

"They're not! They're real!" Miku exclaimed, sounding just a little offended. "A-and..." Here she tilted her head, a very light, very delicate blush staining her cheeks. "I-I would never say anything mean about you, Neru-chan... I-I think you look... Fine... thewayyouareyouknow. Eep."

And, with a nervous squeaking sound, Miku looked down at the floor.

Neru stared at her.

Her eyes widened slightly.

_What did she say?_

_...It can't be what I heard. I mean, it sounded more like a run-on mess of random sounds and noises than any real language to me._

_I'm probably mishearing things._

_...That must be it._

But that didn't explain the light, fluttery feeling in her chest.

And that was, potentially, a very, _very _bad thing.

"M-miku...?"

But Neru never managed to finish her question because, at that moment-

_Click._

The front door opened.

Neru cursed her stupidity; it would've been far, far more intelligent to have an 'argument' with Miku like this (if you could even count pinning somebody against a wall as an 'argument', and not 'sexual harassment'... Oh God... Neru's blush only grew deeper) in room, with a door you could actually lock. Not in the hallway.

_Definitely_ not in the hallway.

"I'm sorry, the door was unlocked, and I knocked, but you didn't answer..." said a familiar voice.

A very familiar voice.

Neru heard a slight scuffle at the front door. It sounded like this very familiar someone was taking off their shoes, hanging up their coat- and Neru knew she should move away, push Miku to one side before they saw her and the... 'compromising' position they were in. However, as it always did at the sound of that voice, her body had completely frozen. Even her blood had halted in her veins. It seemed that her heart had stopped beating; a direct contrast to how quickly and loudly it had been pounding before.

She swallowed.

It felt like her throat was stuffed with cotton wool.

"Rin said she was here, and I said I'd walk her home 'cause it's pretty dark- and I knew, if I didn't offer, she'd go on at me about what an 'awful big brother' I am, and then she'd pay me back by trying to _cook _for me or something and- o-oh... h-hey... M-miku... A-and Akita-san..."

Neru turned her head, ever so slowly.

She hoped she was dreaming.

Whenever she heard that voice, it usually _was_ a dream.

However, at that exact moment, Kagamine Len looked indisputably, completely, 100% _real._

_Well..._

_Shit._

* * *

**a/n: **Yayy :3  
Real plot stuff starts next chapter, yanno XD~  
Ohemgee.

**renahhchen xoxo**


	10. Tenth FML: Len's Compassion

**SOS Onboard the Maid Star**

**Tenth FML**

'Len's Compassion'

* * *

Neru thought about saying something intelligent- something clever- something _witty_. She thought about saying something that would clear the misunderstanding up between her, Len and Miku completely, leaving no room for doubt (none at all) that this was all a strange misunderstanding, and of _course_ she hadn't been doing anything _strange_ with Miku; at least, certainly nothing 'stranger' than what good, healthy female friends usually got up to (because Miku was Neru's friend, misunderstanding or not, and Neru wouldn't deny that. Why would she _want _to deny that?).

So, in Neru's mind, her response to Len's questioning look was going to be wonderful.

Ground-breaking, even.

Maybe as good as an electoral speech!

And she knew it _had _to be at that level, because her future happiness- her very _chance _at having a 'normal life' with Len, as she'd always dreamed in her moments of weakness- depended on the following words that came out of her mouth...!

She opened her lips.

Cleared her throat.

And all that came out was-

"Erk!"

_...Okay, maybe that _wasn't _the intelligent/clever/witty/wonderful/ground-breaking speech I was hoping it to be._

_Let's try again, shall we?_

"A-ahh..."

But this second attempt was no good, either.

As bright red flooded Neru's face, her mind couldn't help but berate her: _for __fuck's sake,__ you sound like a __**DYING PENGUIN.**_

_Len's staring at you._

_He's __definitely__ staring at you- and not in a good 'I think she's rather attractive and I would like her to mother my future children' kind of way._

_No. No, no, no; this is __worlds__ apart from __that__ kind of stare._

_I bet he thinks I'm a freak._

_Hell, even __**I **__think __**I'm**__ a freak at this point, so it's not like I can argue the point! H-how could I even 'argue the point', anyway, when I can't __**say **__anything! At this moment, I can only make weird dying animal-like noises and a few gasps for air!_

_I-I bet even __**Miku **__thinks I'm a freak, and she's just as incriminated in this situation as I am!_

_Shit._

_Shit shit shit-_

"Akita-san, are you hyperventilating?"

"A-ah..."

_Again with the fucking 'ah's._

That red blush staining Neru's cheeks became even more pronounced (if such a thing were even possible). She ducked her head. Realised her hands were still on Miku's shoulders- _why on Earth were they still on Miku's shoulders? _She jolted away from the twin-tailed girl, as though she'd just pressed her fingertip on a spinning wheel (_who even owns a spinning wheel in this day and age?)_. Neru folded her arms, looked at the floor- anywhere but at Len- and tried to appear nonchalant.

"U-um... L-len-kun..." said Miku.

Neru turned to Miku, her eyes wide, hopeful. Maybe Miku had a good excuse! Maybe Miku was going to clear their names, explain away Neru's weird, long-suffering farmyard animal noises, and then Len wouldn't think she was strange after all, and they'd all laugh together and eat cake and Neru would remember how to breathe and her thoughts would calm down and-

"I-It's nice to see you!" Miku beamed.

...Or not.

No.

Instead of defending Neru, or making up an excuse for their strange poses when Len walked in, Miku was just going to pretend it had never happened.

"It's... nice to see you too, Miku," said Len, scratching his nose. His large blue eyes continued to flicker back and forth between the red-faced Neru and the flushed Miku, confusion stamped across his face so clearly it was almost tangible- but, thankfully, he didn't ask any questions.

Neru's heart filled with a sudden swell of love for Len that was so dizzying she nearly toppled over under the weight of it.

Or... maybe that was just adrenalin in her body, getting her confused and mixed up.

Whatever.

That didn't change the fact that she was still pathetically grateful towards Len for being so nice and non-threatening by not asking the most obvious questions.

Neru's heartbeat slowly returned to its normal pace. Her blush still didn't vanish, though. It was an unfortunate by-product of her feelings for Len; almost every time she caught sight of that boy, with his large eyes, spiky hair and unusually serious face (in contrast to Rin's, anyway, who was always smiling and chattering blithely about oranges or road rollers or various other inane topics of conversation Neru didn't care about) Neru's face always caught alight, like a beacon being lit.

"I did see you only this morning though, haha..." said Len, laughing nervously.

"O-oh! Was it only this morning? I-it feels like longer... Hahaha!" Miku twittered, trying to force a smile. To Neru, though, it looked rather more like Miku was trying not to cry. When she stopped laughing, the room (hallway, rather) fell eerily silent. "Haha... u-um..." Miku looked at the floor, nervously coiling a few strands of turquoise hair about one of her fingers. "W-would you like me to get Rin for you, Len-kun?"

"No need, no need! Do not despair- your princess is **here**!~" Rin declared dramatically, skipping up to her brother's side with a huge smile plastered across her face.

Neru usually found Rin's unnecessarily loud, overly-energetic behaviour obnoxious. Now, however, she was thankful for it.

It was a distraction.

"Princess?" Len asked, pretending to look about the hallway with wide eyes. "Nope. I don't see a 'princess' here. Just two fairly pretty girls and-" he prodded Rin in the forehead "-one evil witch."

_Two pretty girls...?_

Neru looked down at the floor, folding her arms. She tried to look cold- uncaring.

_You are the ice queen._

_Your heart is made from cold, un-melting ice._

It didn't work.

She shuddered.

_I-idiot..._

He didn't mean anything by it. It was just talk, of course; teasing. Len was trying to tease Rin.

Surely he didn't realise what effect it was having on Neru's heart- frail as it was (though she always, adamantly, claimed otherwise)- or he wouldn't have done it. Len wasn't trying to hurt her feelings, or play with her emotions- of course not. He was a nice person- perhaps a little _too_ nice, considering how he caved into Rin's demands (although, as he'd told Miku jokingly once before- and Neru just happened to overhear- 'anything for a simple life.' And Rin had laughed, stuck out her tongue, gone 'you love me ree~aalllyy' and him upside the head; just to prove how strange and twisted her unique brand of 'love' was.)

They were just words.

Careless, throwaway words- not meant to mock or hurt or scorn.

...But that didn't change the fact it _did._

It stung.

It stung like pouring iodine onto an open sore and rubbing it in...

_You say two pretty girls…_

_But there's only one pretty girl here._

_You liar._

"Hey!" Rin scowled, thumping Len upside the head. "I'm not an evil witch! If anybody's the 'evil witch', it's Neru-chan!"

"W-watch it, you little freak," Neru hissed, trying to force enough malice into her voice for it to be convincing. She had to play her part; she had to get angry, get riled up... because that was what she did.

_But maybe Rin's right._

_Maybe, to Len, I __am__ the 'evil witch' in this picture._

_...I don't want him to see me like that._

_I bet insulting his annoying sister isn't making me look any better in his eyes- even if she really _does _deserve a good smack round the head sometimes (no, wait- __**all**__ of the time)._

_But if I act in any way other than I usually do, won't that look strange? Suspicious?_

_Am I being paranoid?_

_But I bet, if he knew how I really felt, he'd... laugh at me._

_No, Len wouldn't do that- I know he wouldn't._

_...Not to my face, anyway._

_People are never as nice as you'd believe them to be._

"Kyah!" Rin wailed, taking hold of Len's shoulders and spinning him round, using him as a human shield against the concentrated death laser of pure hate emitting from Neru's narrowed eyes. "Neru-chan really_ is_ scary, Len! You've got to fight the evil monster for me! Protect me, Len-Len!"

"Hahahaha no," said Len dryly, taking hold of Rin's head and ruffling her hair fiercely.

"Awww~ But Lennnnn!" Rin wailed.

"You can't act the victim here dressed like that," said Len, prodding Rin in her exposed belly button (Rin squeaked like a bath toy and flicked him in the forehead). "You look like you just came back from a Malice Mizer concert."

"Hey now, that's an over-exaggeration," said Rin obstinately. "I'm sure most of Malice Mizer's fans are perfectly respectable people!"

"And, sadly, you're not one of them."

"Urghh~" Rin frowned. "You're so mean, Len-Len! How could you abuse your own sister- your own FLESH AND BLOOD- so easily?"

Len sighed. He sounded like a long-suffering parent.

"It's funny how you don't bring up that 'flesh and blood' stuff when you're eating my favourite cereal- not because you like it, but because you want to _annoy _me- or when you steal the remote from me in the middle of my war documentaries, or when you hit me over the head with your text books and persistently ask me to 'help me with this problem, Len-Len, or I'll cut your head off and display in on a spike outside! Kyahaha!'"

Rin frowned, folding her arms. "C'mon, Lenners, that's different."

"Suuu~ure it is." Len rolled his eyes. "I am _so _sure."

"Why're you supporting Neru-chan over me?" Rin asked, circling Len as a vulture would circle a slowly dying animal. It looked like Rin, in her black ripped-leather-and-fishnets combo, was the vulture planning to pick out Len's guts when he collapsed. "Whyyy? It's not fair! I always stick up for youuu~ Remember those bullies in second grade who called you-"

At the mention of the word 'bullies', a faint blush spread across Len's cheeks.

With a nervous laugh- a laugh that contrasted quite horribly against his calm, composed manner- he slapped a hand over Rin's mouth.

"Oh, what a funny story, _Rin_," said Len, spitting out his 'beloved' sister's name as though it was some kind of curse word. "I'm not... supporting Akita-san over you. It's just, having lived with you my whole life (unfortunately), I can say for sure who's the bad guy in this corridor. If Neru insulted you- or has EVER insulted you, for that matter- you probably deserved it. I'm just sad I can't do the same as often as I'd like, being your 'loving brother' and all."

"Huhh~"

Rin made a small noise of agitation, pushing Len's hand off her mouth.

Then, she smirked.

"Don't get any ideas, Len-Len~" she said softly, knocking her brother upside the head with her fist. "I might be the evil witch, and Neru-chan and Miku-chan might make nice princesses- tsundere is totally _in_, yanno?- but you're not a handsome fairytale hero. You're not going to sweep either of these girls off their feet! So don't. Get. Carried. Away."

Rin accentuated each of her final words by rapping Len smartly upside the head, as though she were playing percussion.

It seemed like a fairly normal exchange between Rin and Len- light-hearted teasing, not to be taken seriously- but, to Neru...

It sounded strange.

_Don't get carried away?_

_What's Rin talking about?_

_Why would Len delude himself that he could 'sweep either of these girls off their feet'?_

_Surely he doesn't... intend to do that?_

_Surely he doesn't... ... have a crush on Miku?_

_I know Rin included me in that plural 'girls', but that doesn't seem too likely._

_Why would Len ever go for me?_

_...That can't be the case._

_Or maybe it doesn't mean anything, and this is just the weird, hyper, annoying, sugar-high Rin being herself._

_Her words are meaningless._

_It's all meaningless._

_I'm deluding myself._

_Don't be an __**idiot**__, Neru, _Neru scolded herself, in a tone of voice that sounded frighteningly like Gumi's when she got into one of her 'serious' modes. _Don't be a moron. 'Love' makes people do and say stupid things- but don't be fooled by a few throwaway words that could easily mean nothing._

_Don't get your hopes up._

"Okay, okay!" said Len hurriedly, his cheeks becoming slightly pinker- or maybe Neru was just imagining it (he couldn't have been embarrassed, could he? But then again, it was fairly normal to get embarrassed when your stupid siblings started talking about your love life in front of your friend and a girl you barely knew- even if he didn't have any feelings for either of those girls). He held his arms up around his head, trying to protect his cranium from Rin's blows; how many more poor, helpless brain cells needed to die before Rin would be satisfied? "If you keep hitting me like that my IQ will drop, and then I won't be able to help you cheat in physics anymore! Think of your grade point average, Rin!"

"Oh no!~" Rin squealed theatrically, clutching her hand to her chest as though she'd been burnt. "Kyah! I'd be so totally screwed! I'm sorry, Len-Len!"

"As you should be. But I know you don't mean it." Len smiled softly, laughing. "You're only thinking of your future in Kiyoteru-sensei's class, right?"

"Ahaha~" Rin giggled at this accusation, bumping her fist against her own head and sticking out her tongue. "You got me."

Len ruffled Rin's blonde hair.

His sister smiled back.

For a few moments, there was a truly warm and happy atmosphere in that small corridor of Miku's house.

Even though Rin and Len bickered like a married couple, and were about as different as chalk and cheese, they really seemed to love each other. That bond they shared was so bright and shining, Neru couldn't help but feel that her own one-sided feelings for Len were... quite inadequate (childish, even) when compared to that strong love between Len and Rin.

Her feelings meant nothing in comparison.

They were eclipsed.

They didn't even deserve to be given a name.

And... she felt jealous.

Not just because Rin was so close to Len, and Len so obviously loved his sister (far more than he liked Neru)- that wasn't it.

Or, at least, that wasn't _all._

She felt jealous because...

She'd never, in her whole life, had an easy, friendly, happy relationship like that with another human being. And she couldn't think of any person on the planet- or any planet, for that matter- who would be willing to reciprocate the emotion of 'love' between the cold, sarcastic, prickly Neru...

Even Len, who had defended her from Rin's merciless teasing, didn't 'love' her.

He'd only done it because he was naturally a kind person.

But Len helped Rin out unconditionally, even when she hit him the over the head with heavy textbooks or ate his favourite cereal or dragged him around like a chew toy, because he loved her- he really loved her.

And he'd have done anything for her.

If Len was with Neru for an extended period of time, Neru was sure even he would become irritated with her.

Would grow to despise her.

Cracks would form in his calm persona- and then the dam would burst, and his true feelings would be revealed.

But it would never be like that with Rin and Len.

Not ever.

Who would Neru ever be able to share a bond like that with?

Who would... accept her unconditionally, despite her disagreeable personality?

...She turned to look at Miku.

The turquoise-haired girl was smiling at Rin and Len's banter, chastising Rin, telling her not to be cruel to Len- and Rin smirked, grabbing hold of Miku's twin tails and tugging at them, and Len reached out to stop her, and all three of them were smiling, as though they hadn't a care in the world...

They were best friends, weren't they?

Them and Hagane and Luka and Rinta and Meito.

Neru didn't have anyone like that.

She didn't have any good friends.

Gumi was her friend, sure, and they got on- but they didn't share that same closeness. Not like Rin and Len.

And Miku.

Miku…

Miku, who was always kind and cheerful to Neru, and never stopped giving, even though Neru said she didn't want it- didn't want the job, or the dress, or Miku's coat when it was cold, or her friendship or her help or... anything...

But Miku didn't stop.

Why?

Was she like that naturally?

Was Neru over-thinking this?

_Of course you are._

_Even if Miku does like you, you find her insufferably annoying- right? She might be kind and friendly, but she's... she's __**Miku**__. Don't forget that she's __**Hatsune Miku**__- one of the most popular girls in the school- and you've always hated her because... because..._

_Because..._

_You were just jealous..._

_And you always, deep down inside your heart, wanted to __be__ her._

_But you never wanted to be __with__ her._

_You never asked for her friendship._

_She forced it upon you._

_You don't need to return her feelings._

_And it doesn't have to mean anything._

_Because, no matter what she does..._

_You hate her._

_You'll always hate._

_And the nicer she is, the more you'll realise how stupid it was, thinking you could ever be like her-_

_Because, for you, it would be impossible to ever be so wonderful._

_She's the 'ideal' you're shooting for- the person you want to be- and the longer you spend with her, the more you realise you'll never reach your goal._

_You'll never be Miku._

_You'll always be... Neru._

_And..._

_I don't really like Neru._

_I _vastly_ prefer Miku._

_Who doesn't?_

_Miku has everything; a perfect figure, a beautiful smile, good grades, a kind personality- and her friendship with Len._

_Her friendships with every person she meets._

_And the more I grow to like her..._

_The more jealous I become._

_And that only makes me despise her._

* * *

**a/n: **This chapter was going to have more 'stuff' in it, by means of plot, but Neru's thoughts got in the way.  
These thoughts are more sincere and heartfelt than her previous ones, which were just cynical snark. I guess this is what happens when Len's around- she begins to evaluate herself more, wondering whether she's worthy of him or not.

Next chapter will probably be pretty short, because it'll contain the scene I was going to put in this chapter.  
And then everything will /really/ begin!~  
Kyahahahahahaha!~

**renahhchen xoxoxo**


	11. Eleventh FML: A Stranger's Footsteps

**SOS Onboard the Maid Star**

**Eleventh FML**

'A Stranger's Footsteps'

* * *

Somehow, without any input from Neru at all, the short, blonde 'tsundere' found herself walking home with Rin and Len, a frown scrawled across her face and her hands in her pockets all the while.

She followed the bickering twins like a shadow.

Silent.

Easy to ignore.

Unneeded.

Unnecessary.

It was painful to acknowledge this- but Neru didn't shy away from the truth, even if it hurt. She could deal with a few bruised feelings and a battered ego. She'd cheer herself up by sending spam text messages to Luka and eating all the chocolate chip cookies in the kitchen, and then she'd feel fine- so it didn't matter.

So Neru didn't frown, or sigh wistfully. She didn't let any of her inner emotions show on her face.

Instead, she scowled as she always did (the Neru-brand Mr. Potato Head would only need one set of facial features) and pretended she didn't care. Pretended she wasn't jealous of the way Rin teased Len, and Len responded- wasn't jealous of their laughter- wasn't jealous of the way they walked so closely, side by side, shoulders brushing (at one point Rin even linked their arms and dragged Len along, claiming he was being 'too sloowww!' And even though Len sighed and hit her over the head- a pantomime routine- he still laughed).

Neru hadn't wanted to walk home with Rin and Len. Not after her revelation that Rin and Len were so close that she could never, with her prickly attitude and cruel words, hope to come between them.

However, Neru hadn't much wanted to stay at Miku's house either.

Just as spending more than five seconds in Len's company made Neru feel queasy, light-headed, embarrassed, so too did staying with Miku- though that was for a different reason altogether.

Neru felt... ashamed... of her feelings towards Miku.

How could she dislike somebody so nice?

But she'd never worried about disliking Miku before. It'd been something she just _did_, and never questioned- and Neru thought that would never change. Like the sky being blue or the grass being green, Neru would always dislike Miku; and she didn't really need a reason for it, it just _was_. You couldn't change the direction the Earth rotated- and Neru knew trying to change her feelings, which were so deeply rooted in her mind they were just as much a part of her as her arms or legs or heart would be almost impossible.

Now, though, Neru was beginning to feel guilty.

She didn't really want to hate Miku- and that made her dislike the girl all the more, for being so impossible _to _hate.

Neru wished she was more like Miku. However, Neru was sure this was impossible; nothing but a deluded daydream. You could change your appearance easily enough, if you had the money along with connections to a good plastic surgeon- or, if you were impatient, you could have run into a brick wall repeatedly to rearrange your face- but changing pre-established feelings was more difficult.

Neru didn't want to be alone with Miku.

Miku was... unsafe.

Being with Miku made Neru's heart constrict and her emotions collide. She was filled with jealousy and loathing and warmth and happiness and the knowledge that she had a friend, that she wasn't sure what to feel; they were all playing tug-of-war inside her head, and none could win out because they were all equally as strong. She was sure her body was going to shut down and her brain process would completely stop.

But she didn't want to stay with Rin and Len either.

Miku and Len had insisted, though.

"You shouldn't walk home by yourself in the dark, Akita-san," Len had said, smiling, in that gentlemanly way of his.

"I can take care of myself," Neru had replied.

"I know." Len had laughed. "I've heard horror stories of your martial arts skills from Kaito."

"W-whatever I did, he deserved it," Neru replied hastily, trying to stifle the stammer in her voice.

What did she care if Len had a bad impression of her? Everybody else did- it was nothing new.

In fact, she'd been even more surprised (not to mention disgusted) if he was harbouring some half-baked idea she was a 'perfect girl'- because that wasn't true.

It was nothing to get upset about.

So why was Neru blushing?

_I don't understand my own emotions._

_This isn't very comforting._

"I'm sure he did," Len had replied. "I wouldn't question your judgement, Akita-san. But if you did get into any trouble going home by yourself I'd feel terrible, so why don't you walk with me and Rin- just to keep me happy?"

"Y-you don't... really want me to..." Neru had said softly, looking down at the floor.

He was just being nice.

Rin had smirked at this, laughing like a recording in a haunted house at a carnival. Even Neru found it chilling; it was the audio equivalent of having a pair of cold hands run down your back.

"Kukuku~ Len-Len just has this huu~uuge big brother complex- even though _I'm_ the older twin," Rin had said, flicking her hair back over one shoulder, as though being five minutes Len's senior made her queen of the universe. "You better go along with him, or he'll have a panic attack."

"And who have I got to blame for that?" Len had asked, quirking a brow in such a condescending manner Neru was sure he'd been practising that expression in the mirror. "Last time I left you alone, you nearly blew up the house trying to cook rice."

"Who? Me?" Rin widened her eyes, as though she'd never heard this story before. "Never!~ I knew exactly what I was doing."

"Which was risking your life. Geez." Len rolled his eyes. "And you wonder why I have a complex."

"You should relax more, Len-Len."

"If I relaxed as much as you we'd both be _dead."_

"A-ah, I think you should go with them, Neru-chan," Miku had said, smiling. "I-I don't want to get rid of you..." Which instantly made Neru think she did- although Neru doubted Miku was cruel enough to even _think_ something like that, let alone actually say it. She was probably telling the truth. "But it might be dangerous outside by yourself...?"

And Neru had known, from that meaningful look Miku gave her, what she'd meant.

Stalkers.

Miku had been feeling paranoid for some time- and she didn't want Neru to get hurt.

Neru had been prepared to argue with Rin and Len, but when Miku joined in, Neru found she hadn't the heart to refuse.

Besides, Neru's house was only a few streets away from Rin and Len's- it all made perfect sense. There was no reason why she shouldn't have walked with them (other than her flushed cheeks and erratically-beating heart, that felt it would burst out of her chest if Len so much as glanced in her direction.

But nobody seemed to care about that.

And Neru would rather die- painfully, by having her flesh ripped off by mutant weasels- before she told anybody that).

And so there Neru was. Walking home. She stared resolutely at her shoes, at though they could impart upon her mortal brain the meaning of life, whilst listening to the sound of her footsteps. They were mingled with the noise of Rin and Len's incessant bickering.

Apparently, Rin was cold, and she kept trying to steal Len's coat- but Len wouldn't give it to her, and chastised her like a tired parent: "You should have worn something more sensible than a bikini top and shorts then, stupid."

"Kya! I'm not stupid! I'm fashionable!"

"And your skin will be fashionably blue when we get home."

"T-that's so mean! Horrible, horrible! If you don't give me your coat RIGHT now, Lenners S. Kagamine-" (Neru paused to wonder whe 'S stood for) "-then I will eat all of your bananas, and then you'll get withdrawal symptoms and DIE! Kyahahahaha!~"

Neru scowled.

Didn't Rin come with an on/off button?

_My God- she's just the gift that won't stop giving._

_Or, in this case, the girl who won't stop talking._

Neru concentrated on the sound of her footfalls resolutely, trying to ignore her mounting desire to strangle Rin- or, at the very least, cut out her larynx and bury in the dirt.

The sound of her shoes, going _clack clack clack _on the grey, gum-splattered sidewalk, over and over again, was almost comforting.

_Clack clack clack._

_Clack clack-_

_Clack?_

That…

Hadn't sounded right.

Neru frowned, her nose wrinkling up, as though she'd just smelt raw sewage.

Neru had been focused on the tedious, repeating pattern of her footsteps (factoring in Rin and Len's own footfalls as background noise, of course) for quite some time, so the unexpected break in the already established routine caused her eyes to narrow, her feet to stop, and her head to turn around.

Maybe she was just being paranoid. Miku's talk of 'stalkers' had seeped into her brain, like an injection of foreign fluid into the blood, and she was deluding herself into hearing footsteps belonging to people who weren't really there.

_So either I'm being followed, or I'm going insane._

_Fantastic._

_What a great summary of my life so far._

However, when Neru turned her head…

The street was empty.

There was nobody there.

The spots of sidewalk illuminated by the street lamps revealed nothing more than what Neru would've expected for her neighbourhood; grey concrete, grey buildings, a grey sky.

The whistled a low, almost melancholy tune through the street, picking up bits of trash and rustling through the branches of trees. Neru's side ponytail, so heavy it sometimes weighed her own head down, blew gently in the breeze.

_It was just your imagination._

_There's nobody there._

_Hahaha, yeah. That's what they always tell themselves in horror movies._

_Before they get murdered._

_I hope I'm more genre-savvy than that. I bet I could avoid that fate if I was in a slasher flick, though. The collective intelligence of all the main characters in your typical B-grade horror movie is probably less than __Rin's__- and I bet you couldn't even spread a cracker with the contents of __her__ head._

_I mean, this is the age of __cell phones__ and the __internet__- people shouldn't, as a rule, but stupid enough to get murdered so easily!_

"Akita-san?"

Neru turned at the sound of Len's voice. He sounded worried.

Neru realised, with a start, and a new flush of red to her face, that she'd been spacing out for quite some time. What had she been doing? How long had she been stood there, frozen, in the middle of the street, like a figure from a celluloid photograph?

How long at she been staring at a non-existent stalker…?

(Or, at least, a stalker who was very good at hide and seek).

She'd already made a fool out herself with Miku earlier- and now Len was going to think she was even stranger...

"I-it was nothing," said Neru hurriedly, thankful for the darkness that hid her flushed face. "I just thought I heard something."

"Really? Really, really?" Rin asked eagerly, bouncing up to Neru. "I didn't hear anything at all- not one sound!"

"You were too busy shrieking like a harpy. Of course you didn't," was Neru's flippant reply. "You wouldn't be smart enough to realise somebody was following you even if they jumped up from behind a bush and shouted 'surprise' in your face. Stupid."

"Hehe~" Rin giggled, unmindful of Neru's insults. "Neru's hearing voices! Maybe..." Her eyes widened. "This is the onset of _insanity_."

Neru rolled her eyes and folded her arms.

It was ridiculous, of course- but...

She swore she'd heard something...

"Or maybe somebody's been watching too many horror movies," said Len, putting a hand on Rin's shoulder. "Leave Akita-san alone."

"Kyahaha!~ If any ghosts or monsters or phantom stallll~kers from beyond the graaave come to get us, will you protect us, Len-Len?" Rin asked. "Will you? Will you?"

"If I was a ghost I wouldn't waste my afterlife stalking a brat like you," Neru said.

"Exactly." Len laughed. "I'd want some peace and quiet after I died."

Rin frowned.

Then, in a sudden, lunging motion, she kicked Len in the shin- stuck out her tongue- pulled a face-

And then ran off.

"Try and catch me, Len-Len!~ You better hurry up- the first person to leave is the first one to die! Come and save me!"

"Huh?" Len frowned, massaging his leg. "No way! I'm not chasing after you!"

"Aww! Len-Len! Don't you care about me anymore?~"

"Not after you just kicked me, no!"

Rin and Len continued to argue even when Len finally met up with his runaway sister, who'd been perched on a wall a little walk away from where she'd abandoned Len and Neru.

And, as they traded insults, Neru was sure the mood had... lightened somewhat...

But she couldn't stop those paranoid doubts that were beginning to cloud the corners of her mind, not matter how much she tried to shake them away.

She was sure she could hear a fourth set of footsteps, distinct from their own.

...Somebody had been following them.

She was sure of it.

* * *

**a/n: **Stuff will actually happen now.  
Don't you like stuff? Stuff is fun XD

~**renahhchen xoxo**


	12. Twelth FML: Gumi's Idea

**SOS Onboard the Maid Star**

**Twelth FML**

'Gumi's Idea'

* * *

"Hey, Neru. Neru?"

"What?"

"Neru-chaaan~"

"I'm listening! What?" Neru snapped at Gumi.

Neru's green-haired 'friend' (to use the term very, _very_ loosely) was waving her hand in front of Neru's face, as though she were having some kind of seizure contained to only one part of her body.

...Was such a thing even possible?

"I'm trying to get your attention," said Gumi.

"Well, you've got it. What do you want?"

"...Hehe~"

And, with a small laugh, Gumi ceased her wild arm movements- which Neru should have been thankful for. She was beginning to go cross-eyed, watching Gumi's hand flap back and forth like the beating wings of a hummingbird. However, instead of placing her hand back on the table like a _normal person_, Gumi instead decided to reach forward and do the thing that Neru hated most (and that was quite a feat, considering the list of things Neru hated was so long).

Gumi began to tug on the blonde tuft of hair that stuck up from Neru's scalp.

"H-hey..." Neru narrowed her eyes. "Stop it."

Gumi didn't.

Neru hated that tuft of hair with a passion. What she did to it every morning, in her attempts to flatten it down and make it _behave, __damnit_, was nothing short of raging war. However, no matter how many times she attacked it, be it with shampoo and conditioner and hair straighteners and hairclips (once, in a fit of desperation, she even took a pair of scissors to it), that damn bit of hair _refused_ to obey her wishes. She swore after she cut it off it grew back the next day, bigger and stronger than before. Like the Hydra from Greek myths, it couldn't be defeated- and any attempts to run it through would surely meet with disaster.

And, thus, Neru's desire to eradicate the stupid piece of hair grew bigger and bigger.

Neru always liked a challenge.

However, she had a feeling the challenge offered to her by that tuft of hair was one she was going to lose.

Thankfully, not many commented on her crazy hair- and nobody would have _dreamed _of touching it. The general populace weren't brave enough to risk encountering Neru's Wrath.

Gumi, however, was a special case.

The green-haired girl was enraptured with that tuft of hair, and would tug on it whenever she a) felt bored, or b) had a death wish.

And playing around with Neru's hair was a sure-fire way to get yourself decapitated. Like insulting Neru's chest (or lack of thereof), messing up her ahoge always pressed some kind of 'berserk button' in her mind, and instilled upon her the urge to kill all human beings within a fifty mile radius.

Sadly for Gumi, at that moment the classroom was nearly empty, and she was the closest.

But Neru would give her one more chance...

"Gumi, get off, or I'll MURDER YOU. And your family. And your pet dog!"

"Mmnnope~ Don't wanna!~"

Well.

She was just _asking _for it now.

With a look on her face that could have soured milk, Neru leant forwards and took hold of Gumi's goggles.

(Strangely enough, the teachers let Gumi wear those goggles in class, even though they argued with Rin on an almost daily basis about the ((im))practicalities of her huge hair ribbon. Apparently, the people sat behind her couldn't see the board because of that monstrous _thing_- which was fair, Neru supposed, but why were they so lenient on Gumi? Goggles were hardly part of the mandatory school uniform.

Then again, the teachers liked Gumi more than Rin. Gumi was quiet, polite and intelligent. She always paid attention in class, volunteered for extra-curricular activities, helped out in the sports clubs when certain members were too sick to play in matches against rival schools, offered creative ideas for the culture festival when nobody else bothered, and even helped clean the classroom every single day after school. Gumi was, in all respects, a model student. So what if she wore goggles all the time? She was pushing the class' grade point average up, so that was fine!

In comparison, Rin was about as helpful as a bad case of mumps.

Could you say 'favouritism'?

Neru certainly could).

Neru pulled at Gumi's stupid goggles, stretching them as far as the elasticised band would allow- and then she let go.

There was a satisfying 'ping!' noise as they snapped back against Gumi's face. And an even more satisfying squeak of pain.

"Ow!" Gumi winced, pressing her fingers gingerly against the sore spot on her forehead. "That was mean, Neru!"

"I know," said Neru flatly, trying to pat down her ahoge. Of course, it didn't work- and, of course, that only made her more irritable. "You've been my friend for, what, two years? You should know I'm mean by now."

"Humph." Gumi frowned and stuck out her tongue. "Is this the thanks I get for being worried about you?"

"You worry about everyone."

It was true. Gumi may have acted loud and brash on the outside, but Neru knew that was not the case. Gumi was so sensitive she couldn't watch the news without getting depressed; any mention of theft or manslaughter or murder left her feeling sick to the stomach (as it should have done with every decent, law-abiding person- but you had to draw a line somewhere).

Gumi's mother hen attitude was probably the reason why she was friends with Neru in the first place. Gumi had seen the sullen, sulky blonde sat by herself on the first day of school, refusing to talk to anyone- not because Neru was shy, or scared, but because she'd been preoccupied texting abuse on an internet chat forum to some American guy with the screen name 'Big Al'- and Gumi had thought 'I need to help this innocent girl!'

But Neru wasn't 'innocent'.

And Neru hadn't wanted her help.

In fact, Neru very distinctly remembered that she told Gumi to go away before she broke her nose.

However, Gumi had not gone away (obviously), and here she was now- the same caring (overly so) Nakajima Megumi who ran for class presidency every year because nobody else would, sat with Neru and ate lunch with her because nobody else would, and bugged Neru senselessly because nobody else would have _dared_.

At least there were some perks being Gumi's friend.

For one thing, Gumi was a good cook (did she really have to make her bento box carrot-themed every day, though?) and Neru could always steal titbits of food when she wasn't looking.

For another, Neru found it ridiculously easy to coerce Gumi into doing her homework. Although Gumi would tut and sigh and shake her head, and spout classic lines such as 'you need to do it yourself to become a fully functioning member of society', she always caved in the end.

She was just too nice.

Then again, Neru was pretty much a bitch full time, so they balanced each other out.

"Yeah, well~" Gumi laughed, not trying to deny her over-protective nature. "Maaa~ybe. But I worry about you more, Tufty. You're my friend. Even if you don't wanna be. Hahahahaha~"

"...Tufty?"

"This."

And Gumi flicked Neru's ahoge.

Neru narrowed her eyes, slapping Gumi's hand away. Self-consciously, she tried to pat the stupid bit of stupid hair down again, and again- and again. But, no matter how much pressure she exerted on it (she was sure her fist was going to smash straight through her skull if she kept doing that) it would always, once she took her hands away, bounce back up, unscathed, as though it were a level 99 monster in a Final Fantasy game, resistant to physical attacks and all elements.

Neru glowered.

Her hair must have had an invincible god mode cheat operating… How much levelling up would be needed to finally kill it?

_Great. Now I sound like a nerd._

"Okay," Neru said, stabbing a finger in Gumi's direction. "Number one- don't call me Tufty. EVER. Number two- stop being such a moron (although, for you, that might be asking for the impossible. So at least stop talking so much, before I staple your lips together). And number three- what are you bugging me about now?"

"I'm not bugging you, Tufty-"

Neru hissed.

However, Gumi cheerfully ignored her.

"-I was just expressing a concern for my friend. You've been acting kind of weird all morning..." Gumi smiled mischievously. When she did that, she looked a little bit like a pixie- one of those disagreeable ones from old fairytales that stole babies. "Weirder than usual, I mean."

"I wasn't acting weird," said Neru defiantly, folding her arms.

"You were," Gumi insisted. "You were being kind of... spacey. It looked like you were going to fall asleep."

"I don't know if you've noticed, Megumi-"

"Ooh? Full name, huh?" asked Megumi-but-please-call-me-Gumi, laughing. "This must be serious."

"I'm always serious. And, c'mon- we had maths this morning. Nobody pays attention in maths."

"_I_ do."

"You would be the one exception."

"Huh. I think you're over-exaggerating..."

"No. _You're _just being overly optimistic when it comes to the academic goals of your peers," said Neru, rolling her eyes.

"You're using a lot of big words there."

"I like to sound smarter than people when I'm giving a lecture. It makes it harder to talk back," Neru explained. "And, haha- like hell any of the people in maths were paying attention. _You're_ the only one who actually _cares. _That why you're always so busy, Miss Class President- you try too hard."

"There's nothing wrong with trying!"

"Yeah, but you'll _always_ suck at maths," said Neru, flicking her friend in the forehead. "Always, always. Never going to change- unless you get a brain transplant with a rocket scientist. So just give up the dream, and accept you'll never succeed, no matter how hard you try."

It was true, too. Maths was the only subject Gumi was bad at; her Achilles heel when it came to academics, as it were. It was the limitation that stopped her from being a perfect student.

She had to settle for being a 'better than average' student instead- which was still fairly impressive, compared to some of the absolute idiots who were in their school (the name 'Kagamine Rin' rang a bell. Neru refused to believe she'd passed the entrance exams with her own knowledge- she must have bribed the examiners. It was the only explanation that made sense).

"It's not fairrr," Gumi whined, throwing her hands in the air in a despairing motion. It looked like she was bemoaning her misery to the heavens- not that the heavens replied. "You never pay attention in maths, Neru-chan, and yet you're better at it than me! How is that fair? You don't even take notes!"

"I guess it's my natural talent." Neru smirked. "Jealous?"

"Nope. Not in the slightest." Gumi laughed, shaking her head. "If being a genius at maths meant I'd have to sacrifice my sunny personality and become a kill-joy, sarcastic, social deadweight like you, I'd pass. Sorry, Tufty."

Neru grit her teeth together, clenching her fingers into fists. She opened her mouth, ready to return the insult, when-

"Anyway!~"

Gumi snapped open her bento box, picked up a piece of boiled egg with her chopsticks, and popped it into Neru's mouth.

"Neru-chan," Gumi continued, as her blonde friend scolded malevolently, despite the big of boiled egg (it truly was a sight to behold). "You weren't_ just_ spacing out... It looked like you hadn't had enough sleep, and you were so pale... I thought you might be getting sick, but you're your usual, horrible self right now."

"I'm not sick," said Neru, once she'd swallowed the gag Gumi had placed in her mouth to shut her up. "If I was, I wouldn't be at school. Like I _wouldn't_ use any excuse possible to get out of class."

"I thought so," said Gumi, smiling. "But you shouldn't overwork yourself, or stress yourself out too much. Right?~"

"I'm not stressed..."

Neru frowned.

Gumi had been right about one thing, even though she didn't want to admit it.

Neru _was_ tired.

Neru hadn't been able to sleep at all last night. She'd known it was foolish- childish, even- but every time she closed her eyes and tried to settle herself comfortably in her futon, she'd felt a stranger's gaze boring into her back...

Now Neru was sat at school, in her uniform, talking to Gumi, she felt stupid. It was easy to work yourself up into a state of hysteria over absolutely nothing when darkness fell- but, in the morning, you always saw how ridiculous your paranoid imaginings had been.

Maybe there hadn't been any stalker at all.

Miku had told Neru about the stalkers, and then Neru had become flustered walking with Len, and she'd heard sounds that weren't really there. That was it.

There was no way the 'stalker' (if they even existed) had broken into her room to watch her sleep- no way at all.

That kind of thing only happened in horror movies.

Neru _had_ thought about telling Miku, but she quickly dismissed the idea. She knew Miku would panic- probably more than Neru was doing herself- and Neru didn't want to startle Miku... even if it _would _be funny.

Besides, Neru hadn't had a chance to be alone with the twin-tailed girl. Neru had seen her as she walked to school that morning, but Miku had been surrounded by her usual gaggle of friends- Kaito, Luka, Rin and Len. Miku had waved to Neru, and it had looked like she was trying to go and see her- but then Rin started trying to trip up Kaito, and Miku had to turn to sort out their argument (not that Kaito had been arguing back at Rin- he wouldn't have dared- so it was pretty one-sided).

And... Neru was feeling quite strangely about Miku.

She wasn't sure why, but whenever her roving eyes had caught sight of Miku in class, she'd felt her heartbeat speed up, and her face felt very flushed. The reaction had been even more violent when Miku returned Neru's stares with small smiles of acknowledgement- to the point where Neru just stopped turning around and stared, red-faced, at her fingers coiled up on her lap.

It didn't help that Miku sat next to Len, either.

"-and I was also thinking, if you're not tired, maybe you're stressed about boy trouble? How's it going with Len?"

"Huh?"

At the sound of the name 'Len', Neru snapped out of her trance.

"I was saying," Gumi reiterated, stabbing her chopstick in the air for dramatic effect, "-how's it going with Le- mpphh!"

Gumi never managed to finish her sentence.

Mainly because Neru slapped a hand against her mouth.

"D-don't say something like that so loudly," Neru hissed, scandalised. Her face was red and her eyes were wide- and the intensity of her reaction made Neru want to slap herself. "Idiot."

Neru wasn't sure whether she was talking to herself or Gumi, but she decided the insult was equally applicable to both of them.

Then Neru pulled at the elastic of Gumi's goggles and let them snap back against the girl's forehead for the second time (Gumi made a small noise of pain).

"Ahaha..." Gumi laughed sheepishly, rubbing the back of her head. "Sorry, sorry!"

"Geez." Neru sighed, her head falling against the table-top with a 'thwump!' Gumi's solitary bento box (Neru had forgotten to pack her own lunch, and she didn't have enough money to buy anything from the store) jumped in alarm. "I'm sooo sick of this."

"Aww... there, there," said Gumi comfortingly, patting Neru on the head. "More egg?"

"No thanks."

"Well~ I'm sure it'll all work out in the end."

"You are waayyy too optimistic," said Neru, rolling her eyes. Honestly- she rolled her eyes with such alarming regularity it was a wonder they hadn't dropped out of her skull. "Your happiness burns. It burrnss."

"You could try being optimistic from time to time too, yanno. It won't kill you."

"But it _will _instil in my cold, withered, loveless being feelings of false hope, that will inevitably be crushed by the workings of fate," said Neru dully. "The meaning of life is to be miserable."

"That's not true!"

"Look at Luka," said Neru scornfully. "Look at her boobs. Then tell me life is fair."

"Why are you so fixated with your chest?" Gumi asked doubtfully. "I think you have a complex..."

Gumi was still, Neru noted, patting her on the head, as though she were a cat. It was incredibly annoying- but, at the same time, it was almost soothing, and Neru didn't have enough energy to throw her off. It seemed pointless. Neru felt like a plant that had been kept in a dark room for a year- limp and withered and unable to summon enough energy to even lift her head.

Stupid stalkers...

Stupid Miku...

Or, more like, stupid, stupid Neru and her stupid, stupid paranoia.

All of it had come together to royally fuck up Neru's sleeping plan (she swore she'd only got twenty minutes of rest last night), and the worst thing was she couldn't even summon up enough energy to be pissed off about it.

"It's easy for you to say," Neru mumbled at the desk. "You're not _flat_."

"People don't measure you by your bra size, you know..."

"You try telling that to the fashion magazines, then."

"I don't even know why you read those things. They only upset you."

"Who knows? Maybe I'm a glutton for punishment."

_You'd have to be, to willingly go on 4-chan as much as I do…_

_God, I have no life._

"If that's true, then you wouldn't mind embarrassing yourself a little, ri~ight?" Gumi asked.

Her question sounded unimportant- almost throwaway. A simple comment made by a normal high school girl who was discussing topics of no real importance with her friend. Neru, however, knew Gumi better than most others (which was saying something, considering Gumi was pretty popular), and caught some rather disturbing connotations in those words. It was enough to make her sit up, anyway.

Gumi was smiling.

Neru didn't like that smile.

"No," said Neru flatly.

Gumi pouted. "You don't even know what I was gonna say!"

"I'm sure I wouldn't like it, whatever it was. The day you say something worthwhile will be the day an asteroid hits the earth."

"You don't like _anything_, Tufty."

"D-don't call me that, or I'll crush your oesophagus!"

"Yeah, yeah. You always say that."

"We have a pretty unhealthy relationship, don't we?" Neru's voice was deadpan.

"I believe any relationship ANYBODY could have with you would be 'unhealthy', Tufty. But whatever- listen, listen! I had a brain-wave!" And Gumi winked conspiratorially (Neru groaned. Did that weird girl who somehow happened to be her friend ((she still didn't know how. Urgh. She let her guard down for a split second and- bang! All of a sudden, she was landed with a weird 'friend' she couldn't shake of)) think she was in a detective novel?), pressed a finger against her lips in a 'shhh' motion, and beckoned Neru closer.

Neru obliged, dubiously.

"Why don't you..." Gumi paused theatrically, leaving Neru with the urge to hit her.

Well, why not turn an urge into reality?

"Hurry up, idiot," Neru snapped, taking Gumi's goggles for the third time-

"Hey, get off!" Gumi cried, her fingers going to her beloved goggles, holding onto them protectively.

"It's your own fault for wearing something so stupid to school."

Gumi's eyes widened. Her voice was actually trembling when she said, sadly, "b-but they're the only keepsake from my dead mother…"

Neru remained unmoved. She was about as caring as a rock- and her apathy only increased when she was experiencing acute cell phone and sleep withdrawal symptoms.

"Your mother isn't dead."

"Well, you shouldn't say cruel things about me so casually," said Gumi, pouting. She began to play around with Neru's ahoge some more- but the look Neru gave her soon made her retract her wandering fingers. "Geez! I could have deep, dark, hidden depths yanno, Tufty."

Neru's left eye twitched.

"Megumi, you're about as deep as a puddle. Now hurry up. And stop calling me 'Tufty'."

"Well~" The spark of mischief rekindled in Gumi's eyes. With a face like that, Neru was sure the following words that would come out of her lips would be incredibly stupid- so stupid, in fact, that Neru would have to (regrettably?) bash Gumi's head against the table until her eyes bled, because that was the only way Gumi would understand how useless and insignificant she was.

_It's a little sad I'm perfectly willing to do that._

_Especially as she hasn't even started talking yet._

_It's just a matter of time, though._

"I think..." Gumi paused again- but the dark look Neru shot her was enough to keep her talking. "I think you should write Len a love letter!~"

* * *

**a/n: **Gumiii :3 This fic needs more Gumi XD  
Actually, it really needs more Miku atm, but I'm getting to her later :3  
You should stick around XDD

**renahhchen xoxo**


	13. Thirteenth FML: Neru's Realisation

**SOS Onboard the Maid Star**

**Thirteenth FML**

'Neru's Realisation'

* * *

Gumi's idea was stupid, of course. There was no doubt about it.

Hell, almost everything about that girl was stupid, from her weird green hair to those ridiculous goggles that did absolutely nothing. (What- did Gumi think she was some kind of superhero or something? Was she trying to spice up her 'character design' so she'd look more dynamic? How idiotic; those goggles would never compensate for her average face).

If Neru began taking the advice of stupid people that would -in effect- make _her_ stupid, too.

And if Neru was stupid she wouldn't have been able to live with herself.

Writing a love letter to Len was a very, very bad idea. For one thing, Len was rather popular with the girls (and a handful of the guys, too). When Valentine's Day came around his shoe locker was always full-to-bursting with homemade chocolates and cards- and so, too, was the trash can near his locker. It was common practise for the more rabid Kagamine Len fan girls to throw the chocolate offerings of the other girls into the trash so their chocolate would be the first he saw.

Not even Neru, in her infinite cruelty, would do something so underhanded to another girls homemade chocolate.

It was disturbing.

Almost like something from a shojou manga.

Neru had never made chocolate for Len- mainly because she knew it would be a fruitless task (girls who seemed rather friendly and normal on first inspection, like Sukone Tei and Yowa Shion, turned into murderous monsters when in sight of Kagamine Len). But, also, Neru didn't want to pour her heart into something, only for Len to throw it away. She knew, if she offered chocolate (and if she had it would've be homemade kind, because Neru couldn't cook- and even if she could cook she wouldn't have, because that was too personal, and it would have hurt all the more if ((when)) Len threw it away), it would surely be overshadowed by the chocolate made by the other girls.

It wouldn't be 'special'.

And Neru didn't really want to involve herself in that sickening, obsessive, clamouring crowd of admirers- because Neru knew she was above all that. They were all idiots. She was the only smart one. She didn't bother giving Len her love, because she knew he was so swamped by it already he wouldn't be able to return it.

He probably wouldn't even notice it.

And, like he did with all Valentine's Day chocolates that weren't made for him by his real female friends, he'd just let Rin eat them.

All that love and all those feelings from all those girls just went running down the drain (or, to be more precise, into Rin's mouth).

Neru wondered if girls who kept pestering Len knew this.

Or maybe they did, and that just spurred them on to try even harder- because, at some point, somebody had to get his attention, right?

If they knew how close Len was with Rin, though, maybe they'd reconsider. Because Neru didn't think anything- not even divine judgement, or a meteor shower- could come between that pair.

Neru didn't stand a chance.

Writing heartfelt words on a tacky card and putting them in Len's shoe locker (like so many other girls had done in the past) wouldn't change that.

It wouldn't even come close to changing that.

So... trying to catch Len's attention was useless...

Wasn't it...?

_But it's not like you to give up so easily._

_Do you even like him at all? If you did, you'd at least __try_.

But Neru knew if she _did _try, and he rebuffed her feelings, it'd hurt. It'd be more painful that a slap across the face- and it would be embarrassing, too, even if Neru tried to pretend it wasn't.

People would hear of her failed confession (because, somehow, the whole school _always _knew what persons x, y and z had done about five minutes after it happened) and then they'd laugh at her.

Big, tough Neru- the girl who could sent teachers running with just an arched brow and a narrow-eyed glance- had a soft, squishy centre, too. Just like a caramel chocolate, behind the hard shell there was something warm and gooey inside.

She was in love with Kagamine Len.

And he'd thrown her love back in her face.

Wasn't that funny?

...Everybody would laugh.

Surely they'd think it was hi~la~ri~ous if Akita Neru was rejected.

And, if they did laugh, Neru knew she would've deserved it. After all, she was cruel to everybody else. She frequently mocked Gakupo for his failed attempts at charming Luka (or, as he called it, 'winning the fair maiden's heart), and she spammed everybody's inboxes with taunting text messages whenever the mood hit her.

It would be like karmic retribution.

Neru was mean to everybody else- and, if given the chance, they'd definitely return the favour.

_So you're not going to confess because you're scared what other people think?_

_That's pathetic and you know it._

_I thought you were meant to be stronger than that!_

For some reason, the voice running through Neru's head sounded an awful lot like Gumi's.

Neru winced.

Her excuses sounded flimsy now, even to herself.

Why did she need to make excuses anyway? That was a stupid thing to do- and Neru hated stupidity above all else, and wanted nothing more than to purge it from the world (starting with Kagamine Rin, of course, who- with her oversized hair ribbon- was the poster child for all things idiotic).

Neru was trying to run away from her own feelings- but she knew they'd catch her up in the end, and drag her down.

Maybe it would be best if she did write that letter...

_...But I'm scared._

Scared? What was there to be scared about?

_I don't want Len to reject me._

Stop being so negative about it- it'll get you nowhere, and it's just painful listening to these thoughts. I always assumed you were stronger than that, Akita Neru- so take some initiative, and do something yourself for once!

You can't hide behind an anonymous screen name forever, sending abuse to people.

The real world isn't like the internet.

The real world is-

"-Neru!~ Earth to Neru-chan!~ Are you here?"

_The real world is all around you, moron._

_And it doesn't slow down just because you want to have an argument with your own head for an hour._

Neru turned around, arms folded, to see the smiling face of Hatsune Miku dominating her field of vision. Miku was attired in her usual maid's gear- headband, frilly socks, apron and too-short skirt- and she was holding an empty tray.

Neru then became of a dull pain in the back of her head.

Had Miku... hit her with that tray?

It was almost impossible to believe such violence from Miku- especially when she was smiling with enough intensity to melt snow- but Neru had her suspicions. Miku would be the perfect murderer in any detective novel; she was so cute and innocent, nobody would ever suspect her, and they'd feel guilty for trying.

"You hit me." It wasn't a question- it was a statement.

Miku laughed sheepishly.

"Ahaha... Yeah. Well. You were kinda spacing out there. And we have work to do, right?"

"Huh...?"

Neru frowned, one hand going to her head, the other hanging at her side. She looked about her surroundings. Tables, chairs, maids, lecherous-looking guys that Neru would rather punch in the face than serve food to with a shy smile and a curtsey...

Yep, she was definitely at work.

_Oh deep, never ending joy._

_My new cell phone better be worth it._

"I hate this place," Neru muttered.

"It's not that bad," said Miku, placing a hand on Neru's shoulder. She offered the blonde a small smile. "You'll get used to it."

"You just like it 'cause everybody compliments you and says you're 'oh so pretty'," said Neru, her fingers forming little quotey marks around the last part of the sentence.

"T-that's not true!"

"Yeah it is."

"I-I'm not that shallow!" Miku argued, pouting. "Why do you have such a horrible opinion of me, Neru-chan? I'm your friend~"

"You're certainly _annoying_."

"Hnghh." Miku made a strange noise and folded her arms. "That's so mean."

"Hey, can I get a maid over here? Like, now?" A commanding voice cut through Miku and Neru's argument, accompanied by the sound of somebody clicking their fingers.

Neru turned her head, her eyes narrowed.

What, did that guy think maids ran like robots? You clicked your fingers and they'd do anything for you?

She rolled her eyes.

"U-um, I-I'm sorry, sir!" Miku apologised, bowing her head at the irate customer. A faint blush had spread across her cheeks. However, Neru wasn't sure how much of that was genuine. Was Miku faking her embarrassment so the guy wouldn't get angry with her?

Neru didn't have a snowball's chance in hell of winning somebody over like that. She couldn't play at being the cute, sweet, innocent, clumsy maid- it wasn't in her repertoire.

Neru did 'psycho slasher killer' far, far better.

Miku had an unfair advantage over her.

"Miku, weren't you taking that back to the kitchen?" Neru asked, jabbing her finger at the empty tray.

"A-aha..." Miku laughed nervously. "Y-yeah, so...?"

"So you go and do that, and I'll deal with this guy."

"Um..." Miku's face fell. She sounded scared when she asked, sheepishly, "...'deal with'? What do you mean by that?"

Neru smirked.

"I won't hurt him."

"Oh right... Good..."

"_That _much."

Neru stalked forwards purposely, hands reaching for the notepad and pen in her pocket, as she stood over the guy who'd been calling for her.

When the guy (he seemed fairly well-do-to, what with his business suit and the expensive cell phone in his hand. Neru would've willingly strangled her own little cousin, Nero, with his intestines to own a cell phone like that) saw the short, skinny shadow of Akita Neru fall onto his table, he looked up, face hopeful...

And then his hopes were dashed in a second when he saw Neru's sour, sulky face.

"I was hoping it'd be your friend," the man said ungraciously, folding his arms. "She was prettier than you. But I guess you could at least call me 'Master'."

Neru's left eye twitched.

It was amazing, really, how those men could say such horrible things so casually.

Neru thought only she had the privilege of doing that.

"I'm sorry, but we have to save the prettiest maids for the most important clients," said Neru smoothly. "Miku is very busy, and we decided you weren't… ah… significant enough to distract her from her busy busy schedule. I hope you understand, _Master._"

"Tch." The man glowered, gritting his teeth together. "You know, the 'tsundere' style is pretty old. You better make up for it being _especially _'deredere' when you come back with my coffee."

"Oh, don't worry," said Neru sweetly. "I hate the 'tsundere' style too. I mean, if I hate somebody, I'm not going to be nice to them at the end, right? It's such a contradiction~ Oh no…"

Neru smirked.

"I intend to stay like throughout the duration of your stay, _Master_. Kukuku~"

To Neru's delight, the man looked terrified.

* * *

Needless to say, when the man finally left, Neru did not switch over to a cuter, softer, more 'caramel' side to compliment her hard, dark chocolate exterior.

Instead, she tripped him up on the way out, and discreetly kicked him in the shin.

She felt a lot better after doing that.

'Deredere' side be damned.

* * *

"I hope I never get on the wrong side of your temper," said Miku conversationally, as the pair of girls walked home. "It was kind of scary. You looked like you were really going to kill him."

"Huh?" Neru feigned surprise, her eyes widening in diameter by a few inches. "What're you talking about? It was an accident, right? Teto and Miki said it was when Nana asked."

"Only because that guy has harassed them before, too. They were probably glad to see him leave."

"Then I guess it's a good thing he fell over and got all embarrassed. I doubt he'll go back."

"I doubt that, too." Miku giggled. "But really, you can't keep scaring all Nana-chan's customers away. It's kinda counter-productive for her business."

"She should've thought about that before she based her 'business' around a bunch of middle-aged, balding, perverted businessmen," said Neru sourly. "Although, that's a pretty good way of clearing all the filth out of the world... You lure them into buildings with pretty girls in inappropriate clothes, and then..." Neru smirk grew wider, until it nearly split across her head. "You kill them… All of them…"

"E-eh?" Miku's eyes widened. She held her hands up, shaking them, as though trying to wave aside Neru's homicidal tendencies. "No! Nonono_**no**_! Don't do that, Neru-chan! Don't even think that!"

"But the world would be so much better after a mass-eradication program!" said Neru, her voice adapting a dream-like quality as her mind began to scroll through images of her idyllic world. "The streets would be clean again..."

"Kyah!" Miku squealed, clapping her long fingers- the nails of which were painted turquoise, to match her hair and maid's dress- over Neru's mouth. "T-that's no more from you! You're saying some dangerous stuff!"

"M-mph..." Neru made a small noise of irritation, muffled by Miku's palm, as she tried to throw the other girl off her. "I-I was only joking! I-it was a joke!"

Miku drew her hands away- but she continued to give Neru worried looks.

"But when you say things like that it never sounds like you're 'just joking'... It's a little scary. I don't want my friend to turn into a mass murderer."

"It'd all be for the greater good," said Neru persistently, folding her arms. "I can't stand guys like that. Did you see the way he was looking at you, Miku? If I didn't need to keep that job, I would've poked his eyes out with a fork."

"Did it have to be a fork?"

"Well..." Neru shrugged. Then, she grinned. "Not really. Any piece of cutlery would've done."

"Still~" Though Miku was frowning, her face had lightened considerably at Neru's words. She began to coil strands of hair round her finger, twisting them round and round and round, until it looked like she was going to cut the circulation off to that poor, abused finger. "You'd stab somebody in the eye for me...? How romantic! Hehehe!~"

Neru felt her face flush, ever so slightly.

"D-don't get me wrong. I-it's not just for you."

"Hehehe~" But that denial didn't stop Miku from giggling. "That's so sweet."

And, because Neru couldn't think of anything else to say;

"...Idiot."

"Yep. That's me," said Miku cheerfully, striking a pose.

Neru rolled her eyes, but didn't comment.

A small lull fell in the conversation (which had, up until that point, merely been Neru insulting Miku and Miku shaking the comments aside with a good-natured smile).

"What were you thinking of oh-so-seriously back there, anyway?" Miku asked.

The question was innocent.

Harmless.

But, at once, Neru felt her blood turn cold.

She'd forgotten about that love letter- or, more like, she'd been _trying _to forget about it, because she didn't want to think about it, because it made her head hurt, and her chest ache, and she didn't how to deal with it, and (even though she denied this furiously) she was scared.

She was... scared... that Len would reject her.

Which he surely would.

Miku hadn't meant to pick at that wound, but she had. It'd only just healed, and then Miku had gone and raked her fingernails across it- tearing the scab away- and Neru could feel the blood oozing from in a deluge of red...

She shuddered.

"O-oh, um..." Miku seemed to notice Neru's distress (then again, Miku noticed everything. She was the most thoughtful person Neru knew- to the point where it was almost irritating. But nobody could be irritated with Hatsune Miku for too long). "I-I'm sorry if I hit a nerve...?" Miku held her hands up jokingly, as though trying to protect herself. "D-don't hit me? Hehehe..."

Neru frowned.

Then, she shook her head. Her blonde pigtail bounced softly.

"It's okay. It's nothing," Neru lied.

"Oh, sure. Nothing." And Miku nodded- but it was obvious, from the look on her face, she wasn't convinced.

Neru watched out of the corners of her eyes, as Miku began to uncoil her hair from her finger- then, as though changing her mind, wrapped it back up again, and again, and again.

"Your finger will drop off if you keep doing that, you moron," said Neru.

"Huh...?" Miku looked at her finger. It had turned grey. "Ah... ahahaha... Y-yeah, that's pretty dumb... I do stupid things without thinking."

"You do stupid things even when you do think."

"I know."

More silence.

Neru was beginning to get uncomfortable.

Being with Miku shouldn't have been so awkward. Before Miku had brought up the love letter (which Neru definitely wasn't going to write- so why was she still thinking about it? Banish the thought!) the atmosphere between the pair had been, for want of a better word, 'nice'.

Almost relaxing.

But now, it felt strained.

Miku was biting her lower lip. Though her fingers were released from her ropes of green hair, they'd now begun to fiddle with the hem of her skirt. Her slight movements jostled Neru's arm, and snagged in Neru's peripheral vision, like getting your hair caught in a tree branch.

Neru found she couldn't look away.

She couldn't stop looking at Miku.

The knowledge that she was staring only made her blush more pronounced.

"H-hey, idiot," said Neru sharply, speaking with more venom than usual to compensate for the vague, fluttering feeling in her chest. "W-whatever you want to say, just say it, okay?"

"A-ah..." Miku looked up, eyes wide. "I-I'm not doing anything!"

Her fingers were still toying with her skirt hem. If she kept doing that, she'd end up giving Neru an eyeful of her panties- and that knowledge was enough to make Neru's face go deep crimson.

Neru reached forwards, roughly taking hold of Miku's hands.

"If you're not 'doing anything', then why're you trying to get yourself arrested for indecent exposure?"

Neru spoke coldly, but she could her heartbeat pounding her ears...

She was beginning to feel light-headed.

"I-I wasn't!" Miku protested. "Really... I-I didn't realise I was doing anything..."

"You're acting weird," said Neru, trying to force more poison into her voice. "It's making me feel paranoid. What's wrong?"

"N-nothing really..."

And, by 'nothing really', Miku obviously meant 'something. And quite a big something'.

Neru sighed.

"It's not about that 'stalker' thing again, is it?" Neru asked.

Miku shook her head.

"Then what is it?"

"Just..." Miku frowned. "I-I... I wanted to apologise... for anything weird Hagane might have said yesterday..."

Neru blinked at her.

Was _that_ it?

Was _that_ really worth cutting off the circulation in her fingers with her hair, or biting her lip to the point where it nearly bled, or fiddling with her skirt so much she nearly tore the hem clean off with her teal-painted fingernails?

Neru decided that she really didn't understand Miku.

Maybe Miku was just the type who made a fuss about nothing. She was the kind of girl who believed the failings of others were her own fault, and she had to apologise on behalf of everybody else.

Well... Neru didn't really care.

It wasn't Miku's fault some people in the world were idiots.

"I mean, she said some pretty rude things to you. A-and I would never say that... R-really!" Miku said, eyes wide.

Neru stared at Miku.

Then, she sighed.

"I already know that."

"Y-you do?"

"Yeah." Neru spoke with absolute certainty. "I know you're a good person. It's not your problem if your cousin has the manners of a caveman."

"O-oh..." Miku smiled. Just barely. "Good. I was worried... just a little... that you might be angry with me."

"I'd never be angry with you."

...Once she'd said it, Neru instantly regretted it.

She didn't even know _why _she said that. It was such an unbelievably corny line it made her want to throw up.

But it had escaped from her lips without her thinking about it- and, Neru was forced to conclude, it was... entirely true...

Miku's eyes lit up, like fireworks. Her expression was so bright it almost burnt Neru's eyes. Her heart began fluttering again.

"Y-you mean it?"

"...Well, kinda..." Neru tried to backpedal- to repeal her previous statement- but she knew it was no use. "I mean.. Well... It's difficult being angry with you. It'd just make me feel bad. Like if I kicked a puppy."

"Eh? Hehe..." Miku giggled softly, her cheeks flushed slightly. "Is that so..."

"I-I guess it is..."

But, really, Neru didn't understand what Miku was getting so excited about.

She wasn't nice to Miku because she liked her. She was nice to Miku out of necessity, because how could Neru be angry with somebody who'd always been so friendly to her? She'd feel terrible.

That was it.

That was the only reason...

At that moment, however, Neru realised two things.

Perhaps two very important things.

One: when she was in Miku's company, she completely forgot Len. For those few moments when they were together, Miku suddenly became the most important person in the world...

And two: Miku's home was still in the other direction.

...Why had she walked her back?

* * *

**a/n: **In the next chapter, stuff happens. I'm being deadly srs. So don't go away.  
I'm sure this fic will only have, liek, 20 chapters XD So it's more than half-way done, I guess.  
Yay? :D

**renahhchen xoxo**


	14. Fourteenth FML: Teto's Warning

**SOS Onboard the Maid Star**

**Fourteenth FML**

'Teto's Warning'

* * *

Neru yawned, one hand going up instinctively to cover her mouth. It was a useless gesture, though; a rare display of manners from Akita Neru, being wasted on her empty bedroom. There was nobody there to appreciate it.

Whatever. Neru was glad nobody was there to appreciate it, because she'd only just stepped out of the shower. Her hair was wet, damp blonde strands stuck to her cheeks, dripping water down her skin in slow, lazy rivulets. Her hair was so long and thick it always took hours to dry, and Neru never bothered with a hair dryer because she had to hold it for so long it always gave her arms cramp. Instead, she just let her hair dry naturally, droplets scattering to the floor in a steady drip drip drip, until pools of water began to form on her carpet. That was a pain, yes, but Neru loved her hair; it was her pride and joy, and she'd never even consider getting it cut. Neru loved her hair almost as much as her cell phone- and, considering her cell was almost constantly glued to her hand like an extra limb, she loved her hair a _whole lot_; and woe betide anybody who tried to mess around with it.

Now that her cell phone was broken, ready for the scrap heap, Neru didn't have much else to be protective about other than her hair; and she'd defend it with her life, annoying ahoge and all.

"Huh. That looks stupid."

Neru wasn't one for talking to herself, but she'd done something so idiotic she simply _had_ to berate the sour-faced girl staring back at her from the mirror, clad only in a towel and a scowl.

Neru had- for some reason unbeknownst even to herself- tied her hair up.

In two pigtails.

With her hair styled like that, rather than in her usual single ponytail, she looked eerily similar to Miku- save for the differences between their heights and busts, of course. Oh, and Miku would _never _scowl like that at anyone; Neru was 100% convinced Miku's lips would crumble and half her face would fall off if she tried.

…Which was quite a disturbing thought, actually.

Neru tugged at one of her still-drying twin tails, watching her reflection closely as her hair bounced under her fingertips.

Yeah.

She looked _way_ too much like Miku.

Disgusting.

Neru stuck out her tongue, before reaching upwards to untie her twin tails...

But, as her fingers brushed against them (droplets of water staining her fingertips, trickling down her arm and cascading onto the already damp floor), Neru paused. She wasn't sure why, exactly (Neru was sick of being unsure- it was an emotion she associated with 'weakness', and Neru was never weak. She knew she was short and looked about twelve, with stick-like limbs and a flat chest, but Neru always tried to act strong. If she didn't, people would walk all over her), but Neru felt... almost guilty... about untying her hair.

Why was that?

She shouldn't have tried to carry off Miku's style in the first place. Neru didn't even know _why _she'd tried it in the first place. It was too 'cute'; it made Neru look younger than she really was, and it didn't compliment her narrowed eyes, furrowed brows, pursed lips and- overall- her incredibly disagreeable face.

Miku suited it far better.

Miku suited everything better than Neru.

So... why had she done it?

Was this her brain sending her some 'subtle' message?

Neru stared at her reflection harder, as though hoping it would impart with her some other worldly knowledge from a different plain of existence.

Her reflection seemed to answer;

_Look._

_Look at yourself._

_This is the girl you want to be. You want to be like Miku. That's what you really want, isn't it? You want to be as pretty as her, and as kind as her, and as popular... But you don't know how. You only know how to insult people. So you can try and style your hair like hers, and you can try and dress like her- act like her, if you want- but it won't make any difference._

_You're not Miku, you're Neru._

_You're the bad-tempered girl nobody likes- because you MADE it that way._

_Tying your hair up won't change anything._

"S-shut up," Neru muttered under her breath, turning her back on her reflection. "S-shut up... T-that's not it. That's not it at all. I don't want to be like her."

Then, with an expression on her face that could curdle butter and make meat rancid, Neru reached forwards for her glass of milk and downed it in one. She did it defiantly, somehow- if anybody could drink milk 'defiantly', Akita Neru could- and then slammed the glass back down on her bedside table, revelling in the satisfying 'clunk' it made.

There.

Neru felt slightly better.

There was nothing like having a glass of milk after a long, hot shower- even if the stories about it being able to improve your figure were completely _false _(Neru could hardly believe she'd been suckered into those internet rumors and articles in magazines; drinking milk could improve your cup size? Puh-lease. But once she'd started drinking milk after every shower, almost religiously, in the foolish hope it could really help her childish figure become more 'mature', Neru found she couldn't stop. Even after she'd uncovered the truth, Neru just couldn't give up drinking milk- it was so nice and cool and, somehow, comforting).

Then, Neru reached up to untie those stupid twin tails- Miku's trademark hairstyle- before she began to believe her self-diagnosis about her own jealousy.

_You can try to deny it, but it's true._

_You're so jealous your face could be bright green._

_But you'll never be like Miku, you'll never-_

"S-shut up," Neru muttered again.

So what if she was jealous, just a little bit? Even just a lot?

It didn't matter.

Neru knew she'd never be able to be as nice or pretty as Miku- she knew that for a fact, as she wore Miku's cute twin tails that really didn't suit _her, _not at all. They looked so out of place it was almost laughable- but she'd just have to accept that.

It was disappointing, but life was one long string of disappointments after the other, and Neru could manage it.

As Neru worked at untangling her hair from her new style (which was harder than it looked, her hair being so long), her eyes snagged on that piece of paper on her writing desk.

That sheet of paper she'd pondered over (_despaired_ over) for two solid hours, her head in her hands, her eyes boring into that hateful empty sheet of paper until her vision swam with fuzzy white, white, blank white, and still- no matter how hard she tried- she couldn't think of what to say.

She hadn't even been able to pick up her pen.

In the end Neru had given up in disgust, her mind berating herself- berating Gumi for the idea- for being so stupid.

There was no way she, Akita Neru, could write a _love letter. _She could no sooner grow wings and fly to the moon.

Maybe, Neru had thought, if she was more like Miku, she could have done it.

Miku was confident.

Neru wasn't.

Miku was popular.

Neru wasn't.

Miku was kind- and sweet- and good looking- and intelligent- and a thousand and one other things Neru wasn't, that Neru so desperately wanted to _be_, and Neru knew Miku would have no problem writing a love letter because all the boys loved her, they worshipped the ground she walked on and fell at her feet like servants, and nobody would ever _dream_ of refusing the affections of Hatsune Miku.

In direct contrast, the boys (and everyone else with half a brain cell) were afraid of Neru. They avoided her in the corridors, tried not to make eye contact- and, Neru distinctly remembered, when she was paired with poor, frail Utatane Piko for a science project (Piko had the worst immune system ever; he frequently skipped school because of coughs and colds, and caught every illness going whenever winter rolled around), Piko had actually turned green, and spent the entirety of the project shivering, almost _fearful _for his life.

Nobody would accept Neru's bitter, twisted feelings.

Maybe that was why Neru had tied her hair like that, then.

To be more like Miku.

To channel some of her spirit- her confidence- her personality.

But it hadn't worked. It'd only made Neru feel worse.

_I just thought, maybe if I was a little more like Miku, I could..._

Neru shook her head.

_But, it doesn't matter._

_It's better this way._

_I don't want to write a love letter and make a fool out of myself. I don't want to look stupid. I-_

"-won't get anything done with that kind of attitude, Miss Akita!~"

"Eep!"

Neru flushed, as she realised she'd just made a very strange, high-pitched sound.

She flushed even more at the realisation that somebody was in her room- somebody who certainly wasn't her mom or dad (weren't they away on some sketchy-sounding, unexplained 'business trip'? Weren't they _always _away on said 'business trips'- quotey marks were always essential when describing them- anyway?)- whilst she was naked, save for a single towel, with her hair dripping wet, still tied up in those messy twin tails.

Somebody was petting her on the head.

...That wasn't 'normal' behaviour for burglars, was it?

Neru didn't know because she'd never been burgled before, but she had a sneaking suspicion if she were trying to rob a house, she wouldn't run up to its only occupant and pet them like a cat. That _might _just give the game away.

Neru whirled around, eyes wide, cheeks flushed, to get a glimpse of her attacker-

And, when she finally did, her mouth fell open.

"What."

That was all she could say.

It wasn't even a question; it was a statement of sheer surprise.

The cheerful, red-headed form of... Kasane Teto, was it? (Neru barely recognised her when she wasn't wearing her standard maid attire; instead, she was dressed in a pink shirt and impractically short black shorts- like it even _mattered, _when she was stood in her room and Neru was half-naked) loomed over her, smiling like a cat, her mouth a perfect '3' just like the internet emoticon. Neru had no idea such a facial expression was possible for humans but, apparently, it was- because Teto had just proved it.

And, stood just behind Teto, was none other than Nakajima Megumi.

Gumi.

Neru's eyes narrowed.

Despite her red face, bright crimson like tomato sauce, Akita Neru was still a force to be reckoned with. In fact, her embarrassment only made her _more _deadly- she was twelve times more determined to rip Gumi's head off her shoulders and use it as a paperweight.

"Nakajima. _Megumi_."

"A-ah..." Gumi gave a nervous laugh, backing away from the towel-clad, red-faced Neru. She held her hands before her face like a shield, trying to ward the shorter girl off- to little avail. "H-hey, N-neru-chan... Your hair looks nice like that. T-trying out a new style? Aheheh..."

Then, a light bulb seemed to appear above Gumi's head, and recognition flashed across her face.

"H-hey, that's Miku's sty- oww!"

But that- even if Gumi didn't know it- was a _very_ dangerous sentence.

And Neru didn't give her the chance to finish it.

* * *

"So... Why are you here again?" Neru asked slowly, trying to comprehend the situation. Gumi had- after being beaten to within an inch of her life, getting all sorts of pillows, plush toys, text books, a hairbrush, and even Neru's old, defunct cell phone thrown in her direction- managed to explain everything to her; but there was a lot of information to take in (anybody would've been surprised if their best... well... their _only_ friend, but 'only' didn't constitute 'best' by any stretch of the imagination, friend barged into their room, a red-headed near-stranger in tow who claimed to be a thirty-one year old chimera), and Neru's head was beginning to hurt.

Thankfully, Gumi and Teto had given Neru a chance to get dressed. Or, to be more precise, Neru had forcefully shoved them out her room, with so much force she 'accidentally', tragically, very nearly pushed Gumi down the stairs.

Neru had shouted at them, too- something like "GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY ROOM, YOU FUCKING WEIRDOS, I'M NOT DRESSED!"

Only, when the words had come from Neru's mouth, they'd been far more vulgar- and far louder, too, than mere capital letters and exclamation marks could suggest.

Truly, Neru's wrath was on another level altogether. It was beyond normal human capabilities, or understanding: it was the Nirvana of bad tempers.

And poor Gumi and Teto had been hit with the full force of it.

It was a wonder they were still _alive_- and an even bigger wonder Teto was still smiling. That girl must've been more hard-wearing than it looked- or maybe she was so lost in her happy delusions of being a magical chimera girl to understand when her life was immediate danger. Gumi, on the other hand, looked rather worse for wear. Her goggles were cracked, a split running like a spiders' web through the red glass, and her hair would've been more orderly if she'd raked her fingernails through it, pulling random clumps out. She had a lovely scratch down one cheek, too, that had been- for a small amount of time- oozing blood. Distractedly, Gumi had tried to wipe the blood away- but, instead of making the injury look any better, she now had a horrible smear of bright red splashed across her cheek.

Neru was relatively unscathed in comparison, her wet hair tied back in its usual side ponytail, her typical Akita Neru scowl on her face.

"U-um... Welllll~" Gumi spoke nervously, interjecting her words with small pauses, as though she was worried one badly placed syllable- one false step- would set Neru off again.

That was a valid concern; Neru looked like she was half ready to tear Gumi's throat out with her teeth and fingernails.

"Gumi-chan told Teto you had a problem, you see?" said Teto, so eager she was practically bouncing up and down. Her crimson twin drills bounced with her, as though they were sentient beings. Teto, unlike Gumi, had no reservations or worries; instead, she was beaming, practically from ear to ear- almost _inviting _Neru to crack her skull in two.

Neru frowned.

"A problem?"

"Yep yep~!" Teto affirmed, nodding violently (so violently, in fact, it looked like her head was in danger of falling off her shoulders. Teto exerted so much energy into everything she did, from talking to bouncing around, that it was almost exhausting watching her; it made Neru feel like going to sleep).

"That doesn't answer anything," said Neru irritably, raking her hands through her hair; an action that perfectly accompanied the confused workings of mind, as it tried to shift through her deluge of thoughts.

"I already told you~uu~"

"But you talk so fast I could hardly understand," said Neru, folding her arms. "Idiot."

"That's me!~"

"...Urgh." Neru rolled her eyes. "Why are you here, anyway? You're such a freak."

"A freak with PRIDE!" Teto exclaimed. "But, really, I'm Gumi-chan's friend~ Kehkehkeh~ I was surprised the friend she wanted to help out was you, though, Neru-chan. It's a small world after all, right?~"

"Teto-chan works at the same cosplay café as me," Gumi explained, smiling apologetically. "She's always this hyperactive. I'm... sorry? Aheh..."

"She works at a cosplay café?" said Neru, voice dubious. "But she works at the maid café I work at, too. That seems a little over-excessive."

"No! I like being a maid!"

"...Really?" Neru raised a brow- the perfect, withering expression. However, it bounced right off Teto's cheery personality, like water off a duck's back.

Teto was the sort of girl it was almost impossible to offend; mainly because she was too stupid to realise when she was being insulted. Neru was half-convinced she could've hit her in the face and Teto would have smiled and gone, voice all chipper, "thank you so much!"

...Huh.

Now Neru was tempted to try that.

Just to see if her hypothesis was correct.

"Yeah!~ I love dressing up! And it's even better if I get paid for it!" said Teto brightly.

Neru was beginning to feel exhausted already.

Why was she such a magnet for freaks? It wasn't like _she _was particularly strange or bizarre. Maybe it was because her thunderous expressions and cold personality scared away most of the normal people, so only insane chimera wannabes like Kasane Teto were left to try and befriend her.

What a pain.

"Alright. So you're either incredibly poor or incredibly stupid," said Neru, voice flippant. She smirked. "Then again, I could have guessed the latter already, on the basis of your hair and clothes."

"Kyah!" Teto squealed, eyes widened. "Y-you shouldn't judge a book by its cover! I'm deep as an ocean in here!" She pointed at her head- then, in turn, placed her hand on her chest.

...Neru didn't even have to heart to argue.

She got the feeling it wouldn't be worth it.

"Whatever. You're still a weirdo."

"I get that a lot~ Tehehe~"

"So you're here-" Neru pointed at Teto "-and you're here-" she pointed at Gumi, who flinched. Neru liked that. It made her feel powerful, "-because...?"

"Gumi-chan said you were all upset and mopey over something!" Teto piped up, before Gumi could shush her. "She said her really good friend- that's you, hehe- was all saa~aad, and she was all 'oh, Teto-chan, what can I do?' and I said 'Ooh, Teto-chan knows! Teto-chan's good at helping people out, so you should let her help!' and Gumi was all 'okayyy' and apparently you want to write a love letter to some guy but you don't know how and that sucks but I'm here to help you because I'm AMAZING and yeah that's it!~"

Neru started at Teto, her mouth slightly parted in a perfect 'o'.

Teto was near-incomprehensible, what with her complete disregard for full stops or commas in her speech. She spoke at speeds quicker than the bullet train, rattling through words at a million miles an hour. It was a wonder she wasn't short of breath after saying all that; hell, _Neru _felt exhausted on her behalf. But, as before, Teto was still bouncing up and down, smiling like the personification of a sunflower.

Interspaced between the deluge of trash and idle chatter, however, Neru did catch some crucial words.

Words like 'love letter'.

Neru's face went uncomfortably red.

"W-what are you talking about?" Neru asked, trying to resist the urge to knock Teto's teeth in. Maybe _that_ would stop her smiling so much. "I never said I'd write any letter!"

"Aww~ That's... that's so saaaddd~" Teto sighed, as though she were watching some tragic, tear-jerker movie, and the main character's love interest had just died in their arms, in the rain. Her misery was so disproportionate to the situation Neru was quite caught off guard- discombobulated, almost as though she'd been physically struck.

"How is it sad?" Neru snapped.

"Because... If I really liked somebody, I would tell them."

"I bet you would."

Neru could imagine it perfectly. Teto wasn't the type of person to bother with coy looks or Valentine's Day chocolates. Instead, she jump on her love interest from behind, wrap her arms round their neck, and proclaim to the world "you're MINE now! Just try and escape! Gyahaha!"

Neru felt a great wave of sympathy for any of Kasane Teto's love interests.

"Hehe, of course! Teto-chan doesn't wait for people to accept her love- she FORCES it on them! Gyahaha!~"

"This girl might be even scarier than you in some respects, Neru-chan," said Gumi, prodding Teto in the side.

"Yes! When Teto-chan decides she's going to be your friend, you HAVE to be her friend! You have NO say in the matter!"

"If the weight of your friendship is that heavy, I don't want it," said Neru.

Teto's eyes widened. She looked offended.

"B-but Neru-cha-"

"No," was Neru's reply, her voice so cutting you could have garrotted somebody with it. "And don't call me that. You hardly know me."

"Teto-chan knows you well enough to know you're worried about something... Yes, she does. _She does_."

As Teto spoke, her voice slowly began to lose its cutsey charm- until it was almost sinister. Her eyes became wider, too, until they had surpassed their normal size- surpassed any size considered 'normal' for _any _human being, other than a cartoon character. Almost three quarters of her face were ocular (or so it seemed), those large, strangely colored crimson irises boring into Neru's own blue eyes with such intensity it almost burnt.

With an expression like that, Neru could almost believe that girl was _really _a chimera; a winged eldritch abomination in the body of a short, cute high school girl, who spoke in third person and really liked French bread (as she'd informed Neru earlier).

Even so, Neru tried to remain calm.

"You don't know anything about me," said Neru, shaking her head. "You can't just barge into my house- completely UNINVITED, may I ask- and then pretend you're my best friend. It's fucking **_weird_**, and you don't know anything about how I feel."

_Hell, I don't even know how I feel.._

_Not really._

"You say that, but Teto-chan knows things~" said Teto, tapping a finger against her lips in a 'shh' motion, as though she were telling a secret. Though her voice was light, almost sing-song, it was still chilling.

"Teto-chan... Wait, no…" Teto shook her head. Her smile widened. "_I _know things."

"Bullshit."

"It's _true_. It's really, really true. Kehkehkeh~"

Neru tried to repress a shudder, she really did.

But she couldn't.

Neru pushed herself backwards slightly, her body moving of its own accord. It was some kind of survival instinct programmed into her brain, and at that moment it was screaming at her.

_Run. Get away from this weird girl ASAP. If you don't she'll try to drive rusty nails into your fingertips with a hammer._

"It's a little sad that you can't confess your feelings," said Teto, sighing. "Really sad. If you don't try, you'll never know what the other person thinks, will you? What if they like you back? And even if they don't, so what? You should always try."

"You don't know anything about it!"

"I'm a person with feelings too," said Teto. She blinked slowly, steadily, fixing Neru with a crimson-eyed stare. "I understand how you feel. Don't think you're the only person in the world who's ever been in love; that's a fool's delusion."

"Says a girl who thinks she's a chimera," Neru spat, her words laced with poison.

"Why not?" Teto asked, smiling blithely. "It makes life interesting. I like interesting things."

"You're delusional. Insane. You're living in some weird fantasy world, where everything's happy, and the CONCEPT of being rejected- or HUMILIATED- doesn't exist! Don't make me laugh!" Neru said angrily, her words bitter even in her own mouth.

But, at the same time...

It felt like a weight had lifted off her chest.

Neru breathed in slowly, her fingers curling into fists.

Her heartbeat was erratic.

She had never admitted her fears to anybody before...

Of course, the great, almighty Akita Neru couldn't tell anybody she was scared of being rejected;**_ terrified_**, even. That would completely ruin her image.

But she'd told Teto.

Maybe it was easier telling Teto because she was a complete stranger- a random background character at work with that strange hair, wide smile and pink checked apron with too many frills.

Or maybe it was because Neru knew Teto wouldn't judge her.

Teto... wasn't like other people.

She was... strangely perceptive.

And intelligent.

And _dangerous._

Teto wasn't the same kind of 'dangerous' as Neru, though. Her true nature was more subtle; hidden behind a cotton candy layer of warmth and sunshine, a pretty face wreathed in smiles. But when her smile mutated into a smirk, and her eyes grew so wide her eyeballs seemed in danger of falling out their sockets, it was _creepy_- like something from a horror movie. Neru could definitely imagine Teto with a cleaver in hand, leaving a trail of bright red behind her as she walked through a darkened forest.

Neru's 'dangerous' was far more superficial- all about appearances and cruel words and unmovable scowls.

Teto was different.

Crazy different?

More like _scary _different.

"Of course I've been upset before," said Teto, her voice level. Calm. "I know rejection and humiliation exist. I'm not an idiot."

"Could've fooled _me_."

"But if you spend all your life living under a rock- or hiding behind a bad temper- trying to squash down your feelings like unworthy _bugs_, squish squish_ squish_, then you're not going to be happy. You'll push people away from you. People who care. And... that... won't be a good thing at all."

"Y-yeah," said Gumi. Her voice was shaky, but decisive, and she was nodding. "I don't think you should hide from these things, Neru-chan. You're my friend, and I like you, but... you always seem to work so hard trying to make yourself _miserable_."

"I-I don't!" Neru protested, red-faced. "R-really, I don't!"

Because she didn't.

...Did she?

She didn't _want _to be miserable; but people could tell lies, or be untrustworthy, and Neru didn't really want to involve herself in that. She wanted to remain above it.

She didn't... want... to get hurt... ...

"But, by retreating like that, you're only going to hurt yourself." That was Teto, still speaking softly.

Telling the truth.

Neru knew it was true.

And being told that by a girl like Teto, with stupid hair that would've been perfectly in place in an anime convention, was almost insulting.

Irritating.

It pissed her off.

But she couldn't deny it wasn't the truth.

"I think you should stop being a coward and say how you really feel. I mean, you don't have to..." Teto shrugged, smiling wanly. "But..." Her smile widened. Just as the earlier 'but' had brought about the eerie, dramatic change in Teto's persona, this 'but' began to return her previous personality, piece by piece, until she was grinning brightly once more, her voice light and airy as the clouds in the sky. "Teto-chan thinks you would be much happier if you did that!~ Hehe!~"

Happier, huh...?

Was that even possible?

If Neru took Teto and Gumi's advice, wouldn't that be like giving in?

And Akita Neru never gave in. She wouldn't give them the satisfaction.

But, if she kept trying to repress her feelings- to push them so far out of her heart they ended up in her feet, being walked on, trodden into non-existence- then she wouldn't be happy, Teto was right. She'd force herself into misery.

Unabale to look Len in the face.

Maybe it would be best if, this time, the stubborn, untrusting Akita Neru...

...admitted she couldn't do everything by herself.

And took somebody else's advice for once.

Teto, who had been observing the change flicker across Neru's face, smiled. Not that she hadn't been smiling before- and very widely, too- so there wasn't too much difference; but this smile was more sincere.

More encouraging.

"You can do it, yeah~" said Teto. "I believe in you."

…And maybe Neru could.

Maybe.

She didn't need to be Miku.

She could do this by herself.

If she could push her jealousy, short temper, inferiority and embarrassment aside, for once in her life...

...she could write that letter.

She could tell Len how she felt.

She wasn't going to be a coward anymore.

* * *

**a/n: **Long chapter :3 This is pretty important in Neru's character development, even if not a lot happens :3 But stuff will happen next chapter, I promise!  
Eh... I always say that XDD~

**~renahhchen xoxo**


	15. Fifteenth FML: Tei's Interruption

**SOS Onboard the Maid Star**

**Fifteenth FML**

'Tei's Interruption'

* * *

_So..._

_Will I, or won't I?_

Neru stood in front of Len's shoe locker, her face set in an expression of determination- but it was wavering, just slightly, as her resolve began to crumble. A few seconds more, and it'd be nothing more than dust. Dust and ashes. And then she'd leave, love letter in hand, and Len would never learn how she felt.

Her chance would be gone.

Neru clenched her fingers into fists and took a deep breath.

If this had been any other girl stood by Len's shoe locker, deliberating with such a look of pained concentration on her face, Neru would have laughed at them. But, when_ she_ was the one playing the role of the love stick high school girl, it- all of a sudden- wasn't quite so funny anymore.

_Pathetic_, more like.

Miku would've been able to do this.

_You keep saying that, but you're not Miku._

_You're __Neru__, and you always will be._

_But what does it matter?_

Neru knew this voice in her head was right. It_ didn't_ matter- not really. If she spent her whole life wishing she was more like Miku, or more like Luka- or even more like Rin (not that Neru wanted to _be _Rin, not really, but that girl had some strange, likable qualities, a wide smile, and she was Len's closest friend, in addition to being his twin sister. It didn't seem fair that such a disagreeable, annoying brat should have so much stacked up in her favor. Karma was a load of shit, Neru decided- completely unfair)- then Neru would forget what it was like to be _herself_. She'd only make herself jealous, miserable and angry, trying to shoot for goals that were out of her reach.

(Then again, being short, most things were out of her reach. Ha ha- bad metaphor.)

And so what if Len _did_ reject her? Neru knew, despite her paranoia, that he wouldn't laugh at her. Sweet-natured, big-hearted Kagamine Len would never even _dream _of it. Rin was a different matter, but Neru didn't think she was despicable enough to make fun of a girl with a fragile ego and broken heart. Rin may have been devious, but she wasn't evil- otherwise Len and Miku wouldn't have liked her so much. And she certainly wasn't the demon spawn of Cthulu, or any other eldritch abomination (although sometimes Neru wondered, what with her over-sized hair ribbon that seemed almost alive), because that would- by extension- make Len some hellish monster too, and he was far from it.

Neru wouldn't _lose _anything if Len rejected her.

Apart from her pride.

But Gumi and Teto had been right- loathe as Neru was to admit it.

Idiots, they were both _idiots_.

But maybe the biggest idiot here was Neru.

She could feel the love letter, heavy in her pocket as though it weighed a ton- but, in reality, it was hardly that heavy. That was merely the importance Neru's mind was placing on it.

It was nearing the end of the day, and most people had gone home already. Len had gone to the literature club, and Rin was doing archery, and Miku had been talking to Luka about this and that in the classroom when Neru left. Neru knew Miku would be at her side in a few minutes, a wide smile on her face, saying, "Are you ready to go wait some tables? Let's give it all we've got!" or some other disgusting chipper, cheerful thing.

So this was Neru's window of opportunity.

She had to take it.

She was going to-

"Hello, Akita-san. What are you doing?"

Neru jumped as though she'd electrocuted, her fingers hastily stuffing that stupid, _stupid _letter back into her pocket.

It was a girl's voice, but it wasn't Miku- the 'Akita', instead of the more overly-familiar 'Neru-chan!' had given it away- and it wasn't Rin, or Gumi, or anybody else Neru knew.

Neru turned around slowly, trying to calm her heartbeat. Trying to sort through her disorganized thoughts.

Somebody had nearly seen her put that letter in Len's locker.

A stranger.

Well, _that _would've been embarrassing.

Or maybe they **did **see her?

_Shit!_

Neru felt her cheeks flush red, even though her mind was screaming at her to stop being so ridiculous- she'd only give her feelings away.

"Oh, did I startle you? I'm sorry~" said the unfamiliar girl, smiling.

Ducking behind her bangs to hide her flushed face, Neru began to evaluate the girl stood before her with narrowed eyes. She was wearing the standard sailor uniform like Neru- nothing too amazing there, but her skin was papery white, and her so skinny it was almost painful to look at. Her uniform hung off her, several sizes too big, the skirt well past her knees, whilst most other girls- Neru included, though she always wore a pair of cycling shorts underneath to preserve her modesty- wore their skirts far, far shorter. Her hair was impossibly long, too- almost longer than Miku's- and light silver, almost white. That cascading white hair, coupled with her pale, almost translucent skin, made her look ethereal, like a ghost- but her eyes, slightly larger than a normal person's, were bright red.

Looking at this girl, Neru soon found she wasn't a stranger- not exactly.

She could place a name to this face with relative ease.

"U-um, I'm Sukone Tei," said Tei, looking a little sheepish. "I-in case you didn't know. Hehe~"

"Oh, _I _know."

Neru knew only too well.

She was that creepy Len fangirl, who- as it was rumored- performed strange, sacrificial rituals in her bedroom with small animals, in the hopes it would bring Len closer to her. Neru didn't know if that was true- there were some rather unsavory rumors about herself floating around as well, after all- but she knew enough to steer clear of Tei if, at all, possible.

"Hehe~" Tei giggled. "U-um, I'm sorry. Again. Did I say that already? I-I'm so scatterbrained! W-well, i-if I interrupted you in anything, I'm really sorry?"

It was funny, though.

That stuttering, blushing, nervously giggling girl didn't look like the sort of person who could dissect a fish in biology, let alone drive a steak through a living rabbit.

Then again, you could never be too careful.

After a quick assessment, Neru didn't think Tei was too much of a threat, too. Even though Tei was taller than her (_everybody _was taller than her), it was only by a few inches, and Neru was sure she'd be able to knock her out if such an eventuality occurred.

_Geez, Len, you're so lucky._

_You have two girls fighting over you and you don't even realize it._

"Why are you here?" Neru asked suspiciously, folding her arms.

"E-eep!" Tei gave a high-pitched squeak as the full force of Neru's glare hit her square between the eyes. "I-I'm sorry! I-it's just, m-my locker is the one next t-to Kagamine-san's, and you were sort of blocking my way, so... Eheheh..."

Realization dawned.

"Oh..."

That was right, wasn't it? Neru remembered bemoaning the strange, twisted workings of fate before- wondering how it was Sukone Tei, a Kagamine Len lover so rabid she was almost frothing at the mouth, had her shoe locker right next to Len's when 'K' and 'S' weren't even that close together in the alphabet.

Tei was telling the truth.

Then again, she just didn't look like the sort of girl who could lie. She reminded Neru of Miku, actually.

"T-then again, I can still leave!" said Tei, bowing her head apologetically. Her long, silky strands of silvery white hair fell over her shoulders, almost brushing the floor. "I-if you were busy doing something, i-it's okay, I'll come back later!"

Had Neru been doing something important...?

Not really.

Well. If she'd actually given the letter to Len, that _would _have been important- certainly. But the letter was still in her pocket, one corner crumpled, gathering dust. Just like her feelings. And Neru realized, with a start, when her feelings remained with her, they really didn't mean that much at all.

Unless Len got them, it didn't matter.

And Tei had broken the mood completely.

"No. I wasn't," said Neru shortly, shaking her head.

"O-okay, then! But..." Tei's eyes filled with curiosity. "...Why were you standing in front of Len's locker?"

_'Len'?_

_Weren't you calling him 'Kagamine-san' before?_

_Isn't that a pretty big leap for a shy girl? At least, you sure were __acting__ like a shy girl..._

Neru was too perplexed- too suspicious- by this sudden change of character to even remember to be embarrassed.

"Why..." Tei repeated. Her eyes seemed to growing larger, the diameter expanding by a few inches. "Why were you stood in front of Len's locker, I wonder...?"

But Neru had already confronting one disturbing wannabe-chimera girl with unnaturally large eyes, and she wouldn't let Tei faze her. Instead, Neru began absent-mindedly- looking almost bored- tugging at strands of her blonde hair, searching for split ends.

She didn't even look Tei in the eye when she replied, voice cold and cutting;

"No reason."

But what Neru really meant was 'that's the end of the discussion.'

Her tone of voice was frosty enough to bring winter around six months early- but Tei, unlike most other people ('normal' people) didn't seem to mind.

If anything, her smile had brightened.

"Oh! Good~" she said, smiling. "Because it didn't look like _'no reason'_ to me, and I started thinking... Maybe you were... Haha! But I guess what you said must be true- because... Hehe~ I'm being silly. Don't mind me!~"

Neru walked over to her own shoe locker- the one right at the top. Damn it. She didn't want Tei, of all people, to see her- her potential competition in the race for Kagamine Len's heart- struggling to get at her own damned shoes. That would just have been _humiliating._

But, preoccupied as she was with cursing the people who made those shoe lockers so high up (seriously. If she was as tall as Yokune Ruko it would've been no problem- but, then again, Ruko was so tall she had to stoop to go through doorways), Neru was hit with a sudden, rather strange thought.

Somewhere along the line...

Tei had stopped stammering, hadn't she?

She dropped her 'cute', 'embarrassed' act altogether.

Did that mean anything? Something?

Nothing?

Or was Neru just being paranoid?

* * *

**a/n: **... :D  
This story moves at a pretty slow pace.  
I'm really sorry ;A;  
Believe it or not though, I think I **FINALLY **have everything set up for the ending of this fic.

Rejoice XD For THINGS WILL HAPPEN.  
Expect more Miku/Neru, some Len/Neru, and some of Miku's backstory in the next three or four chapters :D  
I'm excite to write those XDD

**~renahhchen xoxo**


	16. Sixteenth FML: Neru's Breakdown

**SOS Onboard the Maid Star**

**Sixteenth FML**

'Neru's Breakdown'

* * *

"Gah!"

"Oh dear," said Miku sympathetically, watching as Neru threw her schoolbag down roughly into the corner of the room. She winced when it hit the floor with a _thunk_. "That didn't sound like a good noise. Was 'gah' a good noise?"

Neru rolled her eyes. "Do _you _think 'gah' is a good noise?"

"I suppose not..."

"Then don't ask stupid questions."

Neru turned her back on Miku, bending down to rifle through her bag that had oh-so-cruelly been thrown to one side. Teeth clenched together, Neru finally managed to pull the crumpled, badly folded abomination that was her work uniform from the darkest depths of her messenger bag. It was a little like dredging some hideous creature up from the bottom of the ocean.

She pulled a face, holding the dress before her.

_Now, __**this **__is the Cthulu of bad fashion._

_I can't believe I actually have to wear this. Like, putting it on my __skin_. _It's a wonder it doesn't melt off on contact._

"Neru-chan..." said Miku. Her voice was soft. She was handling Neru a little like somebody would diffuse a bomb- with great caution. "You should just leave your uniform at work so it doesn't get crumpled up in your bag. I-if you have to bring it in like that, you should at least fold it properly..."

"What, and _touch it_ for longer than necessary? No thank you."

Miku bit her lower lip, fiddling with her twin tails. She looked a hurt. Neru couldn't understand why. It wasn't like the dress had feelings or any-

Oh.

Neru suddenly remembered.

_Miku made that for me, didn't she?_

_Maybe I hurt her feelings._

The blonde girl scowled, narrowing her eyes.

_But, seriously, it _is _hideous. I didn't pretend to like those bumpy, wooly socks that were twelve sizes too big my grandma knitted me last Christmas, so why should I pretend I like this dress?_

Even so, Neru couldn't but feel a little guilty.

_Damn it._

_Why do I only feel guilty when it comes to _Miku?

"Neru-chan, are you... okay?"

Neru was jolted out of her internal musings rather unpleasantly by the sweet, well-meaning girl she was trying so hard not to think about. The sight of Miku's large, turquoise eyes staring at her with abject worry made Neru feel funny; slightly off balance.

It didn't really improve her mood.

If anything, it only exacerbated her anger.

"I have to work _here_ dressed up like an idiot or, worse..." Neru held up the dress for Miku's inspection. "A _moe _anime character. _That's _what wrong. My life has been nothing but one bit mess of **wrong** since I started working here."

_Honestly, you could make a series of four panel comics out of my life right now, and I bet some perverts would think it was so 'kawaiiiii' and hilarious._

_Even though I'm not pretty enough to be the female lead._

"Ahaha, I see your problem! Even I don't feel like working sometimes…"

"You? Never," said Neru, voice laden with sarcasm.

"U-um, even me!" Miku smiled obliviously; though the smile faltered slightly as she peered at Neru's face. "But you're not usually this angry about work are you…?"

"I'm _always_ angry, and I think I have every right to be. Just look around you, Miku! What part of this shitty job would I possibly like?" said Neru, scowling, as she gestured about the kitchen of the maid café with wild arm movements. Miku had to duck or else Neru would have taken her head off her shoulders. "I just decided to outwardly broadcast my rage a little more; get it out of my system, you know? You like being honest and truthful- this sort of thing should make you happy."

"How can I be happy, Neru-chan, when you're not happy?"

_Oh geez, _thought Neru, giving Miku (already attired in her maid dress with the matching frilly headband) a withering look. _She thinks she's a psychiatrist now. Does that mean she thinks I need professional help?_

_Please._

_I'm just _peachy_._

There was a pause.

Then, Neru winced.

_...That sounded really caustic even in my own head._

_Damn. I'm such a horrible person I'm even able to upset __**myself**__ now._

"Neru-chan. Maybe... you're not angry after all. I think… um… I-I think you're _upset_. I don't want to seem nosy, but as your friend, I'm really worried about you," said Miku, voice soft. "Will you talk to me, just a little? Tell me what's wrong? It'll make you feel better, hehe~"

Miku's fingers lightly, tentatively, gripped Neru's arm; waiting to see if the blonde would pull away.

Neru didn't move.

She wanted to; oh, how she wanted to. Wasn't that what she always did, pushing people away and hiding behind her prickly mask of barbed wire in case they discovered just how incredibly not-strong and self conscious she was deep inside? It was easier to push people away. It stopped them asking awkward questions that would upset her- and Miku, with her big smiles and warm personality and unwanted friendship, was the most awkward person of all.

But Neru couldn't push her away.

She didn't have the heart, or the energy. Her encounter with Tei earlier, and the sudden realization her feelings for Len were worth less than the paper they were written on, had drained her.

Maybe... it would be okay to accept some comfort.

Even if she didn't need it, _obviously_- least of all from _Miku._

But… Neru didn't really have any other friends, did she? Apart from Gumi, Neru didn't have anybody to talk to. And Miku…

She was a lot, lot different to Gumi.

She made Neru feel different.

Neru felt more relaxed with Miku. Maybe it was because she was so ditzy and cheerful; blithely walking through life as though she didn't have a worry in the world.

It was… comforting.

Neru opened her mouth, trying to find the words. The only people who knew about her feelings for Len were Gumi and Teto, which was bad enough, but she didn't want Miku to know, too. Miku was the most popular girl at school, fawned over by the boys, _and _she was Len's best friend. She might not even understand the concept of pining after somebody she could never possibly have. In her well meaning attempts to cheer Neru up, the stupid twin-tailed girl could easily, so easily, rush up to Len and confess all of Neru's feelings for her; 'nobody could turn down Neru-chan, she's so nice!'

Miku was the only person who would see it like that.

Miku lived in her own happy little fantasy world where everything was fine and everything worked itself out all the time, just like... Just like a fucking _Disney princess_ with her elegant ball gown and nice hair and happily ever after, who existed only to make other girls feel worse about themselves because they could never be that perfect.

Would she understand sadness like this?

Neru didn't know.

She had to start knowing soon, however, because-

"Oh... What's this?"

Something had caught Miku's eye.

That 'something' was a very innocent looking envelope lying on the floor which had fallen from Neru's bag.

It was the love letter to Len.

Neru felt her heartbeat spike in her chest.

It took her a few moments to remember how to breathe.

If Miku saw that letter... she would _die_. She would really, truly die; and not just figuratively. She would seriously take a cutting knife from one of the kitchen drawers and stake herself through the heart with it, because life would simply not be worth living anymore.

Before Miku's fingertips could brush the letter Neru had snatched it from her, moving at speeds that could have rivalled a prowling cheetah.

A combination of embarrassment, inferiority and general stupidity washed over Neru; coming together in the tumultuous witches' cauldron of her poor, teenagery, hormone-addled brain in such a manner it created a very intense draught of complete and utter rage.

How _dare_ Miku look at her things?

How _dare_ she?

No, for that matter, how _dare _she try and comfort Neru at all when she had no **idea**- not a single _inkling_- of how it felt to be so short, so flat-chested, so un-pretty, so unlikable and so completely _invisible _to the person she really, really liked?

Miku had no _clue_.

"Don't touch my things!" Neru snarled at Miku, crumpling the stupid envelope filled with her stupid, _stupid_ emotions in one hand. It wasn't like Len would ever accept them anyway. "Don't you **dare**, okay? You have no right?"

Miku's eyes widened in surprise. She recoiled away from Neru as though she had been struck, bumping against the cooker; very nearly slipping and cracking her head against its side. Neru couldn't help but laugh.

Obviously, the great Princess Miku wasn't so infallible after all.

"Neru-chan, what's wrong?" Miku asked, her face flushed, eyes strangely... misty? "I-I didn't do anything to upset you, did I?"

"You're upsetting me by simply being **you**!"

All that hatred, all that resentment, all that embarrassment and all that depression over her foiled confession to Kagamine Len began to build inside Neru; a vortex that had been scheduled for a long time, growing even stronger the more Neru tried to restrain it.

She had always hated Miku.

Why did Miku think they were friends, anyway?

"You don't even like me at all, do you? You only started to spend time with me so you could laugh with your group of super-pretty, super-popular friends; oh, ha ha, isn't Neru _funny_? Isn't it _hilarious _that everybody hates her?"

Miku's eyes filled with tears.

"N-no, I'm not like that! You know I'm not like that! I would never... I... I-I'm sorry if you thought I was laughing at you, but I wasn't! I really wasn't! I really like you; I _do_! I-I'm sorry if there was something personal in that letter, I swear I didn't know- I wouldn't have touched it if I knew it was so important, I promise!"

"Shut up! You wanted to get that letter so you could laugh about how useless my love life is, didn't you? I-I know it'll never happen, s-so I don't need _you _telling me it to my face!"

Miku froze. She turned to look at Neru, some strange kind of understanding flitting across her face; fluttering precariously in her eyes like a butterfly.

"It was a... love letter...?"

_Stupid? Why are you so _stupid_? Why did you tell Miku _that?

"It doesn't matter! S-so what if it is? It doesn't concern you!" said Neru.

She tried to remain cool and aloof, but she was horrified to note she was getting a little choked up. That was why she didn't confront people directly very often despite her immense anger, preferring to spam Luka and the like through the anonymous internet. Arguing face to face was...

It was too difficult.

Too emotional.

"Neru-chan-"

"Don't call me that!"

"Neru, then," said Miku- not that the small change made it any better. "Neru. I-if you have somebody you like, a-and you're afraid they won't return your feelings... Then..." Miku looked at the floor, obviously nervous. Her face was flushed pink. "T-then you should just try to be brave and tell them anyway!"

"Huh? What do _you _know about it; I bet you could have any person you wanted! Don't talk to me like you understand!"

"I do understand; I understand it perfectly! I know what it feels like when..." If Miku's face was pink before, it was bright red now. She was shaking, though she was now forcing herself to stare at Neru directly- fingers clenched into fists in a desperate show of bravery. "I know how you must be feeling!"

"Bullshit."

"It's true! A-and... Neru, you're such a nice person- um, usually- t-that I bet, if you confessed your feelings, the other person would feel exactly the same!"

"Then why didn't they come to me first?"

Miku gave a small 'eep' sound, as though she had been electrocuted. Neru bet, if Miku were an anime character, a burst of pink hearts would have appeared in the background to accompany that noise, and useless otaku with nothing better to do would take that three second clip and repeat it over and over again for ten minutes and post the inane video on the internet, where it would become very popular for some inexplicable reason.

"M-maybe they didn't talk to you first because they were scared too!" Miku said earnestly, looking at Neru with those tear-filled eyes. "Y-you're not the only person who gets scared- but somebody has to make the first move or you'll never know... what that person really feels... You wrote that letter, right? You wrote it to show somebody- so you show it to them!"

Neru looked at Miku. The normally sweet, composed girl was a complete mess; face bright red, eyes watering and- Neru was slightly disturbed to notice- her nose was running a little.

Something inside Neru's chest ached.

Why had she exploded like that?

Why had she said those horrible things to Miku?

Did she truly hate her that much?

_Yes._

_Of course you do._

_Because if you didn't, who would have left to hate for your horrible personality but yourself?_

Neru glared at Miku.

Then, she held up the envelope-

-and tore it into pieces.

They scattered to the floor like confetti.

"I'm going to go and get changed," said Neru, picking up the Frilly Monstrosity from the floor. She couldn't remember throwing it, but she might have done during her convulsion of anger, just to make a point. "But, just because I'm still working here, it doesn't mean I want to talk to _you_."

And with that, Neru turned about and stormed out.

She slammed the door behind her.

* * *

**a/n: **Blahh super late update is blahh ._.  
I frequently lose & regain interest in stories, but I should be able to finish this one in a burst of energy over the next few weeks XD~ I kind of forgot what my original plot outline was though -wince- but I remember all the major details, I just can't quite recall how the revelations came about... ._. I lost my chapter plan when my computer exploded ._.  
I'm sure it'll be fine, though XD~

**~renahhchen xoxo**


	17. Seventeenth FML: Miku's Smile

**SOS Onboard the Maid Star**

**Seventeenth FML**

'Miku's Smile'

* * *

Neru slammed the door of the café behind her when her shift came to an end. That night's work had been an unqualified disaster from start to finish; the comedy of errors (though Neru didn't find it all that comedic) culminating when Neru tripped over her feet just like one of those stupid clumsy maids from a shojo manga cliché and spilt a cup of tea over somebody's head.

Whatever.

The man she'd given third degree burns was probably a pervert anyway, so it was fine. It wasn't like Neru had actually done anything wrong; that old guy shouldn't have been sat in such a disgustingly adorable café served by likewise disgustingly adorable girls (sans Neru).

It was all about karma.

If you were a terrible human being, you got tea poured on your head.

Neru wasn't a klutz- she was more like... some divine heavenly agent reigning punishment down upon those who were unworthy to walk the earth! That was it! First, she was going to purge the universe of old men who had bizarre fascinations with young schoolgirls dressed as maids who had to call them 'm-m-master!'

Fortunately, Miku had been there to bail Neru out of that tight situation. The teal-haired girl had bowed her head to tea-splattered man profusely, apologizing over and over again on Neru's behalf with a flushed face; 'W-we're sorry, we're really sorry! You can have a free cup tea to make up for it- here, let me clean all that off you...'

Everything had been fine after that, so really, there was no point crying over spilt tea.

Neru didn't know why Miku had moved in to defend her like that, though; not after she had shouted at her. When Neru remembered what she had said (her and her stupid mouth; why didn't she think before she spoke?) she felt a painful, twisting sensation in her stomach, as somebody had jabbed a knife in her intestines and was coiling them round and round like spaghetti. It... was a little painful.

Not to mention embarrassing.

W-why did Miku help her out? Was it because Miku _wanted_ to make Neru feel bad? If that was the case, she'd done a friggin good job of it, because Neru felt absolutely terrible; limp and lifeless, like an old newspaper that was being rolled around on the ground, in the dirt. Just like that newspaper that was bouncing past her feet right now, pushed by the breeze.

Or, was Miku being nice... simply because she was being _Miku_?

Miku had done so many nice things for Neru before; things nobody else ever would have done. She got her a job, she made her that dress (even though it was awful), she forced Neru to accept her friendship when she wasn't sure how to go about taking it herself, and now she was trying to cover for Neru when she made any stupid mistakes so she wouldn't get fired. It would be a lie to say Neru hadn't thought about it before, because she had- a lot, as well, until her head felt all fuzzy and twisted and she couldn't get to sleep without burying her face in her pillow and trying to suffocate herself. Being with Miku was just... confusing.

Thinking about her was even worse.

It made her head hurt.

Her body trembled, though it had nothing to do with the cold.

Stupid.

She was being stupid, as usual. What did it matter if Miku was a nice person or not? Miku had such a simple, easy life she would never understand the pain of being rejected- not that Neru had been rejected yet (you generally needed to confess first so the other person had a chance to say 'no thank you'), but she knew she would get rejected when she asked, so it was virtually the same thing. Miku just couldn't understand, so why was she trying to pry into Neru's business? Why did she think it concerned her?

_It's because she cares about you._

But why did she care so much? Nobody else did; nobody save Gumi, and that was only because Neru and Gumi had been friends for years and years, ever since Gumi used to charge around the swing sets at playschool with her goggles over her eyes pretending to be a superhero with laser vision. That was a different kind of friendship; a simple one that didn't make Neru's brain explode into little, bit-sized, popcorn-shaped pieces every time she pondered it.

Gumi and Neru had been childhood friends, it was only natural they cared about each other.

Neru hadn't known Miku for much more than a few weeks.

Why did Miku care about her so much?

And... why had she shouted at her like that?

Neru winced, rubbing her temple. Miku didn't deserve to be treated like that, not at all; not because Neru had some... some stupid inferiority complex, and it wasn't even Miku's fault- it wasn't Miku's fault she was so perfect and pretty and wonderful at everything and she made Neru feel like a _bug_, a stupid creature about_ this _big, when she spent time with her.

That wasn't Miku's fault.

Neru didn't know what to do. Should she apologize? But when she though about Miku her stomach hurt and felt all fluttery, and at the same time she was a little queasy and sick, and she knew if she saw the other girl again she just end up shouting at her because... b-because...

_Because that's when you do when you like people and you don't know how to express your feelings properly._

_You shout at them so they'll leave you alone, and then you won't be confused by feeling so much _stuff _all the time._

W-wasn't that just a little bit pathetic and hopeless?

Wasn't that-

"Neru-chan! Neru-chan, wait up!"

Neru turned around as she felt a familiar hand rest upon her shoulder. The familiar hand was attached to a familiar arm which, in turn, belonged to a very familiar girl.

It was Miku.

Miku was smiling a little nervously, her teal hair blowing about in the breeze. She was no longer dressed in her maid's uniform. Instead, she wore her sailor suit, heavy coat thrown on top, scarf wound round her neck.

Neru felt cold just looking at Miku.

She'd forgotten to bring her coat and scarf to school that day and now, in the darkening evening (made darker and colder still given winter was fast approaching), she felt freezing cold; a Nerusicle.

Neru didn't have the energy to be angry. She didn't have the heart, either. Miku's smile was tentative, as though she was afraid she would be shouted at any time. It made Neru drop her eyes to the ground in shame.

_I wonder if she thinks I'm some kind of monster._

_I can't say I blame her..._

"Neru-chan?" Miku repeated softly, trying to peer up at Neru's face. It was a fruitless task. Neru's facial features were completely hidden by her bangs (the main reason Neru didn't cut her hair even though it was beginning to get annoying; it doubled as a shield so she could hide from inquisitive creatures like Miku). "Neru-chan, are you okay?"

Neru didn't trust herself to speak. She'd only say something nasty and offensive she didn't really mean; something she couldn't take back.

She nodded instead.

Miku frowned. "Well, you don't look okay! Um... Is it the weather? Are you cold?"

"... ...Little bit."

"Do you want my coat?"

Neru was about to say 'no, of course not'- but as the words formed on her lips, her mind was instantly cast back to the last time Miku had asked that oh-so-innocent question. When Neru refused Miku's hospitality the teal-haired girl had forced it upon her, dragging Neru into a hug to ensure she didn't get frostbite. Neru still flushed slightly at the memory; Miku's arms wrapped around her, the smell of her perfume clinging to her skin. Miku didn't seem to understand personal boundaries at all- but Neru hadn't complained because... it had felt... kind of nice.

Sort of.

A bit.

It was 'nice' (although that was a horribly inadequate word; urgh, using it made Neru feel sick) being cared for by somebody else; especially when Neru spent such a great portion of her life trying to push everybody away. Even people she was probably-definitely in love with, like Len. She just couldn't control herself, and she said stupid things, and then nobody wanted to talk to her anymore-

But Miku still did.

Even after what she'd said, Miku was still here, still smiling blithely as though it had never even happened.

To her great horror, Neru found tears were beginning to well up in the corners of her eyes.

Maybe Miku hadn't noticed-

"Hey, N-neru? What's wrong?"

Well, screw that. She'd definitely noticed.

Neru sniffed, shaking her head. She felt just a little girl again; that wide-eyed kid who'd been pushed around by the others because she didn't talk very much and was kind of shy, kind of awkward. She hated feeling hopeless like that- but she'd been feeling it more and more lately.

Damn it. Miku was way,_ way_ too perceptive.

"Nothing's wrong, really," said Neru, her voice harsher than she intended, as she glared at Miku. "I'm fine. I-I'm not even that cold, so I-"

"But this isn't about being cold, is it?"

Neru froze.

Miku's voice had lost its cheery tones. No longer did she look bright and sunny, able to thaw ice simply with her smile. Instead, she looked worried, concerned- and determined. Miku's fingers brushed against Neru's cheek gently, unsure and faltering, but she did not remove her fingers; did not pull back as, gently, she wiped Neru's tears away.

"Neru, what's wrong? I'm really worried about you, and I think... I think you're really upset! Can't you tell me? Please? I am your friend."

"Y-you wouldn't under-"

"I _do _understand! I know _exactly _what unrequited love feels like, Akita Neru! Don't pretend you're the only person in the world with those kinds of problems because you're not. Not at all."

Neru's eyes widened in surprise. "M-miku...?"

"Please tell me," said Miku, her voice soft, as she looked down (everybody was always looking down at Neru; she hated being so short) into Neru's eyes. "Please. If you tell me who you like... then I can tell you who I like. Is that a deal?"

"T-this isn't some stupid girly sleepover where we whine about feelings and paint our nails, you know."

"No, it's not. But we can make it one!" Miku smiled. "Do you want to come back to my house?"

"A-are you being serious?"

"Uh-huh!~ I like spending time with you. And that won't change no matter who you fall in love with! I'll be your number one supportive friend, guaranteed! O-oh, apart from Gumi-chan, who is also your very good friend and I certainly don't want to replace her... ehehe." Miku giggled sheepishly.

Neru looked at Miku's face; bright and warm once more. Neru wondered if Miku was honestly that happy, or if she was just trying to cheer her up by acting like the bright, bubbly ditz everybody else saw her as. Was Miku like her, hiding behind a mask of faked emotion to cope with everything else? Were they... a lot more similar than she first thought?

Miku was trying so hard to cheer her up, and she...

S-she'd said some terrible things to her-

And she was still here...

She... wasn't going anywhere.

Neru shuddered, more tears rolling down her cheeks. S-she must have looked pathetic, really pathetic- but, damn, damn, whatever; who cared?

Suddenly, moving quickly so she didn't have a chance to regret it (which she would, she definitely, unquestionably _would_), Neru pulled Miku into a hug, burying her head against her chest.

"N-neru-chan, y-you-"

"Shut up," Neru muttered, eyelids squeezing shut as more tears rolled down her cheeks. "S-shut up. I-I'm just cold..."

"Of course. Hehe~" A soft giggle. "You know... you're kind of cute, Neru-chan."

Neru's face turned red. She was glad Miku couldn't see it. Unfortunately, the small 'meep!' of surprise she made when Miku returned her hug was completely audible, making Miku giggle again.

Neru's heartbeat began to skip around erratically. She could hardly breathe.

But... it was still... warm...

And comforting.

And... she didn't want to let go.

"O-okay," said Neru softly, still talking into Miku's coat so she didn't have to look at her face (that would only have made her flush and stutter more). "I-I'll tell you... I'll tell you who I... like..."

Miku remained quiet, waiting for Neru to confess. It seemed even Miku, who usually spoke at one million words a minute with that bright grin plastered all over her face, knew when to be quiet, too.

Neru breathed in heavily. It was difficult to get enough air into her lungs, as if she had a vice round her windpipe, choking her.

Miku's slight touch against her back anchored to planet Earth; it was keeping her steady, and Neru was infinitely glad Miku was there, because if she wasn't, Neru was sure she'd collapse into a pile of humiliation and jelly-like ooze.

_Breathe in._

_Breathe out._

_T-try and keep it together..._

Neru opened her mouth.

And then, she spoke.

"I-I'm in love with Len-kun."

There was a deathly silence; Miku's arms clasping round Neru's shoulders a little more tightly than before, as though she'd just been hit by an electric shock that had made all her muscles spasm and contract at once.

That wasn't the biggest surprise, though.

Not by a long shot.

"You... You're in love with Len? Well..." A cold laugh. "I figured that much out for myself, you bitch."

* * *

**a/n: **cliffhanger omg XD  
Um, as always, thank you so much for the reviews and the like. I mean, this got more attention than I expected it would, and I know it's kind of not very good in places (I always write these chapters really, really quickly, in the space of like half an hour. With other stories I don't usually do that) but I'm happy you like it all the same ^_^'' I hope it's fluffy enough and the like... ^_^;;  
Also, melodrama. This is one big pile of melodrama XDDD

**~renahhchen xoxoxo**


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